In this video,
I want to talk to you about what happens when you feel stuck in your
relationship and what you can do to get yourself unstuck.
And if you're looking to empower yourself with the right skills,
with the right knowledge to thrive in your relationship,
then you want to subscribe to this channel and make sure to click that bell
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week.
[inaudible]
and for those of you who are new to this channel,
my name is Geoffrey and I've dedicated my life's mission to helping you create
that dream relationship you always wanted.
And in this video I'm going to share with you a question I got from one of my
listeners and here's what the question says. So, hi Geoffrey.
I've been trying to fix my relationship for the past year now and I feel like
we've tried everything up to this point and I feel so hopeless and stuck and I
don't even know what I can do anymore help.
And I don't know the exact scenario here of why this person feels stuck or
hopeless,
but let's try to break this down to understand why they feel stuck and what they
can do to start to feel unstuck. So whenever you feel stuck in life,
in relationships, at work, whatever it is, just imagine this box with me.
And this box basically represents everything. You know,
this is all the tools you have,
the mental tools you have to address all the problems you have in your life.
But the thing is that outside this box that's a much,
much bigger circle and these are all the knowledge,
all the tools that you don't have access to right now.
These are the things that you don't even know right now.
And so whenever we feel stuck,
what is happening here is we are relying on our small,
tiny little box to solve our problems.
But does box doesn't have the right tools for us to solve the problems.
So what a lot of people do is they try harder.
They try really hard for six months, for a year,
but it doesn't get them anywhere because they're still using those wrong tools.
And what makes things worse here is something called confirmation bias.
So even if you're trying to expand your box here,
you might not expand it to the right ways. So back to the circle example again,
all this stuff that is outside your box are things that you're not familiar with
or things that you're not comfortable with that you downright disagree with
sometimes. But the thing is, because there's something called confirmation bias,
we tend to only listen to advice or to expand our tools in a way that makes
sense to our box right now. You know,
there's so many times when someone comes to me for advice and basically my
advice forces them to do something uncomfortable or something that they're not
used to doing. And instantly they say, Oh no, I can't do that.
That solution doesn't make sense to me.
And it's something that I'm not familiar with, so I'm not going to take it.
So at that moment, that person has a chance to expand that box,
but he's refusing to do so because the expansion is going in a direction where
he's not familiar.
And so what a lot of people do is to just suck in all this information that
they're currently agree with or that makes sense to them today.
And so they're either not expanding this box or they're not really expanding
their box. They're just kind of filling their box with the same information,
with the same old stuff that they've been believing all this time. And so again,
people might think that they're researching, they're,
they're educating themselves,
but really all they're doing is just filling their box with more of the same
tools, thinking that it will be better.
So people will keep trying harder and harder and harder,
but it doesn't get them anywhere.
And that's why they feel stuck because they're using the small little box to
solve their problem. You know,
I love this quote by Albert Einstein that says we can't solve problems by using
the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.
So understand that if you want to solve their problem,
you can not rely on the same thinking that you've been relying on today to solve
their future problems. What you know today,
who you are today can only get you to where you are today,
but it's not very good at getting you to where you want to be.
And so there are really four types of people in this world.
The first type is people who don't know,
and the second type of people are the people who don't know that. I don't know.
Then a third type of people are the people who don't actually know,
but they think they know,
they think they're very smart and this is very dangerous.
That's the most dangerous one.
And the fourth kind a are the people who know they don't know and they seek out
answers.
And so you want to be the fourth person here and you want to avoid it at all
costs. The other three here, so a lot of people coming to me and saying,
for example, Hey Jeff, I feel stuck. Then I asked him, well,
what have you tried? What have you done? And I said,
I've tried everything and I'm like, you've tried everything. You've tried,
all these infinite everything. Come on. What have you tried? Right?
And they say, Oh, I've tried a, B, C, D. and I'm like, dude, that's four things.
You've tried four things and you haven't really tried everything.
And only when you admit that you don't know what you don't know what that the
fact that you haven't really tried everything yet,
then can you open your mind to actually exploring new possibilities?
And in my experience, there's two things you can do to get yourself unstuck.
So number one is you need to humble yourself and you need to open your mind to
things you're not comfortable with,
you're not familiar with that you often don't agree with.
And the reason I say this again is that whenever you have this box and you have
this wider circle that you haven't even explored yet,
the things in those wider circles are the exact things that you will not agree
with, that you will feel very uncomfortable with.
Then you cannot comprehend that you don't understand right now.
But understand that those things that you are very uncomfortable with,
that you are against are the exact things that you need to actually fix your
problems.
Because the existing tools you have today is not working to solve your problems.
So you need different kinds of tools.
So it's not just about research and gathering information here is that you have
to gather the right kinds of information to help you expand your horizon,
different kinds of information to expand your horizon.
And the second thing you should do is to never ever give up until you find that
thing that cracks the code. So I've worked with a lot of couples at this point,
and in a, most of them come in saying, you know what? I've tried everything.
I've tried so many years of therapy, I've tried reading so many books,
but nothing works. And they're convinced that nothing works.
But then what happens is we start working together and we start to tweak their
process and to give them the a few mindset shifts.
And once they get this few mindset shifts and they really,
really get unstuck and there's new mindset shifts,
there's new insights might be difficult for them.
They might be very uncomfortable for them. It might be unfamiliar to them,
but that's exactly the point.
The point is that done familiar stuff to uncomfortable stuff to different stuff
are the exact mindset shifts you need to actually get you unstuck and get
results and get you pointed in the right direction but never give up because it
just takes that few mindset shifts.
The few things that you need to get you unstuck and bring back that hope again.
And once you find this one, two or three things,
then all that feelings of hopelessness will just melt away.
And if you're looking for a resource that can help you get unstuck in your
relationship,
then you want to get access to my four day training series and this four day
training series. We'll teach you the foundations,
the first steps you need to take to actually fixing your relationship and
rebuilding it from the ground up.
So if you're interested in that four day training series,
then you want to click the link in the description box below this video.
And if you have other questions or other concerns about your relationship that
you want to address,
and you can also join our Facebook group where you can post your question and
actually get expert advice on your questions and tell us what are you stuck in
right now? You know,
what is some issue in your relationship that you're facing that you were really
making you feel hopeless and making you feel stuck?
So leave a comment below and I'll respond to your comments as soon as possible.
Or I'll even make a new video out of your comments if it's a really good
question, but if this video was valuable to you,
then give this video a like and subscribe to this channel for more content like
this one. But in the meantime,
just remember that you have the power to transform your relationship by
yourself. So don't ever give up,
even if your partner doesn't want to fix the relationship right now.
But in the meantime, I'll see you in the next video.