Would it surprise you that my Christmas tree I dangled from a rope in my backyard in January
is still currently dangling there, like some sort of white trash badge of honor?
It wouldn’t?
Cool- you’ve probably been a regular viewer.
It’s like I don’t even need one of those Private Property signs to tell people to keep
moving.
By the way if you don’t see one of those signs posted outside of someones house, feel
free to just stroll inside and help yourself to all the Busch Light you can fill in a plastic
Walmart bag.
Completely legal.
Actually other than, giving my in-laws pause at what kind of bro their daughter married,
it was my intention to chop it up when I got time to complete my Ontario machete review.
I got lots of shit to do.
But before we get to that, let’s dimension it up.
Overall length and weight, with and without the sheath.
By the way this did not come with the sheath, I paid about $8 for a cheap one.
The Machete was about $12 with an eBay coupon- so $20 total.
Cool story.
Blade length and cutting edge.
Also note when researching some machetes and bush swords some places list total length-
18” inches here refers to the blade.
Also a great story.
Handle size and grip area.
Do you think my wife’s parents thought I was drying it out?
Spine thickness and handle thickness.
I mean I’m not sure for what.
No one’s ever asked about it.
Tallnesses?
I guess the rule of thumb is, if you’re a guest- avoid conversations of the Christmas
tree dangling from another tree in the back yard by a rope.
The Ontario 18” military machete has been made in the USA for over 70 years and if you
don’t believe me- than the Amazon description words would like to have some words with you.
Basically that’s all the research I do ever because product descriptions are never wrong.
It appears to be made for the US military- so if we pay $20 they must pay $50.
The 18” blade and it’s 15 inch cutting edge, is made from a 1095 carbon steel coated
in a black matte Zinc Phosphate.
It’s kind of sparkly, and has a good amount of friction.
It’s not a thick powder coat like an esse or a slick coating like my schrade.
It gets smoother the more you chop with it.
Carbon steel is also code for it gets rusty if you don’t dry it after your jungle adventure.
The spine near the tang is about 3 1/3 mm, and it maintains about a 2 and 3/4 to 3 mm
spine thickness to the tip.
It varies a little, because Ontario says it’s good enough for the military so it’s good
enough for internet nitpickers.
It’s about 1mm behind the edge though- all this translates into a sort of heavier machete
with a balance point somewhere in the center of the overall length.
You can flex it, but it isn’t an easy flex.
Like a lot of cheap machetes, the tip is blunted- it’s not meant to be a stabber.
The handle…
it’s full tang, and the scales are plastic or I mean high impact shatter proof polymer-
that sounds way less cheap.
The handle is comfortable and rounded, almost kind of bulbous- another word Ordinary Everyday
Guy recommended I stopped saying.
The plastic handle scales and tang aren’t precisely flush everywhere because you know
how hard machetes are to make??
Come on!
When chopping The front and rear quillions were large enough to keep it in my hand.
I have found on larger machetes and weeboo lawn tools the rear quillion does the job
of keeping it from slipping out of the hand… because as you’re chopping the knife tends
to slip forward out of your hand, and that rounded oversized rear quill ion helps a slightly
heavier machete like this one in your hand.
It also has a hole in the back for a lanyard, another consideration to help keep the machete
in your hand when chopping and or whacking.
It doesn’t come with it or a skull bead.
The sheath.
The sheath is optional, so you can buy whatever you want, create one out of duck tape or have
one made- but I bought the recommended one off Amazon for cheap- and it’s a simple
padded nylon sheath.
It does the job of keeping the blade protected, but takes a while to dry out when it gets
soaked, because of the light padding.
Much like a bra be careful when putting it in the dryer.
The sheath dandles low enough, and it might have been cool with another buckle near the
bottom for leg stability.
There are no draining holes in the tip… so I’d only store the machete in it if the
sheath and machete are dry.
Or don’t if you treat your stuff like garbage.
Comparisons.
I don’t own a lot of machetes currently…
but let’s take a look.
First the Ontario.
Ontario makes longer and shorter machetes.
It’s kind of heavy for a latin machete or bush machete- the basic style machete it is.
It has a thicker spine than other lighter machetes…
so it’s kind of good for thicker brush or alternatively sitting in your basement for
six months unused awaiting a Youtube review.
Below I’ll link a page to machete styles, so you can see which best represents your
spirit in blade form.
Are you a round like a bolo or have a parang curve.
Now the condor tool and knife Yoshimi machete.
I don’t know if this is considered a latin machete… it’s more like a sword- a machete
and chopper in one It has a thick unbendable blade stock, and can be sort of heavy for
one handed chopping… also the lack of a large pronounced rear quillion on such a heavy
blade means you might have to hold on extra hard and grit your teeth like a tough guy.
Or use two hands…
although using two hands means you have one less hand free for stabilizing if need be.
I dunno one guy commented on that video who owned it telling me I was wrong, and he uses
it for his job every day.
I prefer the Ontario for light branch cutting.
I would guess if you use nice grippy gloves, that all may be fine for the condor.
How about the Esee Jungles 2?
More of a knife…
it has a nice comfortable handle… notice the nice rear and front quillions?
This one tends to stay in the hand while chopping unsafely glove free.
How about the Zombie Tools Vakra Kukri.
It’s more for chopping thicker wood because of it’s thick blade stock.
It’s here mostly for size comparison.
Wrap it up?
A good cheap machete is a great yard tool, if you have an unruly yard like mine where
the prior tenants planted ugly invasive plants that overrun the yard.
Although I actually have fun cutting it back, I have a socially acceptable reason to own
a sword.
Like hack: cheap machetes are more affordable to hang over your fireplace than samurai swords-
unless you shop at Bud K.
The machete came reasonably sharp… not like a new pocket knife, but good enough for chopping
green branches and trees.
And to cut my finger if I felt a little emo.
It is a bit heavy- and I might end up getting a lighter Tramontina, Condor, or Imacasa budget
machete to compare it to.
I mean I don’t need to but I probably will.
I like the 18” blade, as it gives it a good reach.
It cuts through new bamboo and grown stuff too and whatever the heck those trees are
near the septic tank.
If you are cutting woodier older branches, this might not fare as well.
Try a kukri instead.
I mean if you have your own chopping stump and you have something solild to brace the
thicker branches against, chop away homegirl.
If you like this video, subscribe to the channel- give the video a thumbs up.
If you think you need this machete buy it through my links below- or buy it somewhere
else if you think I already am wealthy enough.
Regular price floats between $15 and $25 again without the sheath.
I say that because someone will be like I bought this and it didn’t come with a dang
sheath- you liar.
The internet is full of stupid people, believe me.
It’s a good starter machete that you might be happy with or it could start a whole new
fun impractical collection as you try to find the perfect machete- you know while you’re
still trying to find that perfect pocket knife…
Leave a comment- thanks for watching.