( APPLAUSE )
WELCOME BACK!
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY NEXT GUEST IS AN ACTOR AND A "NEW
YORK TIMES" BESTSELLING AUTHOR YOU KNOW FROM "THE OFFICE" AND
"THE MINDY PROJECT."
HE WROTE, DIRECTED, AND STARS IN THE NEW FILM "VENGEANCE."
>> SO, AS, LIKE, A PERSONAL BOUNDARY, LIKE, EVERYBODY'S
DIFFERENT.
SOME PEOPLE DON'T EAT CERTAIN FOODS.
YOU KNOW, EVERYBODY-- I DON'T AVENGE DEATHS.
IT'S JUST WHO I AM.
I-- YOU KNOW, I DON'T LIVE IN A LIAM NEESON MOVIE.
>> WHICH ONE AM I THINKING ABOUT?
WAS IT "TRAIN?
IT WAS JUST ON TV.
>> I DON'T KNOW.
>> "SCHINDLER'S LIST."
YOU LOOKED LIKE A LOT OF GUYS IN THOSE MOVIES.
>> THANKS.
>> THAT WAS MY LEAST-FAVORITE LIAM NEESON MOVIE.
HUGE DOWNER.
>> Stephen: PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," B.J.
NOVAK!
♪ ♪ ♪
>> THANK YOU.
HELLO.
>> Stephen: HI.
>> GREAT TO BE HERE.
>> Stephen: HI, B.J. NOVAK.
>> GREAT TO BE HERE.
>> Stephen: SO NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
I JUST DISCOVERED IT'S SIX YEARS SINCE YOU'VE BEEN HERE.
>> IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME.
>> Stephen: IT SURE HAS.
HOW YOU BEEN?
>> ARE WE GOING TO GET TO ANYTHING?
IS THIS JUST SMALL TALK.
>> Stephen: WE'RE PUSHING THE PRODUCT EVENTUALLY, BUT FIRST
THE AUDIENCE-- THEY HAVE TO GET TO KNOW YOU.
HOW ABOUT A KISS?
>> AND HOW ARE YOU?
ARE YOU GOOD?
>> Stephen: YOU DIDN'T ANSWER MY QUESTION.
HOW ARE YOU?
>> I'M DOING VERY WELL.
>> Stephen: YEAH, ME, TOO.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: WE'RE EVEN.
( LAUGHTER )
>> I'LL TELL YOU, THOUGH-- I'LL TELL YOU WHAT THIS REMIND ME OF.
I WAS ON THE SET OF "VENGEANCE," WHICH --
>> Stephen: YOUR FILM.
>> MY FILM.
>> Stephen: THAT OPENS TOMORROW.
IT OPENS TOMORROW, "VENGEANCE."
>> THIS IS SHONTLY A STORY THAT THIS REMINDS ME OF.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
>> I SHOW WE'RE FILMING DURING THE PANDEMIC.
IT'S MY FIRST TIME DIRECTING.
IT'S A STRESSFUL, EXCITING EXPERIENCE.
AND I GET TO THE SET AND THIS WOMAN COMES UP TO ME AND SHE
SAYS, "B.J., HOW ARE YOU FEELING?"
I SAD, MY GOD, I FEEL EXCITED.
I FEEL OVERWHELMED.
I FEEL A LOT OF THINGS RIGHT NOW."
AND SHE SAID, OKAY, NO SHORTNESS OF BREATH, FEVER, COUGH?"
THIS IS THE COVID TESTER THAT I'M, LIKE --
>> Stephen: YOU THOUGHT SOMEONE CARED ABOUT HOW YOU FELT
WHEN YOU WERE DIRECTING FOR THE FIRST TIME?
>> YEAH, DIRECTING--
YOU'RE CHECKING IN ON EVERYBODY ELSE.
SO THAT WAS THE CLOSEST CONNECTION I HAD FELT.
>> Stephen: THE FILM ALSO STARS ARCHTON KUTCHER, THE
PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO REMEMBERED "PUNKED "MIGHT REMEMBER YOU--
WAS THAT YOUR FIRST TV JOB.
