My mum said that this outfit is the most appropriate for a date.
But it's not really me.
I don't want to start a potential relationship off on a false representation of who I am.
Now that's more like it.
I'd better leave 20 minutes early, so that I get there 5 minutes late.
Oh no, I'd better leave 40 minutes early, so that I get there on time.
It's a first impression.
I'd better remember to remove this flaky nail polish before the date, so that he thinks I'm...
... polished.
Now I need to remember to check that I don't have toilet paper on my foot this time as I leave the restroom.
And remember the most important thing
that you literally always forget.
Exercise emotional boundaries.
Don't prod too hard.
Let him speak in his own time.
Yeah I'm really nervous; he told me that he's taking me out for a "surprise"
and then didn't even tell me what kind of attire I should wear.
I feel sick.
Alright, how are we playing this one?
Are we playing the "looking for a genuine connection" approach, or the
"mess with him and see if he can keep up with me" approach?
Or are they one and the same?
When I asked him what his favourite colour was, he said,
"your eyes"!
He's so deep!
And last year, he gave up his job, just so that he could spend more time with his family!
I know!
Well I mean,
he lost his job, so he was forced to move in with his family,
but it's the same thing
He has 12 different cats.
And he has brown hair, which is new and different,
because my last boyfriend had blonde hair.
I really don't want to go out tonight.
Why is it that in order for me to find my soulmate, I have to do this
"casual dating" thing?
Can't my soulmate just find me already?
It's exhausting having to put myself out there over and over again...
Oh hey, Rob!
I'm at my house!
Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry!
Okay I'm leaving right now.
Well,
I've just gotta get dressed and then I'm-
Oh...
Thank you!
Um, my tea has just arrived...
You know what? I'll drink it on the way.
Yes, hi. My date has booked a table for 7pm there tonight for 2,
and I'd just like to go ahead and pre-order our meals right now, so that they're ready when we get there.
Yep, I'll be paying the full amount now
and then I'll send him an invoice for his half later.
No, this is not a business meeting. It's a date.
A date. Yep.
Well do you not like to be prepared for your dates, Sir?
*Singing* "I finished crying in the instant that you left!
Just to make sure we don't run out of conversation,
I'm going to write out some of my trusty conversation cards.
Hmmm... let me see...
What are some good prompts for a date?
"What's your favourite movie?"
"What's your favourite dish?"
"How many kids do you want?"
"Do you have any financial savings?"
"Do you have life insurance?"
"Is there any history of dental problems in your family?"
"May I please see your healthcare record?"
"How soon would you be able to provide a police check?"
Yeah I'm really excited! He's going to pick me up at 5,
and then he's going to take me somewhere and hopefully we can have a chat,
You know, just casual stuff; "get to know you" style stuff.
You know, first date kind of stuff.
What's that?
What do you mean, "don't use my dating life as an excuse to practice cognitive behavioural therapy on people"?
Alright, you've been analysing this guy at work since you started having feelings for him.
So that makes an entire year now of gathering data about his goals,
his ideals, his character and his values.
After deducing that he would be a suitable partner,
you've finally said yes to a date.
Now, from what you've learned about him, it should be natural and easy conversation.
But on the 1% chance that you are wrong,
which isn't likely,
you can always request to have your desk moved at work and just never answer his text messages again.
It's about time for a desk move anyway; those people around you are getting way too friendly.
So tonight is a win/win.
And you've deliberately set it up that way.
You genius.
Hang on guys, I've just gotta call my date!
Hey Dan, how are you, mate?
Yeah look, just calling to let you know that
I'm gonna be about an hour, maybe an hour half late
to our date.
Unless, -oi! shhh!
Unless... what are you doing right now?
Aha.
Yep.
Oi! Wear your helmet! What are you doing?!
How do you feel about heights?
Define "safe".
This seemed like a good idea a week ago, but
restaurant,
loud people talking everywhere,
potentially dull conversation,
small talk with the waiter, having to choose a meal,
having to find a space to park my car...
I'm gonna cancel.
I've been alone this far.
I don't need to put myself through this.
Okay,
I'm going to save you the suspense.
This man is NOT perfect.
I already know that.
He's not perfect, but guess what?
You are not perfect either.
Stop having these expectations that people need to live up to
that you can't even live up to yourself, if you're honest with yourself
NO,
be honest with yourself.
Don't self-sabotage this one.
Don't talk yourself out of this one.
Listen to what he has to say.
Don't fabricate some weird meaning out of his words.
His words mean
probably what he says.
I'm watching you.
Don't watch him.
Don't internet stalk him. I know you're planning to!
DON'T.
Don't do it!
Why do you keep doing this to yourself?
This perfect man doesn't exist.
Stop.
Just stop.
Go in
and just be like,
"yeah, I'm here. I'm chill. I'm just here to get to know you."
"I don't have to plan a future with you."
"I don't have to imagine my future with you."
"I can go with the flow. It's easy."
"It's totally chill."
I can't. I can't though.
It's who I am!
I'm an idealist!
Yeah well I've been looking for a "compatible mate" for about 7 years now
so I'm pretty much just having fun with it at this point.
Nah look, I mean, it should be a good night.
At the very least, we can perhaps have some interesting conversations about the political climate.
Great.
Looking forward to it.
I'll see you in 20 minutes.