In our increasingly fast-casual, ultra Instagrammable and foodie-centric age, the notion of fine
dining has definitely changed. But there's still some commonly practiced etiquette in
place at the most upscale of eateries. We're serving up the sauce on what to do the next
time you find yourself staring a swan-shaped napkin in the face.
"Hello, may I help you? You can sure as hell try."
When it comes to fine dining, potential faux pas begin the minute you're seated at your
table. Of course, you're going to be eager to pore over the menu, but curb your enthusiasm
by keeping it on the table.
Founder of the Plaza Hotel Finishing Program, Myka Meier, boned up on the intricacies of
fancy restaurant etiquette with a former member of The Royal Household. And, since she has
now officially been schooled in how the Queen behaves when sitting down to dinner, Meier
revealed to Food and Wine,
"In formal dining, the menus should always be touching the table in one place."
"Excellent choice. Thank you."
She acknowledges the temptation to lift the menu up and bring it up to your face — especially
if you have trouble reading tiny print in the dark. But she stresses that no matter
what, some part of that menu must maintain contact with the table at all times.
Having mastered the proper way to wield your menu, you're now likely inspired to order
something from your server. Some diners are intimidated by waitstaff, and others are given
to server domination. But regardless of where you fall on the confidence spectrum, there's
a right way and a wrong way to communicate with those tending to you.
When BestLife compiled a list of fails committed at fancy restaurants, it turned to Patricia
Napier-Fitzpatrick, an expert at the Etiquette School of New York, who identified raising
your voice to get the waiter's attention as one of the worst of them all. She says,
"Unless someone is choking on his or her food and you're too scared to administer the Heimlich
yourself, you should never, ever yell across the room at a waiter when you need something."
In a less catastrophic context, the guru recommends communicating via subtle eye contact. If your
best attempts at come-hither glances are missing the mark, she concedes that you can throw
up an index finger as an added hint. But nailing the right cue is particularly important if
you're the one hosting the meal. According to Napier-Fitzpatrick,
"The person hosting the meal is the one responsible for getting the attention of the waiter so
that [everyone] can order."
"…That's good."
Once you've got the waitstaff in your orbit, you're ready to order off that fancy restaurant
menu. But before you take the plunge, you need to make sure you're on the same page
as your dining companions regarding how few or many courses you plan to devour. The Internet
is rife with specialists warning diners to order the same number of courses as their
fellow diners. And according to BuzzFeed, the rationale behind it is to…
"Avoid the awkwardness of anyone sitting with idle hands, watching you eat."
"I'll have the tornadoes of beef. The lady will have the same thing. Thank you. Thank
you, sir."
Even once you've matched yourself, course-by-course, with your companions, it doesn't mean you
can relax and give into your hangry-ness. Fine dining is like running a marathon — you
need to pace yourself. Business Insider recommends taking your time and pausing after every few
bites so that no one feels rushed. Patricia Napier-Fitzpatrick calls out guys in particular
for sprint-eating, telling Best Life,
"Some men just gobble their food down."
But in the event of poorly paced pigging out, the expert offers some tips on damage control.
If you find yourself emptying your plate before your companions, and you still have a few
crumbs of food left, place your silverware in the resting position. This strategy allows
you to pretend that you're still eating, even if you're thinking about dessert.
In an upscale restaurant, ordering drinks can be even more rule-bound than ordering
food. According to Yummy, you shouldn't order a beer unless it's a specialty of your chosen
restaurant. So, with brewskies off the table, you can better focus on wine — a libation
that's associated with a cellar's worth of dos and don'ts.
"This one's good. What's it called again? White wine. Frickin love it."
First things first: Submit to your sommelier . Because chances are you're nowhere near
as big of a wine expert as you think. And according to Myka Meier, you should refrain
from swirling your wine around in the glass and then going in for a sniff test. Even worse
is drinking when the sommelier pours out that initial bit for you to try. As noted by Man
of Many, the sampling is so you can ensure whether or not the bottle is oxidized or corked.
Since a sommelier will have already verified this, it's really just a formality, and you
should give them the permission to pour.
If you don't want to imbibe, clue in your server or sommelier discreetly. According
to Lanzerac's fine dining guide, moving your glass out of reach or covering it with your
hand is bad practice. To signal you've had enough, or only want half a glass, just say
when.
Before even taking a sip of the wine that was just poured, you'll probably want to toast
something. But regardless of whatever you decide to drink to, under no circumstances
should you clink when you raise your glasses. Not only can clinking crack or even break
fine glassware, but as Myka Meier points out,
"In very formal dining, the less noise we make, the better."
And if someone graciously offers a toast to you, don't cheers yourself.
"Raise your glasses to the couple of the decade. Doug and Lillian. Woooo!"
Once you finally get the rim of the glass to your lips, you've officially sealed your
fate. According to Meier, all subsequent sips should be taken from the exact same place
on the glass so you don't completely encircle the rim in Chapstick or anything else. You
should also always put your glass down in the exact same spot from where you picked
it up.
When you want more wine — and, duh, of course you will — Lanzerac advises never handing
your glass to the waitstaff. During a pour, only your server should ever be holding your
glass.
