- Welcome back to the show.
Because of the shutdown, hundreds of thousands
of government workers aren't being paid the money
they were counting on to feed their families
and buy their medicine, but there are some people who think
the shutdown is no big deal.
Some of the workers they call essential
probably aren't, and some of those nonessential workers
do important things.
But for the most part, it's day 27,
and most people don't notice.
You know, sometimes it feels like all
you need to be hired on Fox is a mustache and a bad take.
I sent Allanna down to Washington, DC,
to find out how essential nonessential workers are.
ALLANNA HARKIN (VOICEOVER): Federal workers
have been furloughed, or working without pay, for over a month.
To find out what important jobs are not getting done,
I flew to Washington, DC.
Yes, security lines were long.
On the upside, I was able to carry lots of items
I'd usually have to check, including my emotional support
bow and arrow.
Then, off to talk to furloughed workers I went,
prepared for a Washington, DC, paralyzed by the shutdown.
I've got toilet paper.
Yeah, you can poop anywhere.
Nothing matters anymore.
Take a big dump.
ALLANNA HARKIN (VOICEOVER): Many federal workers
are scared to speak out.
So how do we give them a voice without compromising
their careers?
The same way they get out-of-work celebrities
do it on my new favorite hallucination and TV
show, "The Masked Singer."
Scream.
That's right.
Get ready for "The Masked Federal Worker."
[GIGGLING] On "The Masked Federal
Worker," our studio is a random bar,
and the music is totally fake.
I love royalty-free music.
It's my favorite.
ALLANNA HARKIN (VOICEOVER): But the voices of the people you'll
hear are from interviews we conducted
with actual furloughed government workers,
with jobs vital to a functioning society.
I see that horn.
Uh-huh.
ALLANNA HARKIN (VOICEOVER): And while our contestants tell us
about tasks that are going undone,
I'll be getting close, closer, and closest as I try
to match the task to the mask.
Let's meet them.
In my agency, we sometimes fight fire with fire.
We deal with terrorist attacks.
We play a key role in making sure the toilets flush.
I'm not gonna answer that question.
Is the show over yet?
ALLANNA HARKIN (VOICEOVER): Nope,
not until I guess the agencies where these people work.
(SINGING) Working around the clock.
Wow.
Oh, my god.
Oh, whoa.
You look amazing.
You have a beat in your body, like you belong
in a regulatory agency, but you sound
like a cabinet department.
Now that I'm behind the mask, my agency
isn't important unless you drink water or breathe air.
Oh, those are really, really good hands.
Are you FDA?
IRS?
Treasury?
No?
Are you Lady Gaga?
[MUSIC PLAYING]
(SINGING) When she struts her stuff, walking into a room,
you can hear every heart go, crash, bang, zoom.
Tell us all about your agency.
My agency keeps you safe at national parks
and keeps national parks safe from you.
FCC?
No? I got it.
Magician.
You're a magician.
I am not a magician.
If I was, I would, you know, get the government to work again.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
(SINGING) Ooh, I like it like that.
Give me a hint of who you are by, like, just freaking me out.
I am concerned that preparation for hurricane
season is not being done, and will have an adverse effect
on the American public.
You did a really good job.
I asked you to do something for me, and you it.
This is the time that we have to prepare for fire season.
Fire season's right around the corner.
We're running out of time at this point,
and I can't stress how scary that is.
What keeps me up at night is knowing
that some of the oversight bodies of government who help
make sure that the government operates
safely and in accordance with the law--
those offices are largely in hibernation right now.
I thought this was gonna be fun.
Did you think it was gonna be fun?
Yeah.
I'm just terrified.
You know, we're supposed to be sort
of the watchdogs on making sure people have
clean water to drink.
And it worries me that people are calling our phone
and no one's answering.
We're gonna die.
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
Clearly the Democrats' priorities
are way out of whack here.
- Wait, ugh. - Way out of whack.
Hold on, sir.
Are you a federal employee?
[clears throat] Um, well--
Mitch McConnell, I know that's you.
Oh, you're not Mitch McConnell?
Oh no? You want this?
You want some of this?
Oh, you want some of this?
Well, yeah, go get it.
Yeah, go get it.
Go open government.
Oh, my gosh.
Oop, I wasn't expecting-- oh, my--
ALLANNA HARKIN (VOICEOVER): Turns out no one was Lady Gaga.
Instead, we had dedicated workers from the EPA,
FEMA, the National Park Service, the Bureau of Land Management,
and the Department of Homeland Security.
He spoke on the record as a representative
of the American Federation of Government Employees.
RYAN BAUGH (VOICEOVER): Federal workers love this country.
They love to serve this country.
The work they do is important, and we're treating
that resource wastefully.
OK, are you in a boy band?
RYAN BAUGH (VOICEOVER): No, that's ridiculous.
No, he's in something sexier than a boy band--
the government workforce that protects our food, skies,
streets, and environment.
Let's put them back to work.
OK, stop. No, no.
That's too close. OK, no, no, no.
No. Whoa.
Go to the graphic.
We'll be right back.
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]