( APPLAUSE )
WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY!
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY NEXT GUEST IS A STAND-UP COMEDIAN,
ACTRESS, AND WRITER.
SHE STARS AS SUSIE GREENE ON "CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM," WHICH
IS RETURNING FOR ITS 11th SEASON.
>> AND I WANT TO MAKE A TOAST TO FRIENDSHIP.
YES, TO FRIENDSHIP.
>> TO FRIENDSHIP AND TO BE WITH EVERYONE.
>> CASSIE, HARRY.
>> CHEERS!
LARRY, YOU CAN'T LOOK ME IN THE EYE AND TOAST?
>> LOUIE IN THE EYE?
TOWARDS WHAT END?
>> BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT PEOPLE DO.
LOOK THEM IN THE EYE.
>> WHAT IS THIS A SEANCE, RAISING PEOPLE FROM THE DEAD.
>> WE'RE CONNECTING AND HAVING SOME INTIMACY.
>> I DON'T NEED TO CONNECT.
>> WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF?
YOU'RE SAYING, "HELLO, I SEE YOU."
I ACKNOWLEDGE YOU.
I CONNECT WITH YOU.
>> HELLO!
I SEE YOU!
I ACKNOWLEDGE YOU!
I CONNECT WITH YOU!
>> Stephen: PLEASE WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW," SUSIE ESSMAN!
♪ ♪ ♪
>> THERE ARE PEOPLE!
>> Stephen: HUMAN BEINGS.
>> THERE ARE PEOPLE, HUMAN BEINGS.
LISTEN, I WANT TO SAY TO THE OUTSET, THERE IS NOTHING TO THE
RUMOR ABOUT BRET AND ME.
WE DATED A LITTLE BIT, BUT IT WAS ULYSSES S. GRANT THIS,
ULYSSES S. GRANT THAT.
HE WAS ALWAYS IN BED WITH US, STEPHEN.
I COULDN'T TAKE IT.
>> Stephen: CONGRATULATIONS ON THE 11th SEASON.
>> ISN'T THAT CRAZY.
>> Stephen: 21 YEARS OF "CURB YOUR ENTHUSIAM."
>> IT'S SO GREAT.
>> Stephen: DID YOU DREAM FOR A MINUTE-- NOBODY SIGNS ON FOR A
PROJECT THINKING I'M DO THIS FOR 20 YEARS?
>> NO, I DIDN'T THINK I WOULD BE IN IT AFTER THE FIRST YEAR.
I HAD NO CONTRACT.
I WAS A DAY PLAYER FOR, LIKE, THE FIRST FOUR SEASON S.
>> Stephen: YOU'RE KIDDING, REALLY?
>> YEAH, THAT MEANS NO MONEY.
>> Stephen: SURE "PLAY AS CAST."
>> WE WERE THE UGLY STEPCHILD SHOW TO "THE SOPRANOS" AND "SEX
AND THE CITY."
>> Stephen: AND WHERE ARE THEY NOW?
>> EXACTLY.
DEAD.
WELL, NOT "SEX AND THE CITY."
THEY CAME BACK.
"THE SOPRANOS" CAME BACK.
THE PREQUEL.
>> Stephen: DID YOU KNOW LARRY BEFORE?
>> I MET LARIAT CATCH A RISING STAR IN 1985 OR '86, OR
SOMETHING, WHERE HE WAS THE LEGENDARY COMEDIAN'S COMEDIAN.
>> Stephen: ALL RIGHT IN '85, HE WAS LEGENDARY?
>> OH, YEAH.
WE WOULD ALL GO INTO THE ROOM TO WATCH HIM BECAUSE HE WAS
DANGEROUS.
HE WAS VOLATILE.
AND HE HAD THE MOST BRILLIANT MATERIAL.
BUT THE AUDIENCE-- IF ONE WOMAN LOOKED AT HER WATCH, HE'D STORM
OFF, HAVE A TEMPER TANTRUM.
ONE NIGHT HE GOT ON STAGE AND LOOKED AT THE AUDIENCE AND SAID,
"I DON'T THINK SO," AND WALKED OFF.
OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
>> Stephen: I NEVER DID STAND-UP, BUT COMEDIAN'S
COMEDIAN ALWAYS SOUNDED TO ME LIKE, COMEDIANS LIKE HIM, BUT
THE AUDIENCE, NOT AS MUCH.
