♪ ♪
♪
>> WE ARE ALL HAVING A HAPPY AND
MAGICAL FRIDAY, EVERYONE, AND
WHAT A GREAT SHOW THAT WE HAVE
FOR YOU.
IT’S ALMOST SO GOOD THAT I DON’T
WANT TO SHARE WITH YOU, BUT I
WILL BECAUSE I AM A GIVING
PERSON.
THE NURSES AT THE BLOOD BANK, IN
FACT, SOMETIMES I WILL EVEN
DONATE MY OWN.
NOW, THERE HAS BEEN A LOT OF
TALK ABOUT WHO THE DEMOCRATIC
NOMINEE SHOULD BE FOR 2024.
WE ARE NOT EVEN HALFWAY THROUGH THE TERM AND THEY ALREADY WANT
THE TERM AND THEY ALREADY WANT
TO BAIL ON JOE.
>> CAN YOU BLAME THEM, THE
FAVORABILITY WOULD BE IS TWO
POINTS AHEAD OF RHEUMATOID
ARTHRITIS AND THREE POINTS BELOW
AND AWARDS.
BUT ANYWAY, THAT DOESN’T SEEM
FAIR TO JOE BIDEN OUT AT ALL. HE’S GOT THE EXPERIENCE, AND THE
HE’S GOT THE EXPERIENCE, AND THE
LOOK. IT WAS LIKE HE WAS SNIFFING HAIR
IT WAS LIKE HE WAS SNIFFING HAIR
LIKE TRAN-NINES.
THAT’S NOT WHAT THE WHITE HOUSE
NEEDS, BUT A COFFIN FOR JOE.
HE TAKES IT AWAY WHEN HE ENSURES
THERE IS NO DEAD BODY IN THEIR.
SO DISGUSTING.
BUT LIKE MY WIFE AND THE
HOMELESS MUSICIAN SHE INVITED,
THEY ARE NOT EVEN HIDING IT
ANYMORE.
SUDDENLY THEY ARE MAILING YOU
BOXES OF OMAHA STEAKS, CASES OF
RED BULL AND KEEP SNEAKING UP
BEHIND YOU AT FAMILY FUNCTIONS.
THE JOE BIDEN NAME IS TOO STRONG
TO IGNORE.
[LAUGHTER]
>> OKAY, SO NOW YOU ARE ON HIS
SIDE.
WHICH IS WHY I’M SAYING IT’S
TIME TO SUPPORT JOE BIDEN IN
2024.
THAT’S RIGHT, JOE BIDEN IN 2024. ♪ ♪
♪ ♪
♪
>> THAT’S RIGHT.
FORGET JOE, IT’S TIME FOR
HUNTER.
IT STANDS TO REASON THERE WILL
BE AN IMPROVEMENT.
THERE IS A TON OF REASONS WHY
HUNTER WOULD MAKE A GREAT
PRESIDENT.
SERIOUSLY, HUNTER CANNOT BE
BLACKMAILED.
WHAT IF SOME FOREIGN AGENT
APPROACHES HIM AND SAYS
MR. PRESIDENT, HE WOULD PROBABLY
REPLY FINE.
>> DO YOU HAVE ONE FROM THIS
ANGLE? OR THIS ANGLE?
OR THIS ANGLE?
HOW ABOUT THIS.
>> THEY ALWAYS HAVE SOME THINGS
THAT KEEP THEM BUSY.
THINKING I DIDN’T THINK KIDS
COULD GET ANY FATTER.
BUT INSTEAD OF A FIRST LADY,
THEY WILL HAVE FIRST LADIES OF
THE EVENING.
HOW FUN WOULD IT BE TO SEE THEM
AT THE INAUGURATION AND SHORT
SHORTS AND A BELLY SHIRT.
WHILE OTHERS ARE IN THE LINCOLN
BEDROOM THAT IS NOW THE GROTTO.
IF ANYONE CAN COME, THIS GUY CAN OFF THE NATIONAL DEBT.
OFF THE NATIONAL DEBT.
HE COULD PUMP OUT 400 OF THOSE
AMOUNTS, RIGHT OUT OF HIS NOSE.
HE ALSO KNOWS ACCOUNTING AS
WELL.
PROSTITUTES AS A MEDICAL
SERVICE?
I NEED TO SWITCH DOCTORS. AND HIS ADVISORS WILL WANT TO BE
AND HIS ADVISORS WILL WANT TO BE VERY SPECIFIC BUT HE CAN ALSO
VERY SPECIFIC BUT HE CAN ALSO
TACKLE THE DRUG CRISIS.
WHO BETTER TO DEAL WITH THE DRUG
CARTELS AND THOSE THAT HAVE
THEIR SPECIFIC NUMBER. AND DID YOU SEE THIS?
AND DID YOU SEE THIS?
[INAUDIBLE]
>> 2.07.
[INAUDIBLE] >> HE’S THE ONLY GUY THAT DOES
>> HE’S THE ONLY GUY THAT DOES
DRUGS THAT WEARS A GO PRO.