>> FIRST JOB ON CAMERA.
>> Stephen: WAS IN "PUNKED."
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: AND HAD YOU WORKED TOGETHER SINCE THEN?
WAS THIS-- WAS THIS-- >> NO, NO, I HADN'T SEEN HIM IN
A LONG TIOE.
HE CHANGED MY LIFE WITH THAT SHOW.
I WAS DOING OPEN MICS AT THE TIME, AND I WAS A DO,Y,
KHAKIS-WEARING KID AND HE WAS THE COOLEST KID IN THE WORLD.
HE WORE A TRUCKER HAT.
AND EVERYBODY WORE A TRUCKER HAT.
HE WAS A TRENDSETTER, AND I WASN'T REALLY AT THAT MOMENT
GETTING ANYWHERE OR FEELING LOOK A COOL KID OR ANYTHING.
AND OUT OF THE BLUE I WOULD GET A CALL FROM A BURNER PHONE AND
IT'S ASHTON KUTCHER, AND HE WOULD SAY, "I NEED YOU TO BE AT
THE VAN NUYS 2K-678D M.V.
TOMORROW, AND KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT THE DRIVING CODE.
>> YSIR.
I WAS STUDYING UP.
>> Stephen: DID PEOPLE GET MAD AT YOU WHEN THEY GOT PUNKED.
>> TERMY MAD.
>> Stephen: THEY COULDN'T GET MAD AT HIM.
HE'S ASHTON KUTCHER.
>> I'M MEETING THEM FOR THE FIRST TYKE, IF MISSY ELLIOTT,
I'M MEETING USHER.
IT'S THE WORST DAY OF THEIR LIFE.
I GOT TO MEET USHER, BUT MY JOB WAS I WAS A STORE OWNER ON
MELROSE, AND HIS LITTLE BROTHER HAD BEEN BUSTED FOR
SHOPLIFTING-- HE WAS IN ON IT WITH US.
AND THE ONLY WAY I WOULD LET HIS BROTHER GO IS IF HE RECORDED A
RAP SINGLE FOR MY STORE, WHICH I RAPID FOR HIM.
AND HE WAS LIKE, "FIRST OF ALL, I'M NOT A RAPPER.
SECOND OF ALL, WHY DOES IT REFER TO ICE?"
AND I WAS LIKE, "WE WANTED VANILLA ICE."
AND IT WAS SO FUNNY.
SO THEN HE'S FURIOUS.
AND ASHTON COMES OUT, AND HE'S LIKE, "BRO!"
LIKE IT'S A HUGE HUG.
AND I'M LIKE... AND HE'S LIKE, NO, NO, NO.
LIKE, YOUR FIRST IMPRESSION OF SOMEONE STICKS, YOU KNOW.
SO I HAVE NOT RUN INTO USHER SINCE.
I DON'T THINK HE'LL-- I DON'T THINK HE'LL BE IN MY NEXT MOVIE.
>> Stephen: NOW YOU'RE A BIG-TIME DIRECTOR.
TELL US ABOUT "VENGEANCE."
WHAT'S THE STORY?
>> "VENGEANCE," I PLAY A SOMEWHAT SHALLOW NEW YORKER WHO
IS DRAWN INTO A-- THROUGH AN AWKWARD SITUATION HE ENDS UP AT
THE FUNERAL OF A GIRL HE DIDN'T KNOW AS WELL AS HIS FAMILY
THOUGHT.
A MORE CASUAL PERSON IN HIS MIND.
AS YOU SAW IN THE CLINGER THE FAMILY THINKS NOT ONLY WEE THEY
SERIOUS, BUT IT'S UP TO HIM TO AVENGE THE DEATH.
AND HE IN HIS SHALLOW, AMBITIOUS MIND THINKS, "WELL, THIS SOUND
LIKE A PRETTY GOOD PODCAST," AND GET ROPED IN MUCH DEEPER.
>> Stephen: A TRUE-CRIME PODCAST AND HE'S IN IT.
