whether it's Ripley being dangerously
distracted by her new cable package or
Yoda losing a force battle with some
Rando in a diner over a diet pepsi sadly
it's becoming more and more common to
see our favorite characters sell their
souls for a little cheddar speaking of
which have you guys signed up for blue
apron yet actually it's pretty awesome
however no one is worse than the king of
monsters
seriously Godzilla has to be one of the
biggest corporate there are I'm
Jocelyn theatre and I do all the
research nobody else wants to straight
from the yes oh battle Godzilla king of
onsters and apparently also the king of
shameless commercial appearances this
giant lizard has been in so many ads I
don't even have time to show them all
here's a few of my favorites that I've
been dying to make fun of first starters
did you know that the bold 23 flavors of
Dr Pepper is seemingly the only drink
capable of quenching the thirst of such
a giant monster
first off is drinking the
doctor's tonic water from an advertising
display there's no way it's still busy
there's no way secondly if dr. peps is
quelling Godzilla thirst and rage why
are the people still drinking it DP has
officially become Godzilla Republic we
need to be stockpiling this in a
second ad for this stupid-ass campaign
he finds love with a kaiju wearing a bow
and horses diet DP'd down her throat
with a straw of course it has to be diet
for the lady and drunk with a straw so
she doesn't mess up her perfect lipstick
enough about educated beverages let's
talk
y'all might remember from a desk of
years ago that Nike had an ad that
featured Charles Barkley Dunkin all over
a glasses clad Godzilla which honestly
just makes me mad there's no ref
Godzilla tosses a junk ball with his own
tail and Barkley clearly fouls him by
charging him into a building cut it with
the niceties Godzilla and just blast
Barkley in the face with some atomic
breath boom game over
then again I'm sure the Nikes would
create some sort of magical barrier to
protect him now that our monstrous buddy
has shoes and a drink it's time for him
to grab some snacks wengie man get
hangry there's only one thing that can
tame the Beast which of course is a
Snickers this whole ad has Godzilla
prowling around with a bunch of frat
bros partying and playing ping-pong and
waterskiing he's a nice guy
so long as you're willing to pay his
nougat lace to ransom so let's make sure
we stockpile some Snickers to go without
DP next up on our plate of monetized
munchies are Doritos who despite their
current struggles to make lady Doritos
once made a chip so spicy that Godzilla
himself couldn't handle it this this
mother ever breathes atomic flame and
you're telling me that this one chip
made Godzilla run straight back to the
ocean to try and cool off his mouth plus
the ocean isn't going to work you giant
idiot lizard it's got to be dr. pepper
huh and while we're on the topic of
Doritos let me make something clear I
don't care if you make baby Doritos what
I do care about is bringing back those
dope ass 3d Doritos good Godzilla those
were good maybe I still have some around
here and even
that's just a dead rat good oka these
American advertisements were pretty
weird but they've got nothing on Japan
these hometown ads with big G are on a
whole nother level for example in one
single commercial we see Godzilla ride
the subway while reading the paper go
grocery shopping and sing karaoke with a
family in their living room what there
might be a language barrier here but why
use Godzilla to sell a home karaoke
machine why is the idea that everyone
even Godzilla would love this karaoke
machine Deen can't do anything but make
that stupid bird noise I guess he could
do a pretty good rendition of Nickelback
yeah I mean you can only improve on that
[Music]
you're probably thinking we've hit the
pinnacle of strange Godzilla product
endorsement I mean who could possibly
beat Japan when it comes to weirdness
well in a surprise twist
it's the Dutch of all people in this
wacky tale Godzilla is doing his usual
thing devastating a city and needlessly
tearing apart signage all is well and
good until he sees a pretty young thing
in a red dress he takes a page from King
Kong's book and picks her up for this
next part hold on to your books godzilla
picks up this chick freaks out when he
realizes she's a man in drag who is
totally into this by the way and then
drops her to her inevitable dead death I
said death inevitable death now what in
the hell could this possibly be selling
you ass what product could possibly tie
into cross-dressing murder
the answer is licorice as far as
shameless advertising ties in that's
about as much as I can take for today Oh
fun fact Kim jong-il kidnapped a
well-respected director and forced him
to make North Korea's own version of
Godzilla bulgasari
which looks like the love child of
Godzilla and Tim Curry's Satan from
legend