What are five signs that your ex loves you but is scared?
That's what we're going to be talking about in this video.
But first, my name is Clay with modernlove.life, where we help you get the great loving relationship
that you're looking for without having to play mind games, without having to play hard
to get, and without having to pretend to be someone or something that you are not because
you deserve to be loved for the unique, amazing, and wonderful person that you are.
And if you agree with me, do me a favor by hitting that thumbs up button and, if you're
new here, think about subscribing to that channel while you're down there.
Okay.
So what are some signs that your ex loves you but is afraid of recommitting, getting
back together, things might go the way they did before, or anything else like that?
Okay.
First of all, your ex may ask about your love life, dating, about relationship kind of things
like that.
"Hey, are you dating Someone?"
"Oh hey, I noticed you talking to that person over there.
Are you into that person?
Are you dating them?"
Things like that.
Your ex may ask about things like this simultaneously while also keeping a little bit of an emotional
distance.
This is pretty common.
It shows that they're invested and interested in your love life, but they're also keeping
that distance because it's that fear, it's that concern, it's that worry about what things
might look like in the future that's holding them back.
So that's definitely something that's going on there.
Sign number two is that your ex takes an interest in your future even though they might be not
actively moving towards it, right?
They might take an interest in your future in terms of following up on certain things
that maybe you mentioned are happening in your life or with your career or in various
areas of your life, so on and so forth, but they might not necessarily be making moves
towards those sorts of things.
Definitely also something to keep an eye out there.
It shows that they are thinking about your future, it shows that they're thinking about
you in their future because we're all kind of self-interested and it shows that you are
occupying a space in their mind for the future and so they're wondering how your future is
going to look and how that might relate to their future.
Okay?
The third sign is that you may experience what we call positive pullbacks from your
ex and this happens when you have what we'd call a positive experience with them, things
are going well, both of you are opening up and being honest with one another, sharing,
connecting, all of that stuff.
And it seems like everything's going great but then what happens after that is either
your ex just goes dead silent or they pull back sharply by creating distance, by saying
things like, "Oh, we shouldn't have met up," things like that.
This can be really confusing for a lot of people but it makes sense if you understand
what's going on in your ex's mind.
Now you see, in order to justify breaking up with you, your ex had to create an image
of you that was worth breaking up with.
Now, maybe this is rightly deserved or maybe it's not rightly deserved, but your ex has
to think of you as somebody that's worth breaking up with.
Why is that?
It's because none of us want to intentionally think of ourselves as the kind of person who
would go out of their way to hurt someone, to break up with someone, or anything like
that.
If we actually did that, if we hurt somebody because we had the breakup conversation, we
talked to them, maybe there was tears involved, maybe there were a lot of hurt feelings involved,
we have to somehow justify our actions, we have to tell ourselves a story that it was
worth it to end that relationship or to break up.
And so your ex has to create an image of you or your relationship together that was worth
breaking up with or ending.
They have to think of you in that way.
So what often happens is they will delete, distort, or generalize certain aspects of
you or the relationship in order to downplay the positive and play up the negative.
And what this does is it allows them to really live with themselves to say, "You know, yeah,
I had no choice but to break up with this person or to end this relationship."
Very common.
And so what happens when we have a positive interaction is that negative image that your
ex holds in their mind comes into stark contrast with what they're actually seeing with their
own eyes.
This causes them to have a lot of doubt into their initial assessment of you, this causes
them to have a lot of doubts about, "Hey, was I wrong when I came to that conclusion
that it was worth breaking up with you?
Was I wrong?
Is my judgment just off?
Or is this you on your best behavior?
Is this you trying out some sort of gimmick that you learned online or from some weirdo
on YouTube or something like that?
What's going on?"
After they have this positive interaction with you, I mean they obviously like the interaction,
but they're pulling back because they're reassessing, they're trying to say, "Is this version the
real you or is this version the real you?
Which one is the right one?"
And so they're pulling back and trying to reassess what's going on.
And now the important thing here is, if your ex is going through a positive pullback, is
that you do not want to give them a single inch for that doubt to grow.
You do not want to allow that doubt to grow, you do not want to allow it to open up and
to give them more reason to say, "Okay, I was right and breaking up with you."
You want to continue to be on your best behavior and continue to demonstrate to them that you
are not the same person that they broke up with and if they got back together with you,
they are not walking back into the same relationship that they walked out of in the first place.
The fourth sign that your ex is in love with you but afraid is that they might just not
be able to make a move.
Sure, the two of you might be connecting well, the two of you might be bonding well, the
two of you might be coming closer together, but if they just aren't making a move to actually
bring the two of you towards possibly being in a relationship with one another, that's
a big sign that they are in love with you but afraid.
An example of this might be the two of you are connecting better, the two of you are
getting closer, but maybe they're in a rebound relationship with someone else and they're
not taking any active moves to end that rebound relationship or to actually create a realistic
opportunity or a realistic path for the two of you to be together.
They may acknowledge that they've seen some positive changes in how the two of you have
been connecting and things have been better between the two of you since the breakup and
all of that, but they're not making a move.
Why is this?
Well, it's because your ex is going to be taking a risk by getting back together with
you.
They're going to be taking a risk by reorganizing their life in some way and this can be kind
of scary for them because we're taking it from the place of like, "Okay, connecting
with my ex is this interesting, intellectual experience where I'm just going to meet up,
we're going to see if it's good, if it's not good, whatever."
It's very different going from that to like, "Okay, well let's actually break up with the
rebound, let's actually tell my friends and family that we are going to get back together,
that we're seeing each other.
It took me so much time and effort and energy and I was so anxious and nervous to finally
tell everyone that we broke up and now if I'm going to go back and say, 'Hey, we're
dating again,' it has to be the real deal.
It can't just be something.
Otherwise, I'm just going to look like that hot mess person that's always breaking up
and getting back together and breaking up and getting back together.
I need to know that this is the real thing."
And so your ex is going to be a little bit paralyzed to make this move.
And so what you want to do is you want to be able to leverage that emotional connection
through various techniques that we have to actually inspire your ex to take a step forward,
to get out of their comfort zone and to actually bring the two of you closer together.
The good news is that you're actually a lot closer towards getting back together than
maybe you realize, but you have to be able to actually bridge that gap and be able to
leverage the connection that you have.
You have to be willing to step out of your comfort zone in order to make this happen.
Okay, and the fifth sign...
By the way, before we get into the fifth sign, if you want to learn more about some signs
that your ex wants you back or doesn't want you back, you might want to check out this
video series up here on that very subject.
Okay.
Well, let's go ahead and get into the fifth sign and this is going to be that your ex
starts to give you excuses for why things won't work between the two of you.
Now again, the two of you are probably getting along pretty well.
This isn't just like, "Hey, we broke up yesterday."
You're begging and pleading and they're giving you excuses about why they don't want to get
back together with you.
This is after you had some time to connect with one another, after you've had some time
to bond with one another, after you've had some time to have some good positive interactions,
they will start giving you excuses potentially even out of nowhere.
It's one thing if you bring it up, but if they just are just hanging out with you and
they're like, "Hey, I just wanted to let you know, we'll never get back together."
If they start to tell you these sorts of things, that's a big sign that they still love you,
but they're afraid.
Again, they're worried about risking themselves, they're worried about risking their reputation.,
they're worried about risking how they look to other people, their friends, their families,
even to themselves, they're worried about thinking of themselves as that hot mess who's
breaking up and getting back together and breaking up and getting back together.
And so they want to kind of take things slow.
They're trying to rationalize with themselves why they shouldn't take that risk.
And again, this is just a sign that you need to kind of leverage that emotional connection
a little bit more and inspire them to actually want to get out of inaction, towards taking
action in getting back together.
Okay.
So those have been the five signs that your ex loves you, but is scared to commit, scared
to make a move, scared to actually move things in the right direction.
Once again, my name is clay.
If you've liked this video, do me a favor, hit that thumbs up button and subscribe the
channel if you're not already.
You may also want to check out this series that I put together on signs that your ex
wants you back or doesn't want you back.
It's pretty in-depth, we cover a lot of different things.
So check that out.
Or you may want to check out this video over here.
But either way, thank you for watching this video and I'll talk to you next time.
Please take care.