>> LARRY NEVER, NEVER FIGURED OUT HOTO PANDER TO AN AUDIENCE.
>> Stephen: NOT EVEN A BEAUTIFUL AUDIENCE LIKE THIS
ONE?
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> THAT WAS A POSITIVE.
>> Stephen: SORRY, GO AHEAD, GO AHEAD.
>> THAT WAS A POSITIVE THING BECAUSE HE HAD SUCH INTEGRITY
ABOUT HIS MATERIAL, YOU KNOW.
AND HE WOULDN'T JUST LIKE, "WHERE ARE YOU FROM?"
HE WOULD NEVER GO TO THAT LEVEL THAT THE REST OF US WENT TO
BECAUSE WE WERE DESPERATE FOR THEIR LAYOFF LAUGH S.
>> Stephen: SURE.
>> HE WAS NEVER DESPERATE FOR THEIR LAUGHS.
>> Stephen: HE DOES RADIATE A "I DON'T CARE IF YOU LIKE ME,"
VIBE.
BUT INSIDE A HEART OF GOLD?
>> EON I LOVE LARRY, ALMOST AS MUCH AS I LOVE MY HUSBAND, AND
BRET BAIER.
>> Stephen: YOUR CHARACTER IS KNOWN FOR SOME OF HER OUTFITS.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: HERE YOU ARE KIND OF LIKE A RHODA... AMY SHERMAN
PALADINO KIND OF LOOK HERE, FRENCH SAILOR.
I'M NOT SURE WHAT'S GOING ON HERE.
HAVE YOU-- HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT ABOUT, LIKE-- I LIKE THIS.
I'M TAKING THIS HOME.
>> THE ONE THING I HAVE NEVER SAID TO OUR WARDROBE DESIGNER
IS, "CAN I KEEP THIS?" EVER, EVER.
BUT I LIKE BEING SUSIE GREENE FOR THAT REASON.
I DON'T WANT TO WEAR WHAT I'M GOING TO WEAR.
I LOVE PUTTING ON THESE OUTRAGEOUS OUTFITS AND THEN I'M
HER FOR THAT DAY.
>> Stephen: YOUR CHARACTER IS ALSO KNOWN FOR AN ABSOLUTELY
FILTHY MOUTH.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: IS THAT STRICTLY THE CHARACTER OR DOES IT SHOW UP
IN YOUR DAILY LIFE AS WELL.
>> I MEAN, DON'T ( BLEEP ) WITH ME.
IF YOU PUSH ME.
>> Stephen: SURE.
( APPLAUSE )
SHE'S VERY REACTIVE.
YOU KNOW, YOU DO SOMETHING AND SHE JUST RESPONDS AND SHE NEVER
THINKS ABOUT ANYTHING.
SHE'S COMPLETELY SECURE IN ALL OF HER OPINIONS.
I'M A COMIC.
I'M ANALYZING AND SECOND GUESSING.
I'M INSECURE.
SO THAT'S VERY DIFFERENT.
BUT WE BOTH TAKE NO PRISONERS.
I WOULD SAY THAT.
IS THIS MINE?
>> Stephen: WHAT?
>> IS THIS MINE?
>> Stephen: LET'S FIND OUT.
>> OH, MY GOD!
IT'S BOURBON.
ULYSSES S. GRANT IS HERE.
>> Stephen: "CURB" IS KNOWN FOR DISSECTING LITTLE MOMENTS OF
HUMAN INTERACTION.
>> RIGHT.
>> Stephen: THAT ONE PERSON CALLS INTO QUESTION.
>> CORRECT.
>> Stephen: AND I WOULD LIKE TO--
>> THAT ONE PERSON IS ALWAYS LARRY.
>> Stephen: YES, IS ALWAYS LARRY BUT ENDS UP BEING THE BULK
OF THE CRISE.
I WANTED TO GO OVER WITH YOU SOME EVERYDAY SOCIAL
INTERACTIONS THAT HAVE BEEN HOTLY CONTESTED ON THE SHOW.
>> OKAY.
>> Stephen: AND SEE IF I CAN GET YOUR ACTUAL RESPONSE, YOUR
ACTUAL TAKE.
>> ME, NOT SUSIE GREENE.
>> Stephen: SUSIE ESSMAN.
"WHEN PEOPLE SAY NO GIFTS, DO THEY REALLY MEAN IT?"
>> OH, THAT IS SUCH A LOAD OF CRAP "NO GIFTS."
