Being 21 years old like as a woman…
That already is a lot of stuff happening but to add on to that, I was thrown into this
new circumstance that I wasn't familiar with.
Those two things mixed together was how I was feeling and I needed to get it out in
some way.
And so I just wrote “Growing Pains.”
I wanted to mention my brother because he actually kind of solidified the “Growing Pains" title.
He's younger than me so he's going through puberty stages.
Sorry he's gonna see this now and be embarrassed.
But he was like, "My back's killing me."
I was like, "Why, did you hurt yourself at like soccer practice?"
He's like, "No I just like…"
"It’s just like growing pains, I guess."
And I was like, “What did you just say?!”
I think even when I did have moments where I got to be home, like that didn’t even
feel like home.
That can be hard sometimes especially when you’re in a like inbetween part of your life.
So for me, home felt far away, yes physically but also like weirdly, emotionally.
I’m a very emotional person.
I’m a water sign.
Cancer, you know.
Definitely have a short fuse, but then when I feel like I have a short leash in terms
of work as well cause you feel like you’re limited in your privacy and what you can do
in your day.
But also, just the short leash of like life sort of throwing everything on you and you
not being able to maneuver through it.
When I was younger, I felt like being able to fulfill all my dreams would make everything okay.
And it makes a huge part of my life amazing and lovely but there’s still something there
that no circumstance can necessarily fix.
I think a lot has to come from you.
And I just didn’t know how to quite do that yet or where to start.
I mean I feel like a lot of the cliche phrases that were told like you know, “Everything
passes with time,” or “Everything happens for a reason.”
All of those things, they are cliche but they are in a way true ultimately I think.
There’s truth in every word I write.
That just comes from my past songs that were these positive messages towards other people.
That advice that I was giving, I couldn’t always necessarily take for myself.
I still mean those things and I still believe all of those things I’ve said but that doesn’t
mean that you can’t feel the opposite some days.
Content incomprehension for me was just another way of basically saying sort of a blissful
ignorance or a blissful innocence that I feel like a lot of kids have.
Then I just think like, “Aw."
"You’re gonna get your heart broken one day."
"And you’re going to like cry about somebody and it’s gonna be so sad.”
When you’re in a circumstance like mine where you’re gone
all the time, you sort of distance yourself unintentionally of course from everybody.
And there’s that feeling of just loneliness because you feel like everybody’s just gone.
And then the ones that do come into your life…
What are you actually here for?
Do you really care to get to know me?
Or is this just like to your benefit, you know?
I think a lot of my fans or people who listen
to my music always tell me that what I’ve said outside of my music and within my music
has really helped them love themselves a bit more.
But then I would listen to them say that and I’d be like, “Wow."
"I’m really not taking my own advice.”
Because sometimes I’ll just look at myself and hate it.
My dad is a huge sports fan so there’s this like AM radio station that he would listen
to every day called like the Fan Five 90.
It was amazing.
I just remember that.
Sunday mornings in my house were always really fun and just simple.
The biggest difficulty has been trying to find myself when I’m alone and when I’m
not doing music.
The biggest challenge for me was just learning how to separate the two and knowing that it’s
not the end of the world if they, you know, intertwine.