- People feel what you feel about you.
So when you let go of the insecurities
of any type of neediness and certain type of labels
and beliefs about yourself, you will find
that you naturally start to become more magnetic.
You naturally start to become more attractive.
You naturally start to become more confident.
And that's exactly what I'm gonna share with you
how to do in this video.
The number one thing to let go of
in this process is neediness.
The energy of neediness is an energy that says,
if I need something, therefore I energetically lack it.
And when people are in a needy type energy,
it is an energy that is emphasizing a part of ourselves
that we haven't really maybe attuned to
or healed like our inner child.
And therefore we're looking for what we didn't receive
when we were younger on the outside.
So if you ever noticed this,
that the more you want someone to do something,
the more you want someone's validation,
the more you want someone's approval
the less likely they are to actually give it to you.
And maybe you've found that before,
if you wanted someone's validation or text message
or whatever it is, it's almost like the more you want,
the more you energetically push away.
Now, the reason being is remember,
people can feel what you feel about you.
So if on the inside you're feeling that lack,
you're feeling that not enoughness.
Then what is happening is they are feeling that off of you.
And they're literally responding to you in that way.
So the key to this and the key to transforming this
is letting go of the neediness.
And the way you let go of the neediness is you become aware
of the validation that you may want on the outside.
And you start to validate the self.
You start to validate your own emotions.
You start to validate your own sense of approval.
And one way you do that
is just by simply becoming aware of these things.
Awareness is 90% of all transformation.
I became aware within myself of the validation I was seeking
on the outside, and this was happening via YouTube channel,
me trying to create more people to look at my content.
And I could tell that on the inside, it was hard to look at
but there was an aspect of myself
that felt like a lot of people didn't believe in me
when I started on YouTube.
A lot of people even growing up
like I didn't really get the approval
of maybe my dad or different people in my family.
So my mentality's, I'm gonna prove people wrong
and I'm gonna do it.
And then I would start to do it.
I would start to get this sense of validation.
I want more and more of it,
but it was coming from a needy energy.
And once I started to let go
of carrying what people thought started to let go
of people's other people's approval.
And I started to give myself approval,
and I started to really settle
into my own body in that way, everything began to change.
So letting go of neediness is letting go
of the desire we have for outside approval.
Knowing we can only really validate from within.
We can only really have that approval from within.
So a lot of what you're gonna hear
in these letting go processes that I share today
that I think will completely change your life
is it has to do with something called reframing.
It means reframing meaning, reframing the meaning.
Maybe you gave it the meaning that someone else's approval
or validation with something that you enjoy
or something that's good for you.
And you realize that actually, I'm gonna internalize this.
And it's more about how I approve of myself.
So you're reframing what it means to get approval
and remember, everything in our reality
has zero built in meaning
other than the meaning we give it.
And when we are attached to different things
it is because we are attached to the meaning.
We are attached to what it means to us.
If we're attached to approval and validation
it's because we believe that means
that if we have that, we can be happy.
We could be safe because maybe we didn't get it growing up.
So the second thing to let go of in this process
of becoming more confident
is letting go of your insecurities.
And the thing is is remember,
people feel what we feel about us.
So if we feel insecure about a freckle,
an eye color, a height, you feel insecure about anything.
The thing that makes it unattractive is the energy
on the inside, which isn't accepting
of what you feel about you.
So one of the most incredible things I've seen people do
is literally reframe their own insecurities,
reframe it, give it a new meaning.
Don't buy in to the idea that it is a fault.
One of the things that'll make that
and completely transform it
is if you feature your flaws, what you think of as flaws,
feature it, maybe it's what makes you different.
There are things I've been insecure of
in my own life that I would think is a fault
but then the more that I would own it,
the more other people would own it,
like the more people would just feel and not care about it
or even see it as a strength.
So like for example, I have a very loud voice.
I've been told this,
we had a retreat recently and my voice was so loud,
it was carrying into different spaces
that it shouldn't have carried it.
I was like asked to be quiet, and I'm one
of the ones running the retreat.
It's something that I used to think, oh, I'm just so loud.
I have such a loud voice.
Now there is time and place
where I learn how to like out of respect
kind of gauge it, but I'm not insecure about it anymore.
I've realized that my purpose in life is speaking,
and I'm learning how to do that in a way
but I don't feel self-conscious about it.
You see, that's the difference.
And there are many people that, like,
I've just shared this before
but there's this guy I used to work with
and he would, he just had this very
like his energy was just so confident.
