>>> AND WITH THAT EXTRA FLOOR WE CAN HAVE MORE CLASSROOMS AND
ANOTHER GYM. >> OKAY, THANK YOU, MOLLY
FOR THAT PRESENTATION ON WHY OUR SCHOOL SHOULD BE TALLER.
WE'LL DEFINITELY THINK ABOUT IT. ALL RIGHT.
WE HAVE ONE FINAL PERFORMANCE IN OUR ASSEMBLY HERE TODAY.
SADLY, THE MAGICIAN THAT WAS GOING TO TEACH YOU ABOUT THE
DANGERS OF JAYWALKING COULDN'T MAKE IT.
>> NO! >> I KNOW.
BUT WE'RE VERY LUCKY THAT AN AMAZING BACKUP WAS AVAILABLE
INSTEAD. THEY ARE A FEMINIST THEATER
ENSEMBLE THAT PERFORMS FEMINIST MONOLOGUES AT 11:00 P.M. AT AN
UNDERGROUND BOOKSTORE THAT SERVES MOSCATO.
I WOULDN'T TAKE YOU TO THAT SHOW.
BUT I ASKED IF THEY COULD DO AN AGE-APPROPRIATE VERSION FOR YOU
GUYS, AND WE ARE THRILLED. WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, FEMBOX!
>> HOT AND WET, MY SOURCE OF LIFE, SOFT PLACE TO LAND FOR HIS
MEMBER. MY ELBOW BLOSSOM, HAIRY AND
MAGICAL, TOUCHING MY ELBOW AT NIGHT, PLAYING, LEARNING.
MY ELBOW IS MY OWN. I ONLY HAVE ONE ELBOW.
>> SHE ONLY HAS ONE ELBOW? >> OH GOD.
>> WHAT'S WITH KIDS THESE DAYS WAXING THEIR ELBOWS?
HUH? IN MY DAY WE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW
WHAT AN ELBOW WAS UNTIL OUR WEDDING NIGHT, AND THEN YOU
THOUGHT, WHOA THAT THING'S GOT A MIND OF ITS OWN.
>> HUH? >> THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT THEIR
ELBOWS BUT THEY'RE POINTING TO THEIR LAPS.
>> HEY, TOUGH GIRLS GOT ELBOWS TOO.
OKAY? MINE'S LIKE A CHEVY BEL AIR.
IT'S GOT A GLAZE ON IT LIKE A CREAM DOUGHNUT.
SMELLS LIKE WD-40. AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU KNOW WHO LOVED IT? EVERY MAN I EVER MET.
>> I THOUGHT YOU SAID THEY COULD CHANGE THEIR MATERIAL.
>> I GUESS THEY CHANGED IT AS LITTLE AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE.
>> OUR ELBOWS, THEY BIRTH OUR BABIES.
THEY PLEASE OUR MEN. THEY GUSH THE BLOOD OF LIFE.
>> DO THEY? >> SECRET POWERS BETWEEN MY
THIGHS. MY CHARISMA, MY JUICE, MY JOY,
MY FRUITS, MY SECRET SOUTH CAROLINA, MY BEAUTIFUL ELBOW.
>> THAT DIDN'T EVEN RHYME, THESE OLD LADIES ARE MESSED UP.
>> FOR THE LONGEST TIME I WAS AFRAID TO LOOK AT MY ELBOW IN
THE MIRROR. THE OTHER DAY, I DECIDED TO DO
IT. DUST OFF THE COBWEBS.
I THOUGHT, WOW, THAT THING'S HUGE.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT? IT AIN'T HALF BAD.
>> MY MOM HAS BIG ELBOWS TOO. >> THAT'S GREAT, MOLLY.
>> 1978. ONCE I FOUND MY ELBOW, I WAS
RUBBING IT AGAINST EVERYTHING. [ LAUGHTER ]
THE BUS, THE SOFA, AIR CONDITIONERS.
AND EVERY PILLOW IN POUGHKEEPSIE, HEY, HEY, HEY!
>> OH MY GOD, THEY'RE NOT EVEN TRYING.
>> DO I HAVE A BAD ELBOW? >> I'M NOT SURE THIS APPLIES TO
YOU, CURTIS. >> YEAH, NO, I'M KIDDING.
I FIGURED OUT WHAT THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT.
>> WHY DO WE COME UP WITH OTHER NAMES JUST TO AVOID SAYING
ELBOW? GASH.
CRITTER. SLIT.
SEE YOU NEXT TUESDAY. >> THAT'S SO MUCH WORSE.
>> CRITTER. >> WE'RE NOT GOING TO PAY THEM,
RIGHT? >> NO, THEY DIDN'T ASK FOR
MONEY, JUST TO USE OUR LIBRARY. NONE OF THEM HAVE PRINTERS.
>> I LOVE MY ELBOW JUST THE WAY GOD GAVE TO IT ME.
>> THAT'S ACTUALLY A PRETTY GOOD MESSAGE.
>> I TELL MY HUSBAND, LOOK. THIS IS THE ELBOW YOU MARRIED,
THIS IS THE ELBOW YOU'RE GOING TO GET.
IT'S NOT LIKE YOU'RE GOING TO WIN ANY PRIZES FOR YOUR
FOUR-INCH FLACCID DONG. >> YEAH, NEVER MIND.
>> NO, IT'S FINE. THE PARENTS ACTUALLY HAD NO
PROBLEM WITH THE PENIS CONTENT. >> EVERYBODY IN THIS ROOM, YOU
EITHER HAVE AN ELBOW OR YOU CAME FROM AN ELBOW.
>> WHETHER YOURS IS BIG OR SMALL.
>> A GRILLED CHEESE OR A SLOPPY JOANN.
>> IT'S ABOUT CONFIDENCE. >> CONFIDENCE!
>> BECAUSE WHEN YOU LOVE YOURSELF --
>> THAT'S RIGHT. >> YOU'RE GOING TO BE SURROUNDED
BY LOVE. >> SURE ARE.
>> YOU ARE GONNA HAVE LOVE -- >> UP TO YOUR VAGINAS.
>> OKAY! WE ARE DONE, SORRY, GUYS, THAT
WAS NOT APPROPRIATE AT ALL. >> THAT WAS ACTUALLY PRETTY
EMPOWERING. >> ELBOWS!
ELBOWS! ELBOWS!