YOU SHOW UP WITH NO GIFTS THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT YOU FOR
WEEKS.
THEY'RE WHISPERING BEHIND YOUR BACK.
IT'S SUCH A LOAD OF NONE TENSE, NO GIFTS.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
>> Stephen: WHAT IF SOMEBODY SAYS, "I MADE A DONATION IN YOUR
NAME?" >> THAT IS EVEN WORSE.
"I MADE A DONATION IN YOUR NAME."
>> Stephen: I GET ALL THE CREDIT.
IT'S IN YOUR NAME BUT IT'S MY MONEY.
>> WE HAD AN EPISODE ABOUT THAT, THE ANONYMOUS DONOR, THE PEOPLE
WHO DONATE ANONYMOUSLY, THEY'RE SO FANTASTIC-- I DO THAT
SOMETIMES.
>> Stephen: NOT ANYMORE, BECAUSE NOW WE KNOW YOU DO IT.
IF IT'S HALLOWEEN AND PEOPLE ARE TRICK-OR-TREATING WITHOUT A
COSTUME, SHOULD THEY STILL GET CANDY?
>> IT DEPENDS HOW OLD YOU ARE, DON'T YOU THINK?
>> Stephen: IF THE PERSON HAS HIT PUBERTY.
>> NO, NO TRICK-OR-TREATING FOR CANDY.
GO GET A JOB AND BUY YOUR OWN CANDY!
( APPLAUSE ).
>> Stephen: I AGREE WITH YOU.
I AGREE WITH YOU.
>> IT'S FOR THE KIDS!
>> Stephen: I THINK YOU HAVE TO ATTEMPT SOMETHING.
>> SOMETHING.
MUSTACHE PAINTED ON OR AN EYE PATCH THAT YOU'RE MOCHE DIANE,
OR SOMETHING.
>> Stephen: SO FEW LATE-NIGHT SHOWS MAKE MOSHE DIANE
REFERENCES THESE DAYS.
I ASK THEM TO AT LEAST DO AN IMPRESSION.
HERE WE GO: SAMPLES AT AN ICE CREAM SHOP.
SHOULD THERE BE A LIMIT ON HOW MANY YOU CAN ASK FOR?
>> YEAH, TWO.
>> Stephen: REALLY?
WHY, IT'S NO SKIN OFF YOUR ROSY NOSE.
>> THAT'S A RUSE.
IN THAT PARTICULAR EPISODE, HE WAS WAITING ON LINE BEHIND HER,
AND SHE'S JUST SAMPLED THIS AND SAMPLED THAT AND SAMPLED THIS.
AND, MEANWHILE, SHE HAD, LIKE, MAYBE, FOUR OR FIVE SCOOPS ALL
TOGETHER THAT SHE DIDN'T PAY FOR.
I'M ON TO HER.
>> Stephen: I THINK IT'S UNLIMITED.
>> YOU DO, REALLY?
>> Stephen: I THINK IT'S UNLIMITED.
>> WITH TOPPINGS.
>> Stephen: NO, YOU CAN'T PUT TOPPINGS ON-- THAT'S TOO FAR.
COULD YOU PUT SOME JIMMIES ON THERE?
I WANT TO SEE WHAT THE COMBINATION'S LIKE.
>> SPRINKLES.
DON'T YOU LOVE SPRINKLE S.
>> Stephen: WHAT?
I DON'T ACTUALLY LIKE SPRINKLES.
I DON'T.
THEY'RE JUST COLORED SUGAR.
THERE'S NO CHARACTER TO THEM.
>> ONCE WHEN I RAN AWAY WHEN I WAS A KID, THAT'S WHAT I MAKD
WAS SPRINKLES.
>> Stephen: IT'S A GREAT SOURCE OF ENERGY.
>> I WENT IN THE CABINET AND LOOKED AROUND AND WAS LIKE, OH,
SPRINKLES.
I CAME BACK A HALF AN HOUR LATER SO IT WAS FINE.
IT WAS ALL JACKED UP.
>> Stephen: SUSIE, LOVELY TO SE YOU.
>> YOU, TOO.
WE'RE DONE.
>> Stephen: YOU CAN STAY, BUT THE CAMERAS ARE TURNING OFF.
( APPLAUSE )
ENTHUSIASM" PREMIERES CTOBER 24 ON HBO.
SUSIE ESSMAN, EVERYBODY!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.