A bedroom at around 9pm. It’s quiet, save for the rustle of the leaves in the garden
outside. We’re side by side, each absorbed in a different world. One of us might be in
a submarine beneath the arctic ice floe, the other is flitting through the salons of 18th-century
Paris. Every so often our toes touch momentarily but without raising notice. We might briefly
stretch a hand to touch the nape of the partner’s neck before turning a page. We can hear our
partner very lightly breathing. There is – blessedly – no need to say anything at all. And so
it goes, for what might be an hour or more. It’s modest, comfortable and sweet. And
it is, of course, a pleasure that our society is almost congenitally prone not to notice
or respect. When we’re invited to picture what a relationship might be for, we imagine
typically colourful scenarios: passionate sex up against a wall, a celebration of a
triumph at work, heading for the airport for a mini-break, the mutual exploration of one
another’s souls. And yet when the true pleasures of long-term love are assessed, a rather different
set of images emerges, far less dramatic, but also far more real and in their own way
gratifying: the knowing sideways smile our partner gives us in the presence of a parent
who has been tricky in the past, watching a TV drama episode by episode and bantering
about the characters and plotlines, sitting on the floor sorting the socks after the wash,
the chat we have after the friends who came for lunch have departed, assembling a flat
pack bookcase and realising we’ve both got the instructions entirely wrong and that it’s
almost rather funny. © Caleb Drost/Flickr
It’s within such a list of hidden pleasures that we find the joy of reading in bed together.
It represents in its own way a major psychological skill. There’s not really anyone else we
could do this with. If the world were fairer, we would seek partners not just who can perform
spectacular sexual antics and look hot in a bar, but also those with whom we could one
day turn pages in silence. To read together is symbolic of being able to share our true
selves without shame, embarrassment or the need to perform. We are, as we lie in bed
together, as we so seldom are in the rest of life, simply accepted. Long-term relationships
are, inevitably, deeply complicated enterprises. Two ambitious, independent authentic people
cannot hope to join their lives together without a huge amount of friction and pain. We tend
to be so much aware of the troubles, we sometimes take the peaceable moments for granted, failing
to appreciate their underlying achievement. It may lack glamour, but being able to read
in bed together with someone is a major milestone; and a sign of deep affection. We may be doing
better than we think.
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