>> This episode of the Modern Rouge
brought to you by Roman.
>> Go to getroman.com/modernrogue
and get a month of hair-loss treatment,
for free!
>> Yeah, treat that hair.
Right, treat it right!
Oooooh! >> Treat it right!
You could look like that.
>> Yeah! Look at that!
>> I mean, if you wanted to.
>> I'm majestic!
>> If you don't, I get it, but you could.
>> The majestic mane, that's my game.
>> That's his game.
♪ [deep, ominous droning]
♪ [bombastic brass swell]
♪ [deep, ominous droning]
[deep synthetic rumble]
[electrical pop] [gentle vinyl static]
[rising chime]
>> So we're back to survivalist stuff.
We're going to drink some nasty, scummy pond water?
>> Yeah, we are going to make a DIY
water filtration system.
I've also seen this referred to as a
"hill-billy filtration system."
It's actually super simple.
>> Okay, well I guess we get started by
finding the grossest, stagnant water we can find.
>> I think I know of a place to get that.
>> Luckily we pre-prepared a pond.
[laughing]
>> Yeah! To the breeding pit!
[laughing]
>> BRIAN: On a quest
for the nastiest standing water on property!
This one, I'm afraid,
might invisibly be like super dangerous.
It may not look super dangerous to us,
but if we do this wrong, then...
>> JASON: Like...
>> BRIAN: [stammering] Like people swallow amoebas
and they eat their brains, and stuff.
>> Oh, that happened not far from here recently.
>> Oh, don't tell me that.
>> I'm sorry.
>> No, that's--okay.
>> You getting in? >> Oh my god!
Look at those [bleep] worm things there.
>> There's a lot of worms in there!
>> Jesus [beep] christ!
>> Ugh! Did you see the worms?
There's so many worms!
Are you getting in there?
>> I mean look man, we got to do this for science, right?
>> We don't have to.
[laughing]
I think science will be okay without us.
>> I got to scoop those worms in here.
>> You're going to get the worms in the filter?
>> Are you kidding me?
Why wouldn't we?
>> Yeah.
>> You think this is any cleaner
than that over there?
>> Hmmmm.
>> We got to get the worm water.
>> Oh god.
>> Ohhhhhhh!
Oooo, they all stopped!
Oh, that's [beep] up.
They all detected.
They know a predator is among them.
What kind of worms are these?
>> I'm suddenly questioning this entire thing.
>> Ugh!
Here I'll [murmurs] it all up.
>> 'Tis the season.
>> Okay >> That's good, right?
>> I think I got some of the worms in there.
Oh, okay, we're going to drink it.
>> Here, you want a cap?
>> Yeah.
>> Put the cap on there.
>> I want a nightcap.
I want to pretend this is a nightmare
and we're going back to bed.
All right, I don't know if we got
one of the big worms
but we got a lot of little worms,
what I assume are mosquito larvae in there.
We're seeing swimmers.
We've got pond scum.
We've got sediment and who knows
how much bacteria.
Probably some kind of chemical contamination,
as well, right?
From run-off?
>> Oh, there's probably any number
of bad things in here
but the question is,
do you want to drink the water of life
and become the Kwisatz Haderach?
>> No, no, no!
>> Drink from it politrines!
>> I will not fear, fear is the mind cure [mumbles]
death that brings total obliteration.
>> So you don't want to sip this and give us a before after?
>> Noooo.
>> I don't want you to either.
>> A before after life is what it would be.
>> Exactly.
>> Okay, so I assume first thing we want to do is
filter out kind of the obvious muckety muck on there?
>> Well first thing we're going to set this off to the
side, so that as much of the particulate as possible
sifts to the bottom.
>> So the first kind of filtration is just gravity.
>> Yeah, and in the meantime we're going to be making
our actual filter.
Since you're better with sharp objects,
I have scissors that aren't meant for what we're
going to use them for.
>> Yeah so what do we, we're just cutting a hole
off the top?
>> Yeah, just cut off the top because this is going to be
our filter it's going to go nozzle down like that so just cut
it from like, that line.
>> Okay, cool.
So let's do..
[laughs]
>> Do you want the cut gloves?
>> Nawww.
>> They're right over there.
>> Name one time we've ever needed those.
There we go.
>> All right, perfect!
We're going to add a little membrane on there.
You can use like your sock, or your shirt,
or, I guess we could probably use a paper towel.
