-Guys, today is Tuesday.
And we're getting there, you know?
This is a day-by-day thing.
And I think at this point, everyone either knows someone
who knows someone who has COVID-19
or knows someone who has had it and beat it,
or knows someone who's had it and passed away.
Sadly for me, today was my first passing.
Our good friend Hal Willner from "Saturday Night Live"
who's a music producer, genius, creative genius.
I loved him so much.
Everyone loved him. Every cast member loved him.
And we will miss him so much.
My thoughts go to his family and Sheila and Arlo.
And, everyone, just take care of each other and stay safe,
and we're going to get through this, you know, together.
Let's talk and help each other out whenever we can.
I will talk more about how
as the -- as the weeks go on, obviously.
But that was --
It's kind of --
I'm happy that today our guests on the show are friends of mine.
Justin Timberlake is my guest tonight.
I've known him for seems like forever.
Here is his charity he's working with.
It's gofundme.com/ americasfoodfund.
That's where he's asking everyone to donate.
They're splitting their money from Feeding America
and World Central Kitchen,
which is very -- They're both two amazing things,
which is also what Russell Wilson and Ciara,
their charity is Feeding America, as well.
And we have music from Avett Brothers
who want to give to directrelief.org.
Alright, everyone, the show must go on.
Let's start the show with the monologue.
♪♪
Welcome to "The Tonight Show: At Home Edition."
Hey, here's some good news.
Today is National Beer Day.
Americans celebrated with national beer breakfast,
national beer lunch, and national beer dinner.
Did I ever tell you that story about my dad
when he was getting --
My dad had prostate cancer. He beat it.
But he was getting checked out,
and he was like -- wanted to stay local.
We're from upstate New York, and he was like --
Did I ever tell you this? -I don't think so.
-If you know my dad, he used to drink a lot of beer.
Anyway, he was like, "Yeah, I'm going to get checked out."
I go, "Yeah, absolutely." He's like, "It's a good doctor."
I go, "Are you sure he's good?
Have you checked the references?" He's like, "Yeah."
I go, "Alright, what's his name so I can check him out?"
He goes, "His name is, uh, Dr. Beer."
-[ Laughs ] -I go...
"Dad."
If irony -- If irony exists --
"You can't -- There is no way you can let Dr. Beer kill you.
We're not letting that happen."
He was probably a great doctor, but we did not see --
I don't believe we saw Dr. Beer.
Dr. Beer he was going to go see.
[ Both laugh ]
Oh, my goodness.
Love you, Dad. I know you're watching this.
And he probably did go see Dr. Beer and didn't tell me.
Maybe he saw his son [Laughing] Dr. Light Beer.
Guys, after 11 seasons,
tomorrow is the series finale of "Modern Family."
That's right. They were fine for 11 years.
Then after just four weeks of quarantine, it's over.
That's what it takes.
Well, this isn't good. The CEO of SeaWorld has resigned
after just five months on the job.
Even crazier, today he was charged
with hiring a hit man to take out Carole Baskin.
Gosh. Everyone's got it out for poor Carole.
Some entertainment news.
There's a new show on Quibi called "Murder House Flip"
where people renovate notorious homicide homes.
But I'm more excited for the spin-off show,
"Tiny Murder House Flip."
Some sports news. UFC President Dana White said
he's securing a private island so fights can continue.
Yeah, people fighting on a private island, or as I call it,
every movie starring Jean Claude Van Damme.
I saw a lot of people are now calling for
the S.A.T. to be completely online.
If this happens, testing boards are asking kids
to make sure they use a #2 computer.
During quarantine, many Americans
have been studying their family genealogy.
I guess after spending a month together, everyone's thinking,
"Am I really related to these people?"
-[ Chuckles ]
-I read that some people are taking this time at home
to learn an instrument.
Yeah, 'cause being quarantined with your family
wasn't stressful enough.
Let's throw in learning an instrument into the mix.
[ Off-key violin ] You sound great, honey.
Yeah. Always wanted to learn the violin.
Is that right?
I don't know about this.
There's now an online recipe for Peeps-infused vodka.
It's fun, except for the three hours you got to listen
to a marshmallow bunny keep asking,
[Slurring] "Do you think I'm a pretty Peep?"
And finally, a triathlete was competing in a virtual Ironman
when she said her idiot husband tripped over the power cord.
If you want to hear more on this story,
tune in to next week's episode of "Murder House Flip."
There you go, everyone. That is my monologue.
We have a great show. As I mentioned,
from the new "Trolls World Tour" movie,
Justin Timberlake is here.
We also have Russell Wilson, superstar quarterback,
and Ciara, superstar singer, on the show,
and music by the Avett Brothers.
Now it is time for #AskTheFallons.
♪♪
Look like Michael Myers from "Halloween."
Like the mask -- I look like the mask he wears.
-And I look like Jamie Lee Curtis from "Halloween."
-Honey. -Honey.
-Jamie Lee Curtis is beautiful. You're beautiful.
