- How many people here would like to be
in better physical health?
Raise your hands, let me see.
Raise 'em high, don't be scared,
some of you are scared, get it higher, baby.
Let me tell you how to do that.
I'm gonna help you right now.
I would like you to eat healthier,
less calories and cleaner,
and I would like you to go
to the gym and do physical exercise.
But what do people want?
They want to take some fucking apple vinegar gummy pills.
If they've got paper, they want surgery.
Same with business.
This shit is simple.
Do the right things, the right things will happen.
But people are always looking for fucking shortcuts.
People are looking to point fucking fingers
instead of thumbs, that's how our society's anxious.
Gratitude will make you happy every day
and make your business better, you know why?
'Cause as we sit here, right this second,
there are 850 million people on earth
that do not have access to clean water.
This is a mindset game, this is a perspective game.
You wanna find positivity?
I do it for a living.
Guess what?
It's there 24/7.
You wanna be happy?
It's unlimited.
You choose what life is.
That's how I think about business.
Anything you do that is not nice is costing you money
and the faster you figure that actually out
and the faster you figure out why you're not nice,
the more likely you'll be successful.
I'm really happy to be here.
I'm really looking forward to the fireside chat
because I really want it to be contextual to the industry.
Obviously, given that my sister's in it,
I've always paid a lot of attention to it
because I always feel that there's so much ambition
and entrepreneurial tendencies in the real estate industry.
But I also have always been fascinated by it
because it's similar to the reason I like the NFT market
and why I always loved collectibles,
'cause I'm fascinated by the concept of markets
going up and down.
Especially, if you break down my content,
I think so much of it speaks to being practical
and being self aware and staying in your lane.
And people really get caught in this industry
by being overexcited when times are good
and not anticipating when times are bad.
And so, it's been really interesting to watch
over the last 30 years, the way to win,
how easy it is to lose, and there's so many variables in it.
The thing that I probably want to talk most about is
what I've been spending a lot of my time on lately
which is, what does it take,
from an emotional intelligence standpoint,
to actually be successful?
I think the concept of soft skills
has been really fascinating to me.
That when we talk about empathy or kindness or patience,
we consider them soft skills.
And I truly believe that
they're the actual hard skills of business,
that knowing how to write up a contract,
or use Excel, or like run the math is actually quite easy.
What I think is very hard is
when another human being is incredibly disrespectful
to your face and having the intestinal fortitude
to be the bigger person in that moment
for what you're trying to accomplish.
And I think it's time
that we really start having this conversation
in the business world.
How many people here have employees?
Raise your hand, raise it high.
Thank you.
So for example,
for all the people that just raised their hand,
something I've been thinking a lot about lately is
the concept of, does anybody here
actually have the explanation
to why it is ever appropriate for a boss to scream
and yell at somebody in a negative way
in front of other people?
- [Man] Never.
- Like, yeah, we're all like, "No, no, no, never."
But it happens every fucking day.
And I've been fascinated by it because I'm like, wow,
for a long time, the context of doing business has been used
as an excuse framework for just bad behavior, and comma,
and here's the most interesting part,
I'm stunned by how many people are confused
that fear is a better motivator than love.
I'm fascinated by that.
You know, the hypothesis of my new book and how I wrote it
and really what I think about
and really COVID gave me the opportunity
to really finally put on paper
what's been on the tip of my tongue,
what's always been in my stomach,
what's been back here, but I got it out there is
I'm trying to build the biggest empire in the world.
I wanna be the single,
most successful entrepreneur of all time financially.
Like the points, the money,
I have no concern about saying that
but I'm stunned by the fact that people feel that
you have to compromise your values to be successful.
I remember when Steve Jobs got wildly popular
in Silicon Valley, and I would be at conferences
and I would talk about
how I was so marveled by his incredible innovation skills
but I didn't love the way the narrative was being painted
about how he treated employees.
And it was like, I was watching kids, young kids,
who were starting apps and companies,
genuinely almost think it was cool
to be tough on their people, not that they were so bad,
but they felt like this was gonna motivate them.
And I was very affected by it.