And he was just so happy and always playful.
And he was always like dating people
that most people would assume are out of this guy's league.
But it was his standard because he just felt
so comfortable and confident about himself.
And remember, especially women, that's what women feel.
They're so intuitive.
And in general, the thing that I recommend you do
is you can own whatever you think your flaw is.
Some people, there's been actresses before
that had like a certain type of nose structure.
And instead of owning it, they get it fixed, fixed
'cause it was apparently broken from their perspective
or someone else's perspective or society's perspective.
They get it fixed.
And there's stories of this.
Some of you may know who this is.
I don't remember her name.
But anytime I mention this, people know,
after this one woman got a nose job
she then couldn't get any work because she looked
like every other model, her nose is what made her different.
So realize that if you own and you become comfortable
with your own insecurities, by reframing it,
and by knowing that makes you different in a positive way,
you will then feel differently about it.
You will then accept it.
And other people will then feel that off of you.
And that will change how they feel.
So confidence is something that you build from within.
Literally the word confidence means trust,
the root of it, trust.
And if you could start trusting in yourself more,
that will be more attractive.
If you could start trusting in the universe more
that will be more attractive.
So realize that this is process of inner acceptance.
That's what confidence is
and what you are letting go of is letting go
of these different aspects.
Now the third thing.
So you're letting go of the old insecurities.
You're letting go of the neediness
that you might have by knowing
that these are things that you can give to yourself
sense of validation you give with yourself.
Now, the third thing that you wanna let go of
is the labels, the beliefs
and the definitions that are keeping you
feeling not confident, the beliefs,
the labels, the definitions.
You may have a belief that says,
you know that I'm not worthy.
You might have beliefs and labels where you identify
with being an introvert, being shy, being awkward.
Sometimes we have experiences in the past.
Remember, meaning, things that have happened
and maybe somebody even told you,
there's something wrong with you.
I know growing up, I had ADHD and I had a lot of energy.
And then I started meditating.
That completely changed my life.
However people would literally say to me,
Aaron, what's wrong with you?
Why do you have so much energy?
What's wrong with you?
And then I would think to myself
I don't know, what is wrong with me?
Why am I like this?
And though it was shame.
Shame is a belief that says I'm broken.
There's something wrong with me.
I've had to let go of that whole belief with ADHD.
And I started reframing it for myself, started saying
that I just have a lot of energy, to ground myself in grass.
And that was like something I did, but the beliefs,
the labels and the definitions we have
that we are attached to,
because of past meaning will keep us feeling blocked.
Keep us feeling not confident.
So if you have labels, what is one label
you might have that you may be attached to?
What is one definition about reality you might have
and be attached to?
When you become aware of these beliefs and these stories
and you begin to let them go, everything changes.
And remember, letting go is extraordinarily easy.
It is just a choice.
Letting go is literally becoming aware of something
and then making the choice to let it go from awareness.
That's it, we think letting go is hard
because we make it this complex idea in our head.
When the thoughts come up and you become aware of them
you make the choice to let it go.
What's sometimes challenging
for people is making the choice to let something go.
Because maybe identifying as an introvert
has served you in certain ways,
identifying as having ADHD or whatever it is,
has served you because it's justified your past.
It's given meaning to things, but if you can let it go
by you letting go of the payoff, the payoff you might get
for that's being right, whatever the payoff is.
Payoff's this thing that we do
because there's some inherent payoff we get,
even if it's not positive, to the reason we keep doing it.
And when you let that go, what you notice
is that everything else in your life begins to shift.
So let go of those labels,
those definitions that are keeping you
in that kind of mentality.
Now, the next thing you wanna let go of
is you wanna let go of the attachment
you might have to pleasing other people
because when it comes to confidence,
somebody that is confident is able to easily set boundaries
or maybe it's not easy at first,
but eventually it does become easy.
You'll notice that magnetic people
and people that are attractive,
that you consider to be attractive.
They have boundaries,
and boundaries mean there are things that are okay
and there are things that are not okay.
There are lines that should not be crossed.
And people that have trouble setting boundaries
have a desire to please other people.
Normally this stems also from child childhood
because in childhood, in order to survive,
people had to please and like literally to survive.
People had to make other people feel good
or feel comfortable or parent pleasing another one of them.
So there's this pattern in place.
And then it stays in place
because it's meaning that we're attached to.
So what pleasing other people does
is it lowers your sense of self worth.
It lowers your sense of self-validation.