>> Would that be a bad idea?
Sterile gauze pad would be a little better.
>> I brought some sterile gauze pad from our EDC kit.
>> I know we sort of phone it on on a lot of this
stuff, this one I feel particularly inspired to
make sure everything happens safely.
>> Absolutely yeah, I do not want to end up in
the hospital with giardia or malaria or hepatitis x.
>> I just got to learn about a whole new things
to be scared of.
[laughs]
>> Here, why don't you put it just around the lip,
and then we will take those rubber bands
and see if we can.
>> Okay, so both of them go on the outside.
So here if you'll hold that.
There we go.
Start it there.
>> Okay, yeah.
It looks good.
>> Yeah it's a little bit lopsided, let me add
some more to make sure we get it as covered as possible.
>> Okay.
>> So at this point I do believe that this is going to
do a fair job of getting the grit out of everything.
>> Yeah, absolutely.
>> What next?
>> Now, remember this?
>> Yes we used the activated pellets charcoal to
filter out the tear gas.
>> Breathing slowly works man.
>> Yeah, you got to let that charcoal activate.
I can't believe it works!
>> I know!
[laughs]
>> Holy crap, holy crap that was perfect.
>> Are you not entertained?
This is the same supply its activated charcoal here,
but we're not going to use that.
>> Oh.
>> You can use that.
>> I would like..
>> We're going to use actual charcoal from the fire pit.
>> From the burn pile, yeah.
Okay so how do you know which part is the charcoal
and which is the wood?
I guess all of this is charcoal.
Oh this is great!
I didn't know we were preping for all this accidentally.
I thought we were just having parties.
>> Well, you know.
Yeah so were going to take this you're going to want to break
it up as much as you can, we're probably going
to want to uh, to grind it into a powder, so we might
want to keep it actually in here,
and grind it up in the container.
>> Yeah here.
>> And so, what we want is surface area.
So we're going to get as much of this powdered as possible.
>> Okay okay.
So I guess I'll start just by seeing what
I an break up by hand.
Kind of grinding it on itself.
All right, at this point, I'm getting lots of dust,
but it's harder to break these big pieces.
Do we want to, oh yeah maybe we can grind it.
Oof.
That's a whole thing.
All right here we go I'm not going to.
>> Working in the chimneys governor!
>> Hello hello what have we here?
Little bit of the old activated charcoal isn't it?
>> Yeah that's some good powder.
>> Because its going to be our first layer
in our defense against whatever horrible things yes.
Okay, so yeah.
Let's go ahead and pour that in there.
Brian and Jason get black lung.
That's the title of this episode.
I think that looks pretty good.
>> Yeah alright what's next?
>> Next up is sand.
>> Okay.
>> So we've got some really fine, fine sand right here.
[laughs]
>> Damn fine sand!
Come on down to the sand depot!
We got all the finest sand here!
Play sand!
>> Damn fine.
>> Sand worms!
>> Damn fine.
>> Sand traps!
>> Damn fine.
>> For every liter of sand you get,
I'll give you a beach.
>> Right next door to Jimmy Nun chucks!
Come on down to see us!
[laughs]
Second layer.
>> And so I assume the reason we want the layers
is for each layer to do a different job, right?
>> All of the toxins and everything are going to bond
to the charcoal before they pass through.
The sand is going to filter out a lot of the
harder particulates, and now, for the final.
>> Final?
Seems like so few steps.
We're going to put some pebbles in there.
>> God, intuitively, this doesn't look like it's
going to cause this to become safe to drink.
>> I know, I know!
>> Just rocks!
>> If you think about it.
>> Bigger rocks, smaller rocks, really tiny rocks.
>> A lot of the bigger stuff is going to get caught,
we're going to see a lot of those squirmy crawley things
that we saw in there
get caught in the rocks here,
and if they don't get caught in the rocks the sands
going to get them, and if they don't get caught in that.
So we've got four different layers here, right?
>> Uh yeah.
I guess from he gauze, and I assume there's
more treatments to come but let's I guess
get this thing started on the filtration.
>> But again yeah, this is really important to note.
This is filtration, not purification.
>> That's right, all the bacteria is still going to be alive,
just all the really small stuff, all of the viruses, all
of the parasites and stuff.
They're all going to make it through,
plus if there's any kind of heavy metals or toxins,
that's going to make it through as well.
>> Yeah, there's a lot that's still going to get through.
