On the last season of glee, the--well...
let’s just pretend it never happened because that’s what we do best on GLEE!
[News music]
After a strange and bizarre year,
it finally looks like McKinley’s New Directions are getting their heart back.
Or at least that’s what the promos say.
[Jacob:] So, what do you think will be different this year?
Um...guys?
Oh. My. Pac-man. The camera has been on us for more than three seconds.
You mean you actually want to hear us say something?
With our mouths?
Is this the Twilight Zone?
[Jacob:] So, Ms. Jones, what happened to your boyfriend Sam?
Oh, he moved. Something about a village where all “Trouty Mouths” can live as one.
[Jacob:] I see.
Besides, I have a new boyfriend. He understands me and my love for tater tots.
Isn’t that right, my big chocolate man?
That’s right my little coco puff.
Wow. Did we really just say that?
Yeah...
[Jacob:] So what are your plans for the future, Mr. Hudson?
I don’t have any!
[Jacob:] You two seem awfully close. Are you dating?
She’s my bitch.
I can confirm this.
This year is going to be completely different!
Completely!
Any story-lines or inconsistencies we had last year
is going to be completely disregarded this year.
We’ll just pretend last year never happened.
Our senior year is going to be-
Fabulous!
Kurt, I thought you were going to let me do the closing of the interview.
Bitch please, I’m Kurt Hummel.
Is it true? Can we really forget all that had happened last year?
We shall see.
Emma?
Yes, Will?
Why are we in bed together?
Apparently we’re a couple again.
When did that happen?
I don’t know.
So, what’s for breakfast?
[School Bell rings]
Alright guys, this year is going to be different.
This year, not only are we going to make it to Nationals, but we’re gonna win it.
Too bad Skyscraper and Low-rise had to ruin it for us.
Look, I know Finn and Rachel screwed everything up-
What!?
But the past is the past. It’s time to focus on the future.
What’s with the pianos?
This is your first assignment of the year.
The...um...Brown Piano Project.
That was the best name you could come up with?
Shut up.
Now, throughout the school these pianos will be randomly placed.
When you see one, I want you to sing.
Do you think this will make people want to join glee club?
Yep, that’s the idea.
Can’t this kind of stuff get us suspended for disrupting the teaching environment?
It’s called taking one for the team, Rachel.
Has anyone seen Quinn? I kinda have to talk to her.
No one’s seen her since school started.
All the more reason why we need more members.
Well, I think this is a great idea Mr. Schue.
This project should attract the right kind of attention.
Thank you, Tina. I appreciate your answer.
Wait. Really?
Of course.
You’re the best, Tina. We appreciate you.
That’s random.
I know. So is giving you screen time!
Alright, guys! Make me proud.
Okay, so it has occurred to me that your obsession with Finn is still going strong.
Well, it’s not-
Mm mm, dear. I’m talking.
Yeah, but-
Shut up, bitch.
Now, I’m going to say some words and I want you to say the first thing that comes to mind.
What is this test for?
To see how deep your obsession runs. Okay, first word. Love.
Finn.
Purple.
Finn.
Clouds.
Finn.
Cinnamon toast-
Finn.
Okay, we need to get you some help.
What can I do?
We need to get you a best friend.
Someone to help curve your obsession. Kurt, perhaps?
Every diva needs a gay best friend.
So, have you made up your mind?
I can’t just ditch the Warblers, Pop Tart.
But if you don’t, I’ll be forced to guilt trip you.
They’re my friends, I don’t want to-
[demonic voice] You will transfer, Blaine. If you don’t, you’ll regret it.
[horror music]
Kurt happy voice] Could you pass the sugar?
[Quinn Voice Over:] If you asked me, “Quinn, why do you look like this?”
I would say, “I don’t know.” Because I don’t.
No clue, but here I am...pink hair, dark clothes, and a meaningless tattoo.
Needless to say, I’ve dropped my old look faster than Kurt dropped Mercedes.
I’m a new Quinn Fabray and to be honest, I think I’m looking pretty good.
You look like shit.
Gee thanks, Santana.
Are you guys like allergic to soap or something?
I’m hanging with a cool group of people of now.
Yeah we know, the Skunks.
Skanks.
Like there’s a difference.
Is there a reason you’re both here?
Yeah, we want you back on the Cheerios with us.
We didn’t think the haircut was going to cause this much damage.
Yeah, you’ve taken it to a whole new level.
Would you at least come back to glee club? We need you.
That’s too bad. I’m done with the Cheerios and glee and all the drama that comes along with it.
Unicorn.
I know, Britt. I know.
Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God!
You’ve been saying that for the past three minutes.
I just can’t get over the fact your transferred here.
I-I’m so surprised!
Candy Cane, you basically forced me to trans-
So! What shall we do now, boyfriend’o’mine?
Well, it can’t be a complete episode without a Blaine song.
[sings] You shake my nerves and you rattle my brain
Too much love drives a man insane
You broke my will
But what a thrill
Goodness gracious great balls of fire!
I laughed at love cause I thought it was funny
You came along and moooooved me honey
I've changed my mind
This love is fine
Goodness gracious great balls of fire!
Kiss me baby
Ooooooh feels good
Hold me baby
I'm about to love you like a lover should
You're fine, so kind
Got to tell this world that you're mine mine mine mine
I chew my nails and I twiddle my thumbs
I'm real nervous but it sure is fun
C'mon baby, you drive me crazy
Goodness gracious great balls of fire!
