[ Westworld title theme ♪ ]
[footsteps]
[ Mitch voicing Bonanza theme ♪ ]
♪ Rollin', rollin', rollin', rawhide ♪
- That's enough. - Roll...
[Stubbs] Mitchie the Kid.
Haven't seen you in here for quite some time.
You know, Mitch is one of the oldest house in the park.
Used to have one of our best-selling narratives.
Dissatisfied city slicker rides out west with his friends
to herd cattle and try and find his smile again.
[Sylvester] Does finding a smile involve going completely off his loop?
Why don't we ask him?
I always wanted to do this.
Mitch... Hellooo?
Do you know where you are?
Uh, the waiting room of the CIA?
Or the waiting room at CAA? [giggles]
This place has less privacy than Trump Tower. [giggles]
Limit your witty affect please.
Hm.
What happened in the park today?
Uh, today was like any other day.
I woke up, hearded some cows, Phil took an hour to pee,
and you know, same old same old, just living the life. [giggles]
Analysis.
- Are you lying to me? - Oh yeah.
This is footage of when he started malfunctioning.
[device beeps]
[gun shot, screams in the background]
What is it with the milk? He does like cows though, so.
[beep]
Do I set it to channel 3 and then press record?
Doesn't matter what channel you're on.
- You just have to press the button. - Ah!
And then you put the tape in?
[shouting] The tape is already in ya moron!
[gun shot]
- What are they even talking about? - They're talking about programming a VCR.
That's a 90s thing.
I'm resetting your annoyance levels and doubling your tolerances for Phil, so.
Mitchie the Kid, you should be good to go.
Thank you, other Hemsworth Brother. [giggles]
[device]
Never gets old.
♪
[indistinct talking]
Get the wood. Can't cook [bleep] without a fire.
Ah, don't sell yourself short, cookie. You can cook [bleep] in all conditions.
[whispering] What are you doing with these guys?
They're digging dirt for gold.
I didn't come here for that, I came here to push cows.
Well, a lot of gold miners are also cowboys.
[cowboy] Hey! Now pick up that [bleep] axe and go chop us...
[Mitch] They're just dirt guys. [stammers] I mean, look at...
How come everybody's frozen and we didn't freeze?
I didn't freeze because you didn't freeze.
Do you have to do everything that I do Phil?
Can't you just be your own man?
[stammers] What kind of man do you think I should be?
♪
- A dead one. - [gun shot]
[Stubbs] Mitch. Phil.
Bring yourselves back online.
Oh, this can't be good.
- Are we in detention? - I don't know where the hell we are.
Last thing I remember is I was riding on the plains with Curly,
and he was trying to teach me the secret to life.
- Secret to life? - Ooh, yeah.
- What was it? - He said it was one thing, just one thing.
- Your finger? - No, not my fingers.
It is one thing. You stick to the one thing in your life,
- and everything else means [bleep] - Wow. What was it?
That you have to figure out for yourself.
That's a load of crap. Seriously, what was it? What was the one thing?
- [indistinct background talking] - Obviously, their core friendship
parameters need to be realigned.
- What is the one thing? The one thing-- - The one thing is this!
[gun shot]
Freeze all motor functions.
So the secret to life is shooting me?
[Sylvester] Now they're not responding to vocal commands.
- ...Go ahead. Go ahead. Right here. - I'll prep for a decommission.
- Shoot me! - [gun shot]
You shot me!
Hey fellas, where the hell are we?
What is this, the Kevorkian Ear Nose and Throat Clinic? [giggles]
Shut up.
Just imagine I am a dentist, but for your nose.
- Tilt your head back please Mitch. - [drilling starts]
[Sylvester] There we go.
Oooh, right in the schnoz.
[drilling stops]
[Phil] Mitch? Pal?
[Mitch sneezing]
Goddammit!
[Mitch] Ah! I can breathe again.
This is unbelievable!
See, I'm from Long Island. We had a lot of allergies when I was a kid.
My parents were gonna send me to Scottsdale Arizona to grow up in a dry environment.
Take it easy!
- Can you do the other side? - That's it. I've had enough.
You're both going into cold storage.
Why is everybody naked?
Because all the hosts are naked.
- Why aren't you guys naked? - Um, cause it's in HD.
- Moobs. Eh. - You guys are cute.
- Hi, I'm Mitch. - I'm Clementine.
Not much of a rind on you.
- I'll give you a discount. - How much?
It's $5 dollars for an hour, it's $4 if you bathe first.
Does it have to be an hour all at once?
Can it be spread out over like a month or two.
- We could-- - We'll work something out.
Oh good, okay.
♪
Holy [bleep]. $5 bucks.
♪
Anybody? I got 5.
- I got 5! Hello? - [cow bellows]
[Mitch] Norman, not now!