Hello everyone, I hope you're all doing just great Now the reason I made this video is
because I was reading your comments and a lot of people tell me that you know..they're
being really good to people, they're helping everyone, they're being really nice..However..People
don't appreciate you, people don't respect you and you always end up being taken advantage
of even though you are so good to people, even though you are so nice, Now let me tell
you there is nothing wrong with being nice. However, I have learned two things-there are
two categories of people, the first category of people are those who are nice but because
of being nice they are respected and appreciated. The second category of people, well..they
are nice but they tend to be used and used and abused. Are you one of those people? Or
are you those people who belong to the first category Well for many years I was not so
appreciated I was not so valued My problem was That I was being tooo nice Do you have
a similar problem? Well, if you do, I'm going to teach you how to get your life back To
show you what being nice really means so stay tuned for yet another very interesting lesson
to know if you really are a nice person or maybe you are making the mistake of being
too nice So I have made a checklist of certain things that you need to be aware of to make
sure that you are not a very nice person but you belong to the first category of people,
those people who are respected and valued.
Alright, remember one thing, if you don't respect yourself, no one will ever respect
you. Now you're probably thinking why would someone not respect themselves? We all love
ourselves, right? what if I say some of you are not even aware of your behavior? You are
not aware of your behavior that shows that you don't respect yourself. For example: lets
say tomorrow you have to attend an interview and because you have to attend the interview
you need to get some shopping done. You have to wear new clothes after all , right? But
this friend of yours calls you and tells you that "why don't you come home and hang out
with me?" Now because you're too nice you cannot end up saying no to your friend even
though you have something important to do for yourself Let me tell you, you have the
right to say NO without feeling bad or guilty You have to take care of yourself first If
you don't take care of yourself how can you take care of other people? If you don't set
boundaries for yourself you are someone who does not respect you own self. So you need
to set boundaries. That will make people respect you. So always respect yourself in order to
get respect from everyone else
Now I believe that if you want to change, you've got to change yourself right here first...Yes..Now
people who are too nice have a wrong mindset they have wrong thinking They are the victims
of what I call as negative thinking So here's some negative thinking that you might indulge
in if you are someone who wants to be too nice..Okay thought number 1 that you might
end up thinking is .."I'm being selfish if I'm not helping people every time" Wrong thought
Thought number 2 You may think to yourself "I feel guilty that I didn't do enough" Thought
number 3 "They won't like me if I say NO" Thought number 4 "You may think something
bad may happen to me if i don't help people" Well if you happen to have these wrong thoughts,
STOP!! Remember, you're NOT chocolate, you can't make everyone happy all the time! So
when you have these negative thoughts that I just talked about.. what are you going to
do? Yes, you are going to talk right back to these thoughts! Tell yourself-I need to
take care of myself first because only then I can help other people and tell yourself
that I need to say a NO if I am uncomfortable, Change your mindset , do not have negative
thoughts take over!
Did you notice that sometimes people just expect you to do things for them? After all,
you've been doing so much for so many people for such a long time ..that they feel that
they can just call you and tell you to take their car for a wash, run a certain errand
for them..meet them at someplace out of the blue, I mean don't you have a life? I mean
have these people even considered that you have your own plans for the day, your own
agenda? Well, if you have people like that in your life, I think you need to know that
you are being taken for granted. If you practice self respect like we just talked about, people's
behavior toward you will change. They will really be careful, they will become very mindful
of asking favors because they know that a self respecting person can never ever be taken
for granted So watch out for people's behavior! Make sure no one can take you for a ride.
Now I know that learning to say NO that's easier said than done Honestly, I still have
a problem with saying a firm Now saying NO makes you take control of your life To say
a simple NO there are three things you must remember, Number 1 Be honest about what you
are saying NO to. So if you cannot come to a party be honest about why you cannot do
it Just be honest about it, don't worry Number 2 Don't over explain when you..when you feel
guilty or awkward, you tend to over explain You tell people how you tried to do your best
how you'll do something better next time blah blah blah..You don't have to do that .A simple
explanation is enough. Don't over do it! Do not over explain Okay? Now the third aspect
of saying no is saying it kindly and in a friendly way because we want to be nice but
we don't want to be too nice okay? So Be kind and be friendly when you say a firm NO.
Now please do not burden yourself with the feelings of others. Of course, some one or
some people may feel bad or a little put off when you've said a NO to them But if you have
practiced saying NO using the three tips I've just talked to you about , you've done the
right thing You need to be proud of yourself for doing the right thing So don't link anyone
else's feelings with your feelings. If you've turned down a friend who wants you to help
them at 2oclock in the night in the middle of the night? well, you don't have to do that
if you are down with fever because you can tell them that you're unwell. Dont feel bad
if they feel bad okay? Dont feel bad if they are hurt that you cannot bail them out in
the middle of a problem, If they feel bad, well, let them feel bad. Its not your problem!
Now there are people who help you, encourage you and there are some who just drain you
out of everything-your time, your money, your energy your efforts, even your emotions! As
we discussed, if you learn to respect yourself, and watch your negative thoughts and if you
make sure that you take responsibility for your own feelings and not other people's feelings,
you will start to loose relationships! And some friendships. But I'll tell you what?
Let them go! Let them leave! You don't need such people in your life anyway! Therefore,
if you are going to stop being too nice, well the sad thing is that you will have to cut
unnecessary relationships. And that -let me tell you, is the best thing that could ever
ever happen to you ..EVER!
Well! Thank you for watching! I'd really like to hear back from all of you! So please tell
me what you have learned and how these tips, these really important tips, how have they
helped you become a better person Because I am confident it will! I will be back with
some more lessons! But before I go, please don't forget to like the video, subscribe
to our channel and do not forget to press or click on the bell icon to get regular updates
of videos just as interesting as this one! I'll see you with some more lessons, until
then this is me saying Take care and have a great day