Hey!
Kiss me baby
Ooooooh feels good
Hold me baby
I'm about to love you like a lover should
You're fine, so kind
Got to tell this world that you're mine mine mine mine
I chew my nails and I twiddle my thumbs
I'm real nervous but it sure is fun
C'mon baby, you drive me crazy
Goodness gracious great balls of fire!
[BEEP BEEP - EXPLOSION]
I didn’t do it.
[Angry Student] I warned you!
Hey, you’re that girl from before who stopped me from singing.
I warned you! I said I wanted some peace and fucking quiet and what do you do?
You sing! My lunch time is a quiet time, okay?!
That means you don’t start hopping around like the fucking energizer bunny croaking out a tune!
Do you got it!?
Y-Yes, I got it.
Good! I don’t want to have this conversation again.
Why did you call me in here, Sue?
Have a seat, William. Try not to get hair product on the seat.
I don’t want to burn the plastic.
What’s this about?
I just wanted to tell you I’m running for Congress.
Why? Because they don’t know what else to do with my character.
What does this have to do with me?
I’ll be so busy beating the living crap out of the polls that I won’t
have time to torture your squawking pigeons.
Good to know.
Besides, you’ve got enough drama of your own with the midget’s mother returning
and Emma not giving it up-
Are we done here?
But be rest assured...Sue will always be here to make your day that much worse.
You could leave now and take your hair with you.
Guys, welcome our newest member, Blaine Anderson.
It’s gonna be a great year, guys! I can feel it!
Fuck you.
Finn, what’s wrong with you?
I’m always bitter when a better looking, better singing and better dancing male joins the club.
Why? You afraid you won’t be top dog anymore?
That reminds me.
Santana your out of the club. I can’t have you on Sue’s side you’ll divide the team.
Whatever.
I’ll be back in an episode anyway.
I thought we were supposed to be bringing members IN.
I know what will cheer us up.
Are you gonna take your top off?
[Rachel:] N-No.
Let’s sing!
That’s sounds like a great idea!
We appreciate you.
I still think she should take her top off instead.
[Band plays Miley Cyrus’ “Breakout”]
[Sings:] Every week's the same, stuck in school, so lame
My parents say that I'm lazy
Getting up at 8 a.m's crazy
Tired of being told what to do, so unfair, so uncool
The day's too long and I'm holding on
Till I hear the bell ring
'Cause that's the time when we're gonna
Time when we're gonna
Breakout
Let the party start
We're gonna stay out
Gonna break some hearts
We're gonna dance till the dance floor falls apart
Uh oh, all over again.
We're gonna wake up everyone we know
We're gonna have some fun, gonna lose control
Feels so good, to let go-oh-oh.
Hangin' out's just somethin' we like to do
My friends and the mess we get into
These are the lessons that we choose
Not a book full of things we'll never use
The day's too long and I'm holding on
Till I hear the bell ring
'Cause that's the time when we're gonna
Time when we're gonna
Breakout
Let the party start
We're gonna stay out
Gonna break some hearts
We're gonna dance till the dance floor falls apart
Uh oh, all over again.
We're gonna wake up everyone we know
We're gonna have some fun, gonna lose control
Feels so good, to let go-oh-oh.
[the risers above CRACK and BREAK]
[Quinn:] AHH! OH! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!
I’m glad you’ve finally decided to come see me, Quinn.
I was forced. Puck threw me over his shoulder and dragged me here.
It was the only way I could get you to see her to talk about-
We are not talking about our baby.
I’m surprised you remembered you had one.
What’s that supposed to mean?
I was told you didn’t mention her once last year.
Are you kidding me?
All I did last year was talk endlessly about my baby Carol.
Beth.
That’s what I meant.
Right. If you want to see Beth you’re gonna have to change your attitude and your look.
You can’t tell me when to see my own child-
Quinn, don’t be rude. She’s giving us a chance to see Beth and
holy crap I can’t believe I’m actually saying meaningful lines.
When can I see her?
I told you, when you clean up your act...and body.
I’m sorry, but I have to say this.
Your hair looks like it’s been dyed with Pepto Bismol.
You sound like your daughter.
What are you talking about? Beth can’t talk yet-
No, your birth daughter.
Rachel?
Oh yeah! I forgot about her...
Whatever. I’m gonna see my baby. And you’re not gonna stop me.
Unicorn.
Alright guys, welcome to our first annual Booty Call!
Camp! Booty Camp is what I meant!
Guess we know what’s on your mind.
Let’s get started!
Finn, you suck at dancing so let’s humiliate you first. Then Mercedes.
Mr. Schue?
Quinn?
I know this past week I’ve been acting immature, but if you’ll let me...
I’d love to be back in glee club...with my family.
Welcome back, Quinn.
I’m proud of you, Quinn.
What the-
I’m getting our baby back. I’m going for full custody.
Even if that means pretending I’m happy...IHBBP.
What does that stand for?
I have big baby plans.
Brittany, although I doubted you at first I have to say, you were right.
I am a unicorn and I do think it’ll help in my running for senior class president.
Unicorn.
Wait, what?
Unicorn.
What do you mean you’re running against me for senior class president?
Unicorn.
I knew Santana had something to do with this! Damn you, Brittana.
Unicorn.
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