- Hello, Master Bruce.
_ Alfred, there's something wrong with the back computer.
Watch this. "Puter." Nothing. "Puter."
Do you see what I'm saying?
- There's nothing wrong with it, sir.
I've just taken away your computer privileges.
- The parental lock. You can't do that.
- Oh, I can. I've been reading
"Setting Limits for your out of control child."
- You know what? Doesn't matter, because I have
a double secret, super password
that unlocks the parental lock.
- You mean Alfred da Butler with two T's?
- Hahahahahaha
- Sir, it's time for you to stop this unhealthy behavior.
- No, it's not.
- You need to take responsibility for your life.
- Not right now. I don't.
- And it starts by raising your son.
- I'm sorry. I literally have no idea
what you're talking about.
- The young orphan you adopted at the gala. Remember?
(laughter)
- Wow, stairs. Weeeeee...
- He's been living here for the past week.
- Hello table.......... ugh.
- (Alfred) And I must say I've grown rather
fond of the young lad.
- Hello secret camera.
- (Alfred) You should get to know him.
You and he have a lot in common.
- Hello family photos.
- (Alfred) He lost his parents at a very young age.
- I've always wanted one of those.
- Doesn't he deserve a chance for someone
to take him under their wing,
as I took you under mine?
- Alfred, you've been watching way too many
Lifetime movies and drinking Chardonnay.
- It's Pinot Grigio, sir
- Whatever it is.
- Listen, you don't have a family.
You're satisfied serving me.
So what do you know about having a surrogate son?
Now I'm going to go fight crime
while you put that kid on the next jet
to the orphanage. Got it?
- (sigh) As you wish, sir.
(whistling)
Whoops-a-daisy.
. Wait, what are you doing?
- Dusting.
- You can't let him into the bat cave.
- I'm not. I'm letting him into your life, via the bat cave.
- Wheeeee......
Hah......
What? Awwwwwwwwwwwwww...
It's the bat cave!
Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh.
Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh!
Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh.
Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh!
Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh!
Oh my ayeeeeuh............
Oh! Hah. Batman! Whoa!
- You're darn right "Whoa".
- Wait. Does Batman live in Bruce Wayne's basement?
- No, Bruce Wayne lives in Batman's attic.
- We can have sleepovers every night.
- No we can't.
- Whoa, look it's the Bat sub!
- Wait, don't touch that!
- And over there, it's the Bat space-shuttle.
- Please, keep your hands off that.
- Look at the Bat zeppelin!
- Don't touch that either.
- It's the Bat train. - No.
It's the Bat kayak! - No.
It's the Bat dune buggy. - No.
It's the Bat.... shark repellent?
- Uh, actually, you can- you can touch that.
It's completely useless.
- Whoa, thanks Batman!
- Please. Stand over- over there and don't
touch, look at, or do anything for the remaining
moments you have in my presence.
- Okay, cool.
- Computer.
- (ding) Go ahead.
- How do I put the Joker in the Phantom Zone?
- (ding) The Joker can only be put in the Phantom Zone
using the Phantom Zone Projector.
Current location: Superman's Fortress of Solitude
inside The Atomic Cauldron.
However, only a person that isn't shredded, ripped
or extremely swole can enter the cauldron.
- Ugh. I'm way too buff
- (computer) You also have beautiful abs, sir.
- That's my cross to bear.
- (computer) Additionally, once inside the cauldron,
multiple Kryptonian defense systems engage,
including the Acid Moat, Ring of Napalm
and the Jaws of Death.
Chance of total mission failure is: 110%.
- Those are not great odds.
Wait a minute. Hey kid!
- Yes, sir?
- You're super nimble, right? - I sure am.
- And small? - Very.
- And quiet?
- (whispering) When I desire to be.
- And 110% expendable.
- I don't know what that means, but okay.
- Great. Follow me.
We are going to steal
the Phantom Zone Projector from Superman.
- Steal?
- Yeah. We have to right a wrong and sometimes
in order to right a wrong, you have to do a wrong right.
Gandhi said that.
- Are we sure Gandhi said that?
- I'm paraphrasing.
- Cool!
- (computer) Preparing Fortress of Solitude
infiltration gear.
- Wow! Look at all these.
Do I get a costume for the mission too?
- I got a feeling that you'll just look
like a kid on Halloween, don't you think?
Don't touch that.
- Woo-hoo!
- (computer) El-Mariachi? - I like that one.
- That one is culturally insensitive.
- Oh, that one. - No way.
- This one? - No.
- Okay. This one? - Nope.
- This one? - No.
- How's this? - Nope.
- Wheeee...Woo-hoo! How do you feel about this one?
- Dress up parties are for grown-ups only.
- Wait. What's that one there?
- Oh, that one was for the assignment called
the Jamaica Caper. The locals called me "Reggae Man".
- I love it!
Ah, it feels like I was poured into this.
My only trouble is these pants are just a little tight.
I don't know if I could throw a kick or jump in them.
I got an idea. RIP! It's better. Now I'm free.
Now I'm moving. Come on, Batman. Let's get grooving.