And I think that it's really led to a place where,
for me, as my profile and the attention on me has grown
that I feel incredibly compelled
to have the conversation of my management style.
It's why I had to go vulnerable,
which is not my favorite move, with this book
'cause in "Twelve and a Half",
I talk about my half being candor,
Gary Vee on stage and in content is a beast
when it comes to candor, it's my strength.
Gary Vaynerchuk as an operator was really bad at it.
I actually just genuinely didn't like
the feeling of delivering bad news,
telling someone they weren't good at what they did.
I didn't value money enough
so I'd be willing to keep people around.
I tried a hundred different ways to fix it
without telling them that they stink.
And then, what would ultimately happen is
I would get resentment.
I would hold on for dear life for three years.
And then, finally on a random Tuesday,
surprise the shit out of them and fire them.
(audience laughing)
Which is the complete scenario of why
anybody who's ever worked for me does not like me
in a world where that shouldn't be the case
based on who I am and how I value money.
And I had to go through that in my late 30s
and early 40s, even probably early forties and recently.
And what has transpired once I kind of tricked myself,
I almost Gary Vee'd myself
and basically put the word kind in front of candor
and I've managed that way for the last two years,
and for anybody, and I saw a lot of you
with your body language who have that shortcoming,
it has been staggering how effective
kind candor has been for me, and has been foundational
in the growth of VaynerX and VaynerMedia
over the last 24 months.
Other people, candor comes very natural.
The problem is they deliver it like a dick face,
and that's never gonna work.
You know, genuinely making someone not feel good,
genuinely scaring someone is a losing formula.
You can more than easily use it in the short term
to capture some cash.
I promise you,
you will leave money on the table deploying that format.
And it's an important convo because we have not,
in popular culture, had the conversation
that warm and kind and nice is the actual alpha skill
to make lots of money, and I'm fucking here for it
and I hope you're ready for it.
(audience applauding)
It's a big deal 'cause my book isn't like,
"Let's all go to a mountain and drink tea
and pray nice shit will happen."
This is not a fucking delusional,
like it's all gonna be okay.
This is if you wanna dominate long term.
The reason so many people lose
in the real estate market overall, they will in NFTs,
they do in collectibles
and many other things is they want money fast
and they do short term behavior
and they don't thoughtfully think long term, right?
They overextend themselves, game over.
That's how I think about emotional intelligence.
If you play in a way
where every relationship appreciates you and,
listen, do you understand what I'm talking about
when I talk about strength?
I'm actually not, I love this subject
'cause I wanna get deeper into it.
Of course, it's easy to be nice to someone
who's nice to you.
I'm talking about the other shit.
Everyone's like, "Yeah, I'm nice."
I'm like, "But what about last Thursday
when you all wanted to punch Patty in the face?"
"Well, she was a bitch, I'm like, 'fuck you'."
(audience laughing)
I'm like, "That's what I'm talking about."
Not when shit's easy, when shit's hard.
Everybody in this room has likely had someone get cute
and not pay you for some shit.
What do you do then?
How do you have the strength emotionally
to be the bigger person?
Do you waste your energy on envy and jealousy
or talking shit about that person?
Or are you on the offense and just moving on?
This is money talk.
This isn't grandma's nice talk, this is money talk.
And that's the nuance
that I'm trying to bring to forefront of the conversation.
I am going to make uncomfortable levels of money
on the foundation of kindness.
When I dissect what's going on with me
and how it's happening, it is grounded in patience.
It is grounded in empathy.
It is grounded in compassion.
It is grounded in that stuff.
People are like, "Gary, this is all wrong.
I'm nice and people walk all over me."
I'm like, "Let's break it down, Becky.
(audience laughing)
Like, tell me how you're nice."
Now, let me tell you about the conversations
when I broke down the people
that tell me they get walked all over
and that's why you can't be nice.
Let me make it real simple for everybody.
Here's what's actually happening.
It's one of two things.
One, they're actually trying to manipulate people.
This whole conversation of, "I get walked all over."
No, no, you tried to give somebody some shit
that they didn't even want
because you wanted something from them.
