YOU KNOW, UH...
YOU KNOW WHAT'S FUNNY, MAN...
THERE'S TWO THINGS THAT STARTED HAPPENING TO ME A LOT NOW
SINCE I STARTED THE SECOND SEASON.
ONE--LIKE, WHEN I WALK DOWN THE STREET,
PEOPLE ALWAYS SCREAM STUFF OUT.
LIKE, I'LL BE WITH MY KIDS,
AND PEOPLE ARE LIKE, "I'M RICK JAMES, BITCH."
AND ALL THAT STUFF.
THE OTHER THING THAT HAPPENS, WHICH I THINK IS THE WORST,
IS WHEN PEOPLE COME UP TO ME
AND TRY TO GIVE ME IDEAS FOR THE SHOW.
SEND THEM [BEEP] THROUGH THE PROPER CHANNELS, ALL RIGHT?
NOW, I'M NOT SAYING I'M NOT OPEN.
JUST PICK YOUR SPOTS.
AS A MATTER OF FACT, IF YOU KNEW WHAT WAS GOING THROUGH MY MIND
WHEN YOU PITCH ME THAT KIND OF STUFF,
YOU WOULDN'T EVEN TALK TO ME.
'CAUSE I'LL THINK ABOUT ANYTHING
BUT WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
FOR EXAMPLE...
[PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]
OH, I KNOW YOU DO. COME HERE, GIRL.
GIVE ME SOME. MM-MMM.
Man: EXCUSE ME, I HATE TO INTERRUPT,
BUT I JUST HAD TO SAY "HELLO."
HEY, MAN, HOW YOU DOIN'?
IS THIS A BAD TIME?
YOU KIND OF CAUGHT ME IN THE MIDDLE OF SOMETHING...
COOL. SO, I'M SURE YOU GET THIS ALL THE TIME,
BUT I HAVE THE PERFECT IDEA FOR YOU.
IT'S A MOVIE. IS IT COOL IF I SIT DOWN?
THIS'LL ONLY TAKE A MINUTE.
I'M FRANK FELMAN.
YOU KIND OF CAUGHT ME AND THE WIFE AT A BAD TIME--
IT'S A LOVE STORY.
YOU PLAY AN UNDERGROUND STREET POET NAMED COLT 45.
HE'S A REBEL WITH A BIG HEART.
HE'S A LONER BECAUSE HIS WIFE HAS BEEN KILLED
BY THE CHIEF FINANCIAL OFFICER...
[THINKING]:
ASHY LARRY.
HE'S A VOLUNTEER VETERINARIAN ON WEDNESDAYS...
I WONDER WHAT ARSENIO'S DOING RIGHT NOW?
[HARP GLISSANDO]
HE PROBABLY AT A WINE-AND-CHEESE PARTY.
DAMN, THIS SOME GOOD-ASS CHEESE!
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
THEY DON'T TELL HIM HOW GOOD THE CHEESE IS, HE'LL BE MAD.
HOW COME YOU DIDN'T TELL ME HOW GOOD THE CHEESE WAS?
[BEEP]!
SOME GOOD-ASS CHEESE, MAN.
I WAS--
BOB EUBANKS-LOOKIN' [BEEP]!
YOU SHOULD'VE TOLD ME HOW GOOD THE CHEESE WAS!
I WAS THINKING THE VILLAIN COULD BE PLAYED BY ROD STEWART.
MAN, I SHOULD'VE BEEN A RAPPER.
THAT LOOK LIKE FUN.
♪ UNH, HOW YOU GONNA RIP IT LIKE THIS, SON? ♪
♪ HOW YOU GONNA RIP IT LIKE THAT, SON? ♪
♪ I DON'T PLAY THAT BECAUSE IT'S ACTION... ♪
BUT I NEED A GIMMICK.
♪ 'CAUSE I'M BLACK, SON, THAT'S RIGHT ♪
♪ I'M THE BLACK SHEEP, THE REAL BLACK SHEEP ♪
♪ I'M THE BLACK SHEEP, THE REAL BLACK SHEEP, UNH! ♪
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
UNH!
[HARP GLISSANDO]
...WE HAVE THIS BIG SHOWDOWN
AT THE FOOT OF THE SPACE SHUTTLE.
♪ DOODLE IT, DOODLE IT, DOODLE IT, DOO ♪
[HARP GLISSANDO]
MY COMPANY IS WILLING TO OFFER YOU $12 MILLION.
$12 MILLION?
"FRANK," RIGHT?
YOU WANT SOMETHING TO DRINK?
W-WAITRESS, GET THIS [BEEP] SOMETHING TO DRINK.
LOOK, FRANK, I DON'T KNOW IF YOU KNOW THIS...
YOU KNOW THOSE SKITS ON
AND I'M THINKING MAYBE I CAN GIVE YOU SOME IDEAS
TO MAKE COLT A MORE INTERESTING CHARACTER.
I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR 'EM.
ALL RIGHT, WELL, INSTEAD OF CALLING HIM COLT 45,
FIRST OF ALL, WE GOTTA CHANGE THE NAME.
[THINKING]:
UNICORNS...
INSTEAD OF THE SPACE SHUTTLE,
YOU MAKE IT RIGHT ON THE STEPS OF THE LINCOLN MEMORIAL.
THAT'S GOOD.
[THINKING]:
[HARP GLISSANDO]
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
[HARP GLISSANDO]
[LAUGHING]
♪ DOODLE IT, DOODLE IT, DOODLE IT, DOO ♪
♪ DOODLE IT, DOODLE IT, DOODLE IT, DOO... ♪
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING AND CHEERING]