[LAUGHTER]
BUT YOU SAW HOW PRECISE HE WAS.
FINALLY THERE’S A POLITICIAN
WITH ALL THE PRICES THEY WANT LOWERED.
HE HAS CLOSED OFF SO MUCH THAT
HE HAS TO ADD CLOSE.
WHAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT
QUESTION FOR A PRESIDENT?
WILL YOU BE AWAKE AT 3:00 A.M.
TO TAKE A PHONE CALL?
[LAUGHTER]
YEAH, YOU KNOW, IF YOU THINK
THAT’S IMPORTANT, HE WILL BE
AWAKE TO TAKE ANY:LESSONS FROM A
BABY MAMA.
BUT IN ANY EMERGENCY, HUNTER
WILL ALWAYS BE THE FIRST ONE
THERE, BECAUSE HE WON’T WASTE
TIME GETTING DRESSED.
SO YES, THE WRONG JOE BIDEN IS
RUNNING.
JOE BIDEN IS RIGHT.
HE TOOK THE FAMILY NAME TO TURN
IT INTO A CASH COW OF RECKLESS
HEDONISM.
THIS GUY, HE IS IN MALIBU.
HE MUST’VE THOUGHT HECK, WHY DID
I NOT DO THAT.
AND SO THERE YOU HAVE IT, I
THINK HE HAS THE BALLS TO DO IT,
BECAUSE I’VE SEEN HIM IN THE
VIDEO.
[CHEERS]
[APPLAUSE]
>> HE MAY WANT TO HAVE THEM
LOOKED AT, THEY ARE A LITTLE BIT
BLURRY.
WHAT DO YOU THINK, JOE?
>> OH, GIVE ME A BREAK, I AM
DRIVING THIS THING, HUNTER IS
BEHIND ME.
WE ARE A TEAM.
WE ARE LIKE A MULLET, BUSINESS
IN THE FRONT AND PARTY IN THE
BACK.
>> SO WE ARE ALL IN AGREEMENT
HERE.
OKAY, KEEP IT IN THE FAMILY,
2024.
THE SLOGAN COULD BE THE BIDEN
CAN TRUST TO MAKE IT TO THE TOP
OF THE STAIRS.
JUST KEEP HIM AWAY FROM YOUR
DAUGHTERS AND YOUR MEDICINE
CABINET.
AND WE WELCOME TONIGHT’S GUEST.
HE’S SO BRILLIANT ALL OF HIS
TEETH ARE WISDOM TEETH.
WALTER KIRN.
[CHEERS]
[APPLAUSE]
AND WE ALSO HAVE AN OLD FRIEND,
SHE KNOWS HUMAN RIGHTS, HUMAN RIGHTS LAWYER AND AWARD-WINNING
RIGHTS LAWYER AND AWARD-WINNING
FILMMAKER, BROOKE GOLDSTEIN.
AND SHE HAS THE GIFT OF GAB AND
IS KNOWN TO STAB. WE HAVE KAT TIMPF.
WE HAVE KAT TIMPF.
AND THE LAST TIME YOU VOTED HAD
HEADS, MAKE SURE TO BUTT HEADS
WITH TYRUS. ALL RIGHT, WALTER.
ALL RIGHT, WALTER.
SHOULDN’T WE GET BEHIND HIM
100%?
>> YOU KNOW, SINCE YOU SOLD THE
JOKE THAT I TOLD YOU LAST NIGHT
ABOUT THE 3:00 A.M. PHONE CALL,
YOU KNOW.
[LAUGHTER]
>> YOU’RE RIGHT, YOU’RE RIGHT.
LIKE I HAVE ANY CHOICE.
[LAUGHTER]
>> WELL, I BOUGHT YOU A CRAB
CAKE.
>> WHO DOES THAT?
>> HERE’S MY THEORY, IT’S
ACTUALLY AN EPISODE OF THE
MASKED SINGER.
SO WE DON’T REALLY KNOW WHO IS
PRESIDENT. AND I HAVE A THEORY AS TO WHO
AND I HAVE A THEORY AS TO WHO
THAT IS MAKING HIM LOOK BAD, AND
THE PERSON I THINK IT MIGHT BE
BEHIND THE MASK IS RUDY
GIULIANI.
[LAUGHTER] >> SO PREDICTABLE, WELL, BROOKE,
>> SO PREDICTABLE, WELL, BROOKE,
IT IS GREAT TO SEE YOU.
>> YOU SHOULD COME VISIT.
>> DOES NOT MEAN THAT I’M
STAYING AT YOUR PLACE?
[LAUGHTER]
>> HE CAN’T BE ANY WORSE THAN
HIS DAD, WHAT DO YOU THINK?
WHAT ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT?
>> WELL, I READ AN ARTICLE THE
OTHER DAY THAT SAID THAT WE NEED
TO SHOW COMPASSION FOR HUNTER
BIDEN.