But this is going to get a lot of the visible stuff.
So we've got all of this,
now let's go ahead and I'll take this.
>> Yes.
>> And you cut this top part off of that one.
>> Okay, got it.
>> Now, we pour in the water.
>> Let's go.
>> Okay so see, we see a lot of the particulate is uh,
settled down to the bottom now.
>> But, there's no benefit to throwing in the larvae
and all that stuff, right?
We just want the "good" stuff on top right?
>> Just the yeah, just the tasty part?
>> You can see them swimming.
[ominous music]
I guess it's go time.
Gross, gross gross.
Lots of gross stuff.
Slimy arms and legs.
And critters in the buff.
[clock whirring]
So I give it the most improved award.
>> As you can tell, we've got some charcoal sediment
building up in here, but that's fine.
We're going to need to put it in here now.
>> And I guess there's no downside to eating charcoal,
as weird as it sounds.
There are certain substances like I believe kerosene
that if you ingest, its more dangerous to vomit them up,
because you might get it in your lungs, so they just say,
eat a bunch of charcoal.
>> Yeah yeah.
Or you'll give your dog charcoal when your dog
eats something he's not supposed to.
>> Like chocolate or something.
>> Right right.
So yeah we've got some charcoal but it's, I mean,
it's looking much better right?
>> Okay so what mini bosses have we defeated?
I assume worms of a certain size, parasites
of a certain size.
>> Yeah we're getting out everything that's not
microscopic, right?
I don't see anything crawling or swimming in there
so that's going to be the most important thing.
>> But at this point still not safe to eat.
Safer, but not safe.
>> Exactly.
So we've got about a third of a liter right here
we're going to add some iodine tablets.
Now this is the purification part.
>> Yeah what is iodine, do we know?
We just know it's the thing that makes water pure.
So that is a tablet designed for how much water?
>> Two of these per liter.
Since we've got about a third, let's just go ahead
and use one.
So we're going to put it in there
>> We want to dissolve it shake it around a bit?
>> Yeah you're going to shake it up and then we're
going to wait like thirty minutes.
[shaking water]
Oh wait.
It's fine.
Add two tablets of potable aqua to one quart or liter
of water and cap loosely to allow a small amount of leakage.
Wait five minutes.
Shake container to allow screw threads on the closure
to be moistened, then tighten cap.
Wait thirty minutes before drinking.
>> Okay I think what they're saying is there's going to
be some kind of out gassing, you don't want to
accidentally make a bomb, by sealing it all
the way off.
You also don't want to leave contaminated water
in the threads, so you want to get it loose enough that
the iodine gets everywhere, but you can see that it
dissolves very very quickly.
So I just want to shake it all around,
and then they mentioned about the threads,
if that's contaminated I'll kind of shake it and let some
of it kind of squeeze out with the iodine.
So theoretically all of this has been touched by
the iodine right?
>> Yeah!
>> Is iodine poisonous?
>> No, no no no.
No.
[laughs]
Makes questionable water.
Bacteriologically suitable to drink.
>> Okay, right on.
>> Yeah.
>> Does it say like do not swallow?
Definitely says if swallowed call a
poison control doctor immediately.
[laughs]
I'm getting mixed messages here man.
>> If it's in your eyes, wash it out,
call poison control.
Do not give anything to an unconscious person.
[ominous music]
I'm sure it's fine.
>> It's fine!
>> It's fine.
We'll get extra iodine flavored water.
All right, we'll give it a few minutes.
I'm sure it'll be fine.
God, I just don't want to, please dear lord,
let me die without a headline that says
'in ill-advised stunt, youtuber dies'.
Well, we did it.
We have the worlds worst lemonade.
>> That doesn't look good.
>> I mean between the charcoal at the bottom, the fact
that it all is yellow with the iodine, slightly above
the recommended level.
>> Slightly.
>> Okay so what next?
>> Okay, let's put it in this microwave safe glass.
>> All right.
>> I say that like I know that it's a microwave safe glass.
>> What's funny is I had the same thought.
>> So another way that you can get all of the impurities
out is to boil the water.
>> So at this point again, we're mainly worried about living,
biological toxins or whatever, right?
>> A lot of times you're out there in the wilderness and you
want to do iodine or you want to boil your water.
>> Other times your hosting a YouTube series and you
want to do both!
>> Yeah I don't want something horrible turning my
brain to mush.
>> Those worms!