>> IT HAS THAT MURDER-MYSTERY THRILLER EDGE BUT IT'S THE
COMEDY D.N.A.
>> Stephen: I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I WANT TO ASK YOU ABOUT.
>> OKAY.
>> Stephen: IS THAT WE DID A THING ON THE SHOW A LITTLE WHILE
BACK, BASED ON A TRUE STORY.
IT TURNS OUT YOUR FACE GOT UPLOADED TO SOME--
>> SOME PUBLIC IMAGE -- >> Stephen: SOME PUBLIC IMAGE
SITE.
THIS IS A TRUE STORY AND THIS JUST GIVES ME SO MUCH JOY.
>> I'M GLAD YOU'RE AMUSED.
>> Stephen: MY FACE WAS USED TO SELL SUITS IN IRAN AT ONE
POINT.
>> GREAT.
>> Stephen: THIS IS YOUR FACE, BEING USED AROUND THE WORLD.
THIS IS YOUR FACE BEING USED TO SELL ELECTRIC RAZORS IN CHINA.
HERE IS ONE, I LOVE, YOUR FACE-- FACE PAINT IN URUGUAY.
FOR SOME REASON THEY USE-- YOU LOOK YOUR GUIN TO THESE PEOPLE.
>> I GUESS, YEAH.
>> Stephen: THIS IS ONE OF MY FAVES.
THIS IS B.J. NOVAK SELLING A KNEE-LENGTH PONCHO IN EUROPE.
HOW DOES IT FEEL?
( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: HOW DOES IT FEEL WHEN YOU SEE THIS?
>> SURPRISING.
>> Stephen: YES.
>> IT FEELS SURPRISING.
>> Stephen: HAVE YOU DONE A CEASE AND DESIST OR ANYTHING?
>> NO, BECAUSE I'M CLEARLY JUST A FACE TO THEM.
THEY DON'T CARE WHO I AM USING.
FIDID CEASE DESIST, THEY WOULD USE YOU.
THEY WOULD USE ANYBODY.
I KIND OF LIKE IT.
>> Stephen: DO YOU HAVE THESE.
>> I DON'T HAVE ALL OF THESE.
BUT I BROUGHT YOU SOMETHING.
I SENT-- SOMEONE IN A SWEDISH MALL SENT ME A MESSAGE ON
TWITTER AND SHOWED ME A RACK OF DISCOUNT COLOGNES WITH MY FACE
ON IT L.O.L.
AND I SAID, "ACTUALLY, THIS IS ME.
COULD YOU BUY SOME FOR ME.
I'LL GET YOU A CHECK."
AND SHE DID.
AND I BROUGHT YOU SOME COLOGNE.
>> Stephen: THIS IS AN ACTUAL PRODUCT PURCHASED IN SWEDEN.
>> YES, SIR.
>> Stephen: IT'S CALLED "ENCOUNTER."
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
>> WOULD YOU LIKE TO TRY IT.
>> Stephen: MAY WE.
>> YES, PLEASE.
>> Stephen: LET'S DO IT.
LET'S DO IT.
PLEASE, IT'S YOUR SMELL.
>> OH, THAT-- I DON'T KNOW HOW TO USE THAT.
>> Stephen: JUST RIGHT THERE.
GO AHEAD.
MMM.
>> THIS IS WORST-SMELLING THING I'VE EVER--
( LAUGHTER ).
>> Stephen: IT SMELLS LIKE TALCOLM POWDER ON A BRAND-NEW
SOCCER BALL.
>> IT'S TERRIBLE.
>> Stephen: I KNOW WHAT I'M GIVING THE STAFF FOR CHRISTMAS.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: THAT IS FANTASTIC.
B.J. NOVAK, WHAT A DELIGHT TO HAVE YOU AND TO SMELL YOU.
>> LIKEWISE.
I LOVE BEING HERE.
THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME BACK.
AND IT'S GREAT TO MEET YOUR TRULY--
>> VERY NICE TO MEET YOU.
>> Stephen: "VENGEANCE" IS IN THEATERS TOMORROW.
B.J. NOVAK, EVERYBODY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )