I have a bad habit of drinking a lot
and then--
and then texting myself.
And they're usually just little ideas or reminders
or stuff that I think is important at the time.
And then when I wake up the next morning,
I don't remember sending them and they're just nonsense
and they don't make any sense.
I do it all the time.
So what I decided to do was compile
some of my actual drunk texts
that I've sent to myself over an 18-month period
and turn them into a song.
So that's what this is.
And these are all my actual drunk texts, so...
♪ Drunk texts to myself ♪
♪ Messages through time ♪
♪ I don't remember any of these ♪
♪ What was going through my mind? ♪
♪ Drunk texts to myself ♪
♪ Subconscious to my phone ♪
♪ What are these supposed to mean? ♪
♪ Should have left this thing at home ♪
"Start a band called Dwarf Cooter."
♪ Dwarf Cooter ♪
"Black people are the second-worst
at being president."
♪ It felt good, second place ♪
"Tell all of your friends you're moving back to Virginia,
then just move across town."
♪ Move across town, yeah ♪
"Write a dinosaur children's Christmas book.
"The last line should be,
'Because it had never snowed in Dinosaur Land before.'"
"You kicked the door,
but the light thing was already broken."
♪ Mm-mm-mm broken ♪
"Secretly learn French."
♪ Oh, he's so amazing, yeah ♪
"Try to get the rights to
♪ Try to get the rights ♪
♪ Drunk texts to myself ♪
♪ Messages through time ♪
♪ I don't remember any of these ♪
♪ What was going through my mind? ♪
♪ Drunk texts to myself ♪
♪ Subconscious to my phone ♪
♪ What are these supposed to mean? ♪
♪ Should have left this thing at home ♪
"Fat Girls Taking Dumps
would also be a great band name."
That's a great name, man.
I agree.
"The 7-Eleven on Franklin doesn't sell beer
because they're Muslim."
♪ Muslims don't know how to party ♪
"See if LOLfarts.com is taken."
♪ And dot org and dot net ♪
♪ and dot edu ♪
"Porno for Pyros is the one
that sings
♪
"You need to pay the bus driver twice next time."
♪ Just got to get out of here ♪
"Rapping dog TV show."
[barking]
"Tonight, by the tire swing,
"there's a fight to the death
as the deer stares into the field,"
followed by 17 exclamation points.
Heavy exclamation points.
"Learn to Tokyo drift."
[makes engine sound]
"I am just a conscious vibration
observing my little section of life."
- ♪ Drunk texts to myself ♪ - "Sent from my iPhone."
♪ Messages through time ♪
♪ I don't remember any of these ♪
♪ What was going through my mind? ♪
♪ Drunk texts to myself ♪
♪ Subconscious to my phone ♪
♪ What are these supposed to mean? ♪
♪ Should have left this thing at home ♪
[cheers and applause]