When you go to Arby's, you know one thing: they have the meats.
And a bunch of other stuff.
So much stuff, in fact, it can be hard to decide which stuff to eat.
Well, we're here to help, with a look at some things you should absolutely never order from
Arby's.
Sandwiches are prisons for food.
The whole point is to trap the good stuff inside a cage of bread.
If things are falling out of your sandwich, or dripping, or turning the bread itself into
mush, that's the sign of an unsuccessful sandwich — like Arby's Reuben.
Their rye is the main culprit, as it's just not sturdy enough to stand up to the thousand
island dressing and sauerkraut.
And while there seems to be enough meat, it's unevenly distributed, leading to pockets of
boring bread.
Our suggestion?
Just get something else instead.
"I'm not eating that s---.
I want a Big Montana."
"A what?"
"A Big Montana from Arby's, with curly fries."
Hey guys, remember the 90's?
Jurassic Park, the Spice Girls, and Seinfeld?
"So, where do you want to eat?"
"Feels like an Arby's night!"
Well, Arby's apparently remembers the 90's, because they still feature a bunch of wraps
on their menu, and wraps haven't been in style since Bill Clinton was in office.
In truth, wraps were never even that great in the first place.
They were notoriously dry and totally unimaginative, and these are no exception.
They're also not as good for you as you think.
The roast turkey ranch and bacon wrap, for example, is a whopping 620 calories, half
of which come from fat.
So skip the wrap and order something from this century instead.
According to their web site,
"Nothing says 'I am an adventurous eater and interesting person' like eating a gyro at
Arby's."
This is only a slight exaggeration, because you do indeed have to be adventurous to try
something that so little resembles an actual gyro.
Gyros are usually made with sizzling hot lamb shavings from a vertical rotisserie.
Arby's, however, makes theirs with slices of roast beef or turkey, meats that aren't
even close to lamb in taste, texture, or substance in general.
As one writer for Spoon University put it,
"it would appear Arby's has given up trying to create a reasonable facsimile of the real
thing."
Arby's jalapeno bites are freakishly hot.
And by hot, we're not talking about spicy — we actually mean scorching.
Arby's website describes them as ...
"spicy jalapeno halves with melted cream cheese, battered and fried for a fiery treat"
… but what they fail to mention is the part where they burst open in your mouth and burn
the enamel right off your teeth.
It's a surprise every time — and not a good one.
"Eating Arby's, eating Arby's, eating Arby's, eating Arby's, BOOM!"
Cheese seems pretty simple.
You start with milk and go from there, right?
Well, not at Arby's!
The first ingredient in Arby's cheddar cheese sauce is water actually, followed by canola
oil, modified corn starch, and then — finally! — cheddar cheese.
And then a bunch of weird sounding additives that are probably fine, but aren't cheese.
Suffice it to say, this is not the most natural food in the world, or the most appetizing.
As one former Arby's employee wrote on Reddit,
"Cleaning out the cheese goop pump when closing was enough to prepare me for working with
human stool, sputum, and blood lab specimens without blinking years later."
Yikes.
"Arby's: The meal that's a dare for your colon."
We get it.
Arby's wants to be known for more than just the fast food restaurant that only serves
meat.
But there's a reason their giant cowboy hat sign says "Arby's Roast Beef Sandwich is Delicious"
instead of "Arby's Salad is Delicious."
Despite being on the menu since 1991, Arby's salads are sorely lacking.
The Chopped Side Salad, comprised of a handful of lettuce, diced tomato and a sad sprinkle
of cheese, is equally as dismal as the Crispy Chicken Farmhouse Salad.
If you want salad, there are great places that make salad.
At Arby's, well, listen to the giant hat and just eat the meat.
"Looks like meat's back on the menu, boys!"
The French dip sandwich is a fan favorite.
It's so tasty, it's enough to make anyone want to head to Arby's.
"Do you think you're at an Arby's right now?"
"You know what?
I wish I was at an Arby's, cause there's better food, and cooler people there."
Just one problem: there's way, way too much salt in these things.
How much?
Well, the American Heart Association recommends taking in 2,300 milligrams of sodium over
the course of an entire day.
The Half Pound French Dip?
It's got 3,400 just by itself!
Sure, nobody heads to Arby's expecting a super healthy meal.
But you have to draw the line somewhere — and the Half Pound French Dip is it.
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