"Gary Vee, see you're coming to Dallas,
let me give you a ride to the hotel
to save you some money on the car."
Translation, "Hey dude, I wanna pitch you shit
for 35 minutes while I get you to the hotel."
That happens every day.
People out here trying to act kind,
they're using it as manipulation.
Like, don't give me shit I don't want.
And then, ask immediately after.
That's not kind, that's manipulation.
That's number one.
Or number two, you're kind, but you're scared to negotiate.
You're insecure and it has nothing to do with
you being kind, you're getting walked all over
because you're unhappy
that somebody's negotiating in business.
You just genuinely wish you could get more for it.
You could have said no.
We lack accountability.
I had this talk the other day, like,
"But I had to sell it for 40."
I was like, "But you said yes,
you could have told Harold to go fuck himself.
You said yes, nobody walked all over you.
You folded 'cause it was a good deal for you
or you needed to move it."
I'm fascinated by what's going on in the world.
We've gotten into such a funny place
for a million different reasons.
And I just want people to lock in on themselves
and realize how much opportunity you have.
- [Man] Yeah.
- The biggest thing I'd like to leave with
before we go into this Q&A is
there's never been more opportunity
if you're willing to, A, be accountable.
That's my favorite.
People mad at like their brokerage
is not doing enough for them, leave, dick.
(audience laughing)
Where's the accountability?
You don't like it?
"Oh this partner's always screwing me up."
Don't do business with him and her.
Just an utter lack of accountability.
You're in control.
Nobody's making you do shit.
This is not the USSR
where my sister and my parents are from.
You are in America, nobody's making you do shit.
(audience applauding)
What you are is you're a crybaby.
(audience laughing)
It's really hard.
We are an empire, America.
We are in now 50 years of prosperity.
People are soft.
So they complain about dumb shit.
Stop doing that, right?
Like, I get emails from OG real estate people all the time,
like, "You know, this is some bullshit,
my business is down."
I'm like, "You are not making TikToks.
You're not posting, you're not doing it.
You still have fucking bench ads.
(audience laughing)
That's why you're losing."
Shit changes.
I'm pumped that you were the Queen of Queensborough
for five years, it's over.
Mike Tyson used to be the champ of the world.
People are so entitled.
"I used to dominate Berkeley town."
I'm like, "But you don't anymore because you shit on social,
that's where people's attention is,
you're not making content, nobody knows what the fuck.
You have a nice reputation,
you're still getting some referrals
but you're not as hungry anymore."
People act as if it's entitled to them.
If you don't work, it's not gonna happen, period.
(audience applauding)
And what's crazy about that is it's simple.
How many people here would like to be
in better physical health?
Raise your hands, let me see, raise 'em high.
Don't be scared, some of you are scared,
get it higher, baby.
Let's get it high.
Ready? Let me tell you how to do that.
I'm gonna help you right now.
I would like you to eat healthier,
less calories and cleaner,
and I would like you to go to the gym
and do physical exercise.
But what do people want?
They want to take some fucking apple vinegar gummy pills.
(audience laughing)
If they've got paper, they want surgery.
Same with business.
This shit is simple.
Do the right things, the right things will happen.
But people are always looking for fucking shortcuts.
People are looking to point fucking fingers
instead of thumbs, that's how our society's anxious.
- [Man] Yeah.
- Accountability will set you free.
Gratitude will set you, we sit here right now,
gratitude will make you happy every day
and make your business better.
You know why?
'Cause as we sit here right this second,
there are 850 million people on earth
that do not have access to clean water.
And we're complaining about some dumb shit.
This is a mindset game.
This is a perspective game.
You wanna find things that are bad, good news,
you can go on the internet and take all your time with it.
Just turn on cable TV and the news,
they sell you negativity 24/7,
you're more than welcome.
You wanna find positivity?
I do it for a living.
Guess what? It's there 24/7.
You wanna be happy? It's unlimited.
You choose what life is,
that's how I think about business.
Anything you do that is not nice is costing you money,
and the faster you figure that actually out
and the faster you figure out why you're not nice,
the more likely you'll be successful.
Thank you.
(audience applauding)
(upbeat music)