How is living with insomnia like living with a playground bully?
The two are remarkably similar — and that’s what I’m going to be talking about in today’s
video!
Hi, I'm Martin Reed.
If you have insomnia, I offer sleep coaching programs that will give you all the skills
and support you need to enjoy better sleep for the rest of your life.
You can learn more at insomniacoach.com.
The more I talk about insomnia and the relationship clients have with their sleep, the more I
am recognizing that insomnia is remarkably similar to a schoolyard bully — both thrive
on attention.
It’s true that the school bully might initially pick out their victim based on who appears
to be an easier target (just as insomnia picks us out at times of change, heightened stress,
worry, or uncertainty) — but both only stick around if they get the attention they crave.
So, with this in mind, we can see that sometimes there’s little we can do to avoid attracting
the bully’s attention — just as there’s little we can do about sleep disruption that
occurs in response to big changes in our lives.
However, we can choose how we react to the problem — whether it’s the opening move
from a bully or that initial sleep disruption.
And this usually determines how long the problem sticks around.
If we try to hide from the bully, stop visiting friends in case the bully is there, stop pursuing
enjoyable activities in case we run across the bully, and allow the potential or actual
presence of that bully to affect our decision making and how we live our lives, we give
the bully everything they want.
There’s nothing that bully would like more than to know just how much time you are spending
thinking and worrying about them and allowing them to control your life.
Insomnia is exactly the same.
If we try to avoid insomnia, if we stop visiting friends because we had a difficult night,
if we stop pursuing enjoyable activities because of sleep and insomnia, if we shut ourselves
indoors all day, and if we allow insomnia to control our decision making, we give insomnia
the attention it needs to thrive.
Just as we can starve a schoolyard bully of the attention they crave by ignoring them,
if we minimize our reaction to any difficult nights of sleep, we starve insomnia of the
attention it craves.
Just as a playground bully will soon get bored and lose interest when their target proves
to be unresponsive, you’ll likely find your insomnia becomes less of an issue in your
life if you don’t respond to it and if you don’t give it the attention It’s looking
for.
Now, if you have had any experience with a bully you’ll know that the bully doesn’t
usually lose interest the first time you ignore them.
You need to be consistent.
The bully will probably return quite often at first, to test your resolve.
They might even start to work even harder to get a reaction from you.
However, over time they will lose interest if you don’t give them the reaction and
attention they crave.
And, insomnia is the same.
If you can avoid the temptation to react to a difficult night of sleep, that probably
doesn’t mean insomnia will disappear overnight.
You need to be consistent.
The insomnia will return — probably quite frequently at first — to test your resolve.
You might put together a few good nights of sleep and then insomnia returns more intensely
than ever before.
This is just the insomnia testing you.
To see if it can work its way back into your life.
If you don’t give insomnia the attention it craves, if you choose not to give it any
influence or control over your life, you’ll be well on your way towards getting rid of
your insomnia and enjoying better sleep for the rest of your life.
So I hope you found this short video helpful.
If you did, please click the like button and subscribe to the channel, and click the notification
bell so you don't miss any future videos.
I do try to share some new sleep snippet videos every week.
If you have any questions, comments, feedback, or suggestions for a future video, please
leave a comment below or you can email me directly.
My email address is hello@insomniacoach.com.
Thanks for watching, and — as always — I'd like to leave you with this important reminder.
You can sleep!