Hi, my name is Rebecca and in today's lesson we're going to learn a simple strategy that
you can use in order to communicate more effectively with others and in a more diplomatic way with
others in a personal context or in a professional context. The way that you can do this is by
avoiding the use of negative adjectives and replacing it or replacing them with positive
adjectives. So right now I understand that just sounds like a lot of grammar to you,
so let me give you some specific examples so you will understand how to use this technique
with others to communicate more effectively, to complain more effectively and to be more
diplomatic in your relationships with people in English, ok? So let's go to the board,
I've written an example of a personal situation where you might want to complain about something.
So let's say that you go to a restaurant, you went to a restaurant and you were not
at all happy, you were extremely dissatisfied with the situation and afterwards you're going
to talk to the manager about what happened. Now, it's true that you can use extreme words
to describe the situation, but usually in English in order to be more diplomatic we
start off by using milder words because if you use the extreme word right in the beginning
then what are you going to do after that or what are you going to say after that if you
want to really express more emotion, there's kind of nowhere left for you to go. So we
start off by explaining something in a bit of a mild way and then if somebody doesn't
accept our point of view or if an argument follows for some reason then we can always
fall back on slightly harsher words, but we try to avoid that whenever possible. So let's
see how to do that. So you went to the restaurant and the restaurant itself, the place was for
example dirty, but instead of saying the restaurant was dirty, you use a slightly milder adjective
and you say the place was not clean, the restaurant was not clean. You're using the word not very
strategically here to express the same idea in a milder way. Let's suppose that the waiters
were rude. So instead of saying your waiters were rude, you say your waiters were not polite.
OK? You see what I'm doing? Just using not and the opposite word, the positive adjective.
So the restaurant was not clean, the waiters were not polite. Let's look at another example.
Let's say the service was slow. So you could say the service was not efficient. Right?
Let's suppose that the food was cold. So we could say the food was not hot. Alright? So
you see in this situation by describing it with a positive adjective and not, you're
able to complain in a much more diplomatic way and it's possible that you will receive
a more positive response which hopefully is your intention when you're actually in a difficult
situation. Usually when we complain, it's not just because we are venting or expressing
our anger. Sometimes it is but not usually. There is usually something more that we want
perhaps in return as a result of our dissatisfaction. So in order to receive that, you want to be
sure to not scare the other person away or embarrass the other person too much. You'd
rather take a diplomatic approach so you can get what you want out of the situation. OK?
Alright. So we're going to come back in just a minute and then I'm going to show you an
example of a business context in which you can do the same thing. Alright? I'll be right
back. OK. So now let's take a business example of how we can be diplomatic using the word
not instead of a harsher, more negative adjective. OK? Just one second. OK. So let's say that
somebody offers to meet you at a certain time but you find that time inconvenient. So instead
of saying that time is inconvenient, you could say that time is not convenient. It sounds
a little bit milder. It sounds a little bit more approachable and more like you can solve
the problem when you put it that way. OK? Let's say somebody has an idea at a meeting
and you really think that idea is very stupid. But if you were to say that, of course, that
would create a lot of bad vibes between you and the other person. So instead of saying
your idea is stupid, you could say, "I don't think that idea is very smart because it may
lead to some problems." So you're expressing the same basic thought but in a more approachable
manner. OK? Let's suppose somebody puts forward a proposal at a meeting and you find you think
that that proposal is really quite useless. But if you were to say that again, it would
be difficult in terms of your relationships with others. So you might want to say, "I
find that proposal is not very useful. I think your proposal would not be very useful." OK?
See how we're changing it by using "not" plus a positive adjective. Alright? One last example.
Let's say someone's approach to a problem, to a situation, you think is very negative.
So instead of saying your approach is really negative, you could say, "What? Your approach
is not positive. I find that your approach is not very positive." OK? This way, you're
still being honest about what you feel and what you think. We're not asking you to lie
about what you think. You should express your thoughts and your opinions. But you want to
do it in a more diplomatic manner. OK? So I wish you a lot of luck with that. If you'd
like to review some of this or do a quiz, a free quiz on it, you could go to our website
at www.engvid.com. Thanks very much. We'll see you later. Bye.