>> I don't want those in my brain man!
>> All right here lets.
[grunts]
>> So when you're out in the woods just grab
yourself a microwave.
>> Yeah they grow wild in certain parts of
the United States.
>> Okay.
How long is sufficient?
>> To boil it?
>> Yeah.
>> Let's do like four minutes.
>> Sure.
[ambient music]
Is it still boiling?
What was that sound?
>> That was me taking my hand off the thing.
>> Okay.
All right.
Is it moment of truth time?
>> We'll it was boiling though right?
>> Yeah it boiled for like three minutes and apparently
only one minute is all you need.
Oh god.
I mean we've done everything we can do, right?
>> I mean, that's just iodine, that coloring.
That's just iodine.
>> Yeah, so it'll taste salty I guess.
Like the only thing, the only step we could go beyond this
is full on distilling right?
>> Yeah I mean.
>> Or superior filters.
>> It was boiling right?
>> Yeah.
>> We boiled it, we put the iodine in it,
we filtered it twice.
Should be fine.
>> I mean my guess is if we were out in the woods
in a survival moment, we wouldn't think twice.
>> Yeah.
>> So here's the part where we announce that we're not
going to drink it.
[laughs]
>> Is that what we're going to do?
>> No, we have to.
At this point, the whole reason we didn't drink
the pruno was because the CDC said you
should not drink the pruno!
This time, we did everything that the CDC says to do,
so we should drink it!
>> Right?
>> All right here we go.
Oh my god I drank worm infested pond water!
Go ahead.
It's only slightly salty.
[mumbles]
How are you feeling, how are you feeling?
[mumbles]
You're not swallowing, are you?
You swallow, you swallow!
Swallow it!
>> I swallowed it.
>> Okay.
>> I swallowed it.
>> All right well I guess hopefully this is the end of
the episode, if not you'll hear a recording from the
emergency room.
>> Oh boy.
You're drinking more?
>> It's a contest now.
Not as salty as I would have thought.
>> Actually tastes all right.
>> Yeah, tastes fine.
>> Yeah.
[rock music plays]
>> I'm a modern rogue.
I never look to the past.
I'm a modern rogue.
I know that good things don't last.
I always live for the thrill.
I never once lost the will.
I'm a modern rogue.
I'm a modern rogue!
[guitar solo]
>> Is it necromancy?
>> No you can't resist it can you?
>> What's happening?
>> Just bury your fists in there you know you want to.
>> No, I mean not really.
>> It's so thick no no, it's thick and rich so
chocolatey so rich and thick I've got to have you,
the majestic hair that comes when you take care of,
I was getting a little thin, I'm not going to lie man.
And then I went to getroman.com/modernrogue signed
myself up and all of a sudden look at this!
>> They cast a spell on your head!
>> It's so majestic I'm a walking cartoon.
>> Now did you have to walk into a..
>> An actual doctors office?
>> Yeah!
>> No I don't do that are you kidding me?
I talked to my Roman doctors about the real stuff I'm like.
>> Actual doctors?
>> Yes, of course!
This ain't no gas station bs fake pills,
this is the real medicine!
>> I've taken a lot of fake pills.
>> Well stop it, knock it off!
>> My primary pharmacy is a Texaco.
>> It's really hard to see you through all of this hair,
it's very confusing.
>> It's very confusing the feelings that I'm having
right now.
>> Yeah!
>> With this luxurious mane!
>> Brian if I wanted such a mane, what would I do?
>> I mean step one seems like you would go to
getroman.com/modernrogue you would sign up for a free
month of treatment.
Get actual doctors to give you real medicine,
to take care of that thing.
>> How much did you pay for the doctors to do the little
conference thing online?
>> How about doughnut baby?
>> Nothing.
>> That's right.
>> A free month of treatment, free consultation,
free two day shipping right to your house.
>> That's right.
You should join my club.
>> Do I have to do all this thing you been doing?
>> Yeah you really do.
>> You can't help it can you?
>> I mean you won't want to stop, it's great.
>> It's pretty cool looking.
[laughs]
>> Yee haw!
Hey howdy hey yall welcome to the snad depot,
whatever your sand needs we've got it for you.
We've got play sand!
>> Damn fine.
>> Sand worms.
>> Damn fine.
>> Sand traps!
>> Damn fine.
>> San Dimas!
>> Damn fine.
Right next door to Jimmy Nun chucks
come on down and see us!