-[ Laughing ]
-Okay. Alright.
Welcome back to -- Are you changing again?
Is there something else following us?
Oh, it's a sign.
Thought it was an animal.
[ Both laugh ]
-Oh, Lord. -Thought there was an animal,
a white animal following us.
-[ Laughs ] Scary. -Alright.
-So, we have good news.
Winnie lost a tooth today.
-Yes. You'll see it, though, in the interview.
-Oh -- Oh, rats. I forgot we interrupt you in the middle.
-Spoiler alert. -Sorry.
-This is from @--
These are all different questions people are saying.
#AskTheFallons. -Okay.
-A lot of them are just stuff like, "What do you eat?"
and all this stuff that you -- You wouldn't care.
-Olives. I'm obsessed with olives.
-Well, I mean -- Yes. [ Both laugh ]
Alright, well -- -Jalapeño-stuffed olives.
Mmm! -You love olives.
-Yeah.
-How did you start with Graber olives?
-Grabers have been in our family for a hundred years.
It's a great place out of mid-California,
the "Graver" Olive Company.
And they are delicious. -The Graber olive --
-Graber --
-"It's the Graver Olive Company, and they make Graver olives."
-I just meant to say Graber.
Graber -- Anyway, the best olives!
-Alright, this one's from @--
This one's from @Jaco1948Jaco.
It says, "Who did all that amazing artwork
on the walls of your house?"
I'll leave -- That's definitely a question for you.
-Yes. However, who did it is hilarious,
unless they're speaking about one thing,
because it is a lifetime of collecting heirlooms,
like, my grandparents' stuff, my dad's stuff, my mom's stuff,
and then a lot of flea market digging
and tiny little shops in New Hampshire and the Hudson Valley,
and Palm Springs has got amazing goody thrift shops,
and nothing's antique --
Oh, eBay. Tons on eBay.
I really love finding great --
old paintings, vintage paintings.
And our style -- I say "ours" 'cause it is ours now, is --
-Is anything of mine hanging on the walls?
-A little.
Is, like, original --
The sailing, the sailing room, that whole --
-That's true. Yeah, yeah. I do have some ship paintings.
-Ship paintings. But I love it.
-We don't have any famous paintings.
-No. Anyone --
Yeah. If you came in to steal our artwork,
you'd have to steal like 2,000 paintings to add up to anything,
and that would be so hard to steal.
Yeah, we don't actually have much of value.
We just have things from the heart,
things we love.
-Yeah, which is...valuable. -Yeah.
-Which is invaluable. -Invaluable.
Um...
Um, alright, This one is from
@LivingInFallony.
"What's the story behind getting a slide in your house?"
Everyone's asking about the slide.
Is there a real story? -Yeah.
Well, the slide is in an old barn,
and the only thing
I knew that we wanted to do with the barn
was put a slide down the middle of it,
and I have a very curious -- -Did I know that?
-Yeah. Remember that drawing?
It didn't come out quite as cute as it should have.
-Usually, things start with a drawing on an index card.
-Yeah, everything's on index cards.
No lines. -With that black pen --
that black ink.
-Black flair pen. -Yeah.
-And I drew that slide coming down.
And then --
Once you draw it, I think you can bring it to life.
So the point of it was because how cool and fun is that?
I don't know. It just is so fun.
I go down that slide usually all the time.
I go down with tons of laundry. [ Laughs ]
I go down with anything. And I use the slide --
-Kids, adults, everyone uses the slide.
-Shoot my way out and then, yeah, walk up the stairs.
-But do you remember the first time, when we were dating,
and you saw my apartment,
and you were like, "Wow, this is cool. What's that?"
And I go, "I want that to be a secret room."
-Yes. -Like, behind the wall.
And you're like, "Yeah. Why?"
-I did? No.
Oh, that -- You had, like, a closet
or a pantry or something. -No, it was like --
The pantry -- It's now where the pantry is,
but at one point, I had something designed
where if you sit on the chair, the wall spins.
-Yes. -And it's like a James Bond.
-I'm surprised I said why.
-Well, it was like, "What are you hiding from?"
Like, "Why would you need a hiding place?"
-Well, I'm sorry, old self, for saying that,
in former form before we were married you.
-Then I had another idea to have a door
that's in the cabinet of under our sink in the bathroom
that you can go through the cabinet
and come out the other bedroom and then go to --
and then, like, leave the apartment.
-I want to say, like, "Why?" but I would totally do it.
So I'm in.
-Yeah, I have no idea why.
But I'm glad we didn't. -I like it.
-But we did put, like, a secret bookcase
for the play room for the kids. -Yes.
-And we have a slide now.
-Yes.
-There you go. -Yes. Hi.
-Hi, guys.
Ooh, new shades. Trying them out?
They look good, bud. -Aww, cute.
-Any other questions?
-I was thinking maybe I should interview you next week.
-Alright. Here we go.
-Bye! -Back to the show.
-Bye, everyone. Ha, ha.