And for a long time in my life, I was a people pleaser
somebody that had to please everybody else,
I didn't want people to feel tension.
So I would like bend myself like a pretzel
in order to make that not happen.
And the key to this was realizing,
this gives a whole nother deep process,
but when it comes to this, normally what happens
with people pleasing is we have a abandoned ourselves
to make other people feel comfortable and happy.
So what that is is we're afraid of rejection.
We don't want other people to reject us.
So what we do is we do this crazy pretzel thing
where we bend in many different directions
so that other people can feel pleased.
And in the process we abandon ourselves, so it's funny.
We are fear abandonment from other people.
So then we abandon ourselves.
Now the key is coming back to self,
coming back to ask yourself, what do I want?
Who am I really, living by stronger values,
stronger sense of integrity.
I remember when I started setting boundaries
like a year and a half, two years ago
and I started shifting this and it felt so empowering.
I could say no to doing things I didn't wanna do.
If someone's, if it was a friend's birthday or something
and it would've been really abandoning myself
in order to do something, I then had the option to say no
if that meant sacrificing my own self,
which was never an option before.
So with this, realize boundaries are attractive,
boundaries will increase your sense of confidence.
Because when you say no to something,
you say yes to something else.
When you say no to people pleasing,
you will be saying yes to yourself.
So remember that.
And when you say yes to yourself
you then feel empowered inside of your own body.
And guess what?
You have more confidence and you have more magnetic energy.
Now the fifth one is that of the attachment to outcome.
Many of us have an attachment to outcome.
We want things to happen in a certain way.
Now, remember there's control in our lives
as something that we have created based
on a survival mechanism.
Normally once again from childhood,
these things all stem down from childhood.
And what happens is inside of this little box of control,
of feeling certainty about our reality.
What we end up doing is thinking
that we need to stay inside this like little control box
in order to get everything to feel good.
But remember, control is resistance.
I know for me, I had control in my life
from seven to 15 years old with my ex stepmom.
I wasn't like, other than going to school.
Wasn't allowed to have friends.
Wasn't allowed to watch TV, had to like sneak
into the other side of the house to get enough food to eat.
And then 15 years old, my dad divorces her.
I have all this freedom,
but I felt so comfortable with that little box
of certainty of what I was and wasn't allowed to do,
it's called the Stockholm syndrome,
that I ended up either attracting people
into my life that were the same person
as my ex stepmom, same personality structure
because I felt safe for a woman to try to control me.
Or what I did is I imposed it on myself,
I have this diet that I can eat.
I make all these crazy rules for me
because part of me felt safe with control.
It's a familiar pattern, but once I started
to accept the unknown, magic started to happen.
Remember, all magic happens in the unknown.
All magic happens in the unknown.
You only create more of what you've think,
felt and acted as, you get the same as that,
the familiar patterns of that.
But when you do something new,
you step into a whole new version of yourself.
So this is about that awareness.
And remember as well,
this is something that Alan Watts calls
The Backwards Law, I've been sharing it recently.
When it comes to control, the more you try to control,
the more out of control you will feel.
The more you accept uncertainty and you try new things,
the more in control you will actually feel.
So the more you accept the unknown,
the more in control you will feel.
The more you try to control,
the more you resistance you will feel.
So the key to this is letting go of control.
There's one main thing you can never control in your life.
There's many things.
One of them is relationships.
You cannot control relationships.
Relationships are something that is organic.
Something that happens.
It's something you flow with, but it's not
something you can control every aspect and think about it,
if you go on a date with someone you're like,
I really hope they do this and I hope they do that.
They're gonna feel that resistant energy on you.
But if you're just letting go and trusting reality,
you'll realize there's much more magnetic energy there.
And you'll realize that you then become
more magnetic than ever.
Now, one of the things that will change your energy
more than anything is healing your inner child
letting go of the insecurities,
in the doubts and all these things we're talking about.
So if you haven't downloaded one of the most
powerful meditations I've ever made,
it's the inner child meditation.
You could do that by clicking the link below
or going to aarondoughty.com/child.
And you can download that and listen to it for 21 days,
watch what happens.
And then also there's a video that I have
on having more confidence and the five secrets
to having more confidence that will help you wire in
all these ideas we're talking about right now,
it's a little bit longer of an episode.
It's about 30 minutes, but it will help you
completely transform life.
You can watch it right here.
People feel what you feel about you.
The energy inside of our bodies are contagious
and based on how we feel about our selves,
that energy is being.