Admittedly, there are some pretty creative things you can do with a napkin, from wrapping
gifts to creating a stylish bandana for your dog. But at a fancy restaurant, napkins are
for one thing only: dabbing your mouth. As made clear by Listverse,
"Never wipe your mouth with a napkin, you should always dab."
And don't even think about placing or spitting a bone, seed, piece of fat, or anything else
into your sacred cloth.
"I don't wanna be critical, but this is very chewy. You're eating a hand towel."
Upon first sitting down, you should immediately unfold your napkin and place it on your knees.
According to the Etiquette Scholar, unfolding must be done in a graceful, single motion.
Tucking it into the front of your shirt or into your pants is never acceptable.
During your meal, if you have to get up, carefully place your napkin `fon your seat. And if you
happen to drop it on the floor, it's ok to pick it up unless a server is available to
replace it. Once you've made it through the entire meal, you can finish up by placing
your napkin to the left of your plate — never on your plate.
"Breaking bread" is not just some random expression. It is literally what you should do when confronted
with the good stuff at a fancy restaurant — as opposed to taking a knife and slicing
it.
"I love it. I love my little naughty pet. You're naughty."
Bread etiquette unexpectedly goes against the grain of what would seem to be the thing
to do. Forsaking all civilized cutlery, simply tear a bite-sized chunk off with your fingers
before replacing the roll on the small plate to the left of your place setting. If you
don't have a side plate, place your bread directly on the table to the left of your
plate. Just don't let your bread touch your main plate. Even if you end up with a blizzard
of crumbs all over the tablecloth, your server will skillfully sweep them away between courses.
But bread needs butter, you say! Yes, it does. And you shall apply it only using your butter
knife, and with one attempt. Personality Tutor notes that you should never stick your knife
in the butter dish repeatedly.
Part of the fun of dining at a high-end eatery is feasting on fancy-ish foods. But of course
there are rules for nearly each vegetable.
Asparagus is one of those seemingly sophisticated vegetables you'd imagine tackling with a fork.
Yet unless it's served as an accompanying side, or drenched in sauce, you can eat asparagus
with your fingers. Pick up the spear near the stem and dip the tip in any accompanying
sauce. And leave any tough stems on the side of your plate.
Manual rules also apply to the artichoke. Peel each leaf off before dipping the round
edge in butter or sauce. Use your teeth to scrape the flesh from the edge before discarding
the leaves on your plate. Once you reach the artichoke heart, use a knife and fork to finish
it off.
"This fork is ice cold. No, no, Dad, that's a chilled salad fork. It's a fancy restaurant,
y'know."
On the flipside, flatware is your friend when dealing with fruit, which should be cut and
sliced using a knife and fork. For fruits bearing pits and stones, including olives,
discretely spit the offenders into a spoon or your cupped left hand before placing them
on the edge of your plate.
The topic of asparagus and artichokes — and their potential to be dipped in butter and
Hollandaise sauces — brings us to the issue of double-dipping. Yeah. You know who you
are. When it comes to shared sauces, Etiquette.com pointed out the obvious, noting,
"This can be a nightmare and you need to be aware of avoiding the 'double-dip.'"
"You dipped a chip, you took a bite, and you dipped again."
Of course, double-dipping occurs when you dip a piece of food into a sauce, take a bite,
and then dip the bitten end back into the sauce. Modern Manners compares such an act
to licking something you then expect all of your friends to eat.
"I'm a little bit overwhelmed.”
“Yes. I'm so glad you said that. I was about to say the same thing."
To avoid contaminating both the sauce and your reputation, carefully gather a modest
portion of sauce onto a spoon and create a saucy lagoon on your plate next to the food
it goes with. You can then politely let loose with double, and even multiple dips, in the
comfort of your own personal space.
With everything that's already on the table, you'd think there wouldn't be space to add
yet another element. Even so, some diners feel the urge to clutter precious space with
personal objects — a major faux pas.
According to Best Life, even if you aren't constantly peeking at your phone, placing
it on the table is almost worse than checking it throughout a meal. The outlet also condemns
wallets, purses, hats, keys, and any other non-food presence for polluting the purity
of the dining environment.
"There are certain things that are just not done."
The taboo against keys on the table is particularly prevalent in Sweden. According to Scandi Kitchen,
this belief supposedly stems from sex workers who placed their keys on restaurant tables
to show that they were open for business. Over time, the sentiment transformed this
commercial code into a bad luck omen. To this day, if you're dining in Sweden, or with a
Swede, someone will likely urge you to pocket your keys.
As Yummy generously acknowledges, it's ok if you absolutely must take pics of your food.
However, should you need to take care of other urgent digital business at a fancy restaurant,
experts recommend doing so in the restroom, out of sight of other diners.
The loo is also the space to engage in flossing or otherwise picking at your teeth. There,
you may also feel free to dab at any spots or spills that may have happened at the table,
or to fix your hair or make-up — or even, as Listverse advises, blow your nose. Ultimately,
as long as you do it in the restroom, basically anything goes, the exception being that you
shouldn't announce the exact details of what you're about to do. According to Food and
Wine,
"If you have to leave to use the restroom, excuse yourself. But do not say why!"
"Where are you going?”
“I'm going to the ladies' room."
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