HE’S THE ONLY SURVIVING SON OF
THE PRESIDENT, HIS MOTHER AND
SISTER HAD PERISHED IN A
TERRIBLE CAR ACCIDENT, SO HE
SHOULD BE DEALING WITH HIS
ISSUES, BUT INSTEAD HE IS FRONT
AND CENTER AT THE WHITE HOUSE.
HE IS THROWING HIMSELF OUT THERE
IS A PUBLIC FIGURE AND IT IS A
NATIONAL SECURITY ISSUE.
AND I DON’T THINK IT’S A JOKE, I
THINK IT’S SUPER SCARY AND THE
OTHER THING THAT I FIND
TROUBLING, THERE IS A POLL THAT
IS RELEASED, 64% OF DEMOCRATS DO
NOT WANT JOE BIDEN TO BE THE
PRESIDENT.
OKAY?
AND THEY DON’T WANT THE
PRESIDENT, THEY WANT HIM TO STEP
DOWN TO BE REPLACED AND THAT IS
A VOTE OF NO CONFIDENCE BY YOUR OWN PARTY WHICH IS KIND OF SCARY
OWN PARTY WHICH IS KIND OF SCARY
AND UNPRECEDENTED.
>> AFTER HAVING GOTTEN THE MOST
VOTES.
>> YES, THIS IS TRUE.
>> ANOTHER BRILLIANT IDEA.
>> I LOVE THE 3:00 A.M. JOKE,
JUST TO LET YOU KNOW.
[LAUGHTER]
LOUISIANA I CAN ONLY IMAGINE THE
SIZE OF LAUGHTER.
>> GREG SAID HALF THE AUDIENCE
WOULD NOT GET, BUT I SAID THAT
THE BEST HALF WILL.
[LAUGHTER]
>> I RESPECTFULLY DISAGREE, I
THINK THAT HE HAD A
RESPONSIBILITY FOR HIS PAST
BROTHERS AND SISTERS TO BE THE
BEST THAT HE COULD BE.
WE TALKED ABOUT THIS BUT HE HAD
A HORRIBLE ROLE MODEL AS A
FATHER, WHICH I SAID BAD
PARENTING, CONSTANTLY THROWING
MONEY INSTEAD OF TIME, PUBLIC
SERVICE, HOW CAN YOU SERVE THE
PUBLIC WHEN YOU CAN’T SERVE YOUR
HOME.
AND WE ARE SEEING IT IN GRAND
FASHION.
AND AGAIN, WE TALKED ABOUT BAD
PARENTING ENABLING ON A GRAND
SCALE.
MOST PARENTS CUT THEM OFF AND
THEY DEAL WITH IT, AND HE NEVER
DID THAT.
AND YOU WANT TO KNOW WHO HE’S
LOOKING AT, HE IS LOOKING AT
THAT.
HE IS FEARLESS BECAUSE NO MATTER
WHAT HE DOES, GOOD OLD DAD WILL
MAKE IT GO AWAY.
AND NOW IT’S NOT.
AND HE DOESN’T CARE BECAUSE HE
STOPPED CARING A LONG TIME AGO.
>> BY THE WAY, I LIKE IT WHEN
YOU CALL ME MR. [LAUGHTER]
>> THAT IS BECAUSE HE WAS WELL
RAISED.
>> THAT WAS PAYBACK.
THAT WAS PAYBACK.
>> YOU KNOW, YOU CAN BOO HIM.
[LAUGHTER]
>> WE KNOW RIGHT NOW THAT WHITE
MEN CANNOT BE RACIST, IT IS
OUTSOURCED TO US.
>> WE DID REPLACE YOU.
>> YOU KNOW, THAT, YOU KNOW, NO
PUN INTENDED IN DEFENSE OF
HUNTER BIDEN.
HE LACKS ANY POTENTIAL FOR
SHAME.
DOES NOT MAKE YOU A GREAT LEADER
NOT TO BE EMBARRASSED?
>> I GET THAT YOU’RE KIND OF
JOKING, I GET IT, YOU ARE
COMMITTED TO THE BIT RIGHT NOW
AND THAT IS GREAT.
>> WHY IS EVERYBODY BEING SO
MEAN TO ME?
WHAT DID I DO?
>> SPEAK FOR YOURSELF.
>> MAYBE IT WAS A FEMINIST AWARD
THING.
>> WHAT IS NOT FUNNY IS GIVEN
THE CHOICE BETWEEN HIM AND HIS
DAD, HE ACTUALLY IS MORE
QUALIFIED TO BE THE PRESIDENT,
EVEN WITH EVERYTHING AND
EVERYTHING ELSE.
HE ALWAYS REMEMBERS THE FILM,
YOU KNOW?
[LAUGHTER]
AND SO MANY DEMOCRATS ARE ACTING
LIKE OF COURSE HE IS RUNNING.
IT’S LIKE WELL, RUNNING WHERE?
AND TWO REASONS, I CAN SEE AND I
CAN HEAR.
AND IF I WAS SHAKING HANDS WITH
THE AIR, I WOULDN’T BE ABLE TO