We gotta make a lot of changes in this country.
We really do, and I think one way this really starts,
especially make it better for women and young girls growing up,
we gotta get rid of the pink tax, okay? Or the tampon tax.
If you guys don't know what this is,
it is a luxury tax that women pay
on all of our tampons and pads.
'Cause if you guys didn't know this,
apparently my period is a luxurious experience.
( moans )
It's like a Sandals resort down there.
- And that's bullshit, right? - Woman: Whoo!
'Cause if-- thank you, right?
( cheers and applause )
- Right? Yeah. - Man: Yes.
All right, 'cause if a tampon is a BMW,
what's my Kia option?
It's just a bunch of Q-tips tied together?
Maybe it's like a day-old baguette from Whole Foods.
What am I using?
We're all friends here, right?
We're all buds.
So I'm gonna tell you guys what I use.
I use what's called a diva cup.
- Yeah. - ( cheering )
All right, a couple of you guys know.
Do you know what it is?
( laughing ) Oh, I can't wait!
( laughing ) All right.
Okay, buddy, buckle up. So...
what it is, all right,
is it is a silicone cup-- nay, a chalice...
that you put in there, okay?
And then when it's full, it's caught all the stuffs--
it's full, you just take it out,
and then you throw it on your enemies, so...
I'm a fat bitch, if you guys couldn't tell.
Let me hear it for all my plus-size bitches.
- ( cheering ) - Thank you.
If you didn't clap, fuck you, I hope you die.
I didn't see you clap.
I'm waiting for you to clap.
Are your hands broken? Thank you.
I am not having sex with him.
I'm comfortable with being a plus-sized lady.
I'm cool with it, but I live in L.A.
It sucks, right?
'Cause I know in L.A., I'm like a solid six,
maybe like a six and a half.
I go back home to Minnesota, I'm a nine.
Okay? Because I have a body that's useful.
I can haul wood with this body, okay?
If it gets too cold, I'll stand in the corner,
heat the whole house, all right?
That's the kind of body I have.
But living in L.A., I constantly have to prove to people
that I like myself, right?
No one believes you. So I did it, all right.
People are always like, "Prove it." I proved it.
I wore a crop top on TV, right?
( cheering )
People are like, "Oh, you're such an inspiration."
And I was like, "Why? It's on clearance. That's it.
That's the only reason I wore this thing."
And they were like, "Well, aren't you scared?
Aren't you scared of the trolls?"
And I was like, "The trolls? No, I'm not scared."
Last time I got trolled, the guy said this.
He goes, "Ugh, I can't imagine
trying to have sex with the folds of her fat."
And I'm like, "But you did, so I win!"
Okay?
I'm not scared.
But it is a double standard, I will give you that.
It's a double standard, okay?
'Cause I'm a goddamn hero. Right?
Skinny girls will take an Instagram picture,
maybe show a little boob, a little bit of butt.
People are like, "Oh, what a slut.
They're such a slut."
I do it, and they're like, "Oh!"
"You go, girl! How do you do it?
So confident in that disgusting body
you live in every single day?"
It's so ridiculous.
But I will be honest with you guys, all right?
I do love myself, and it took me a really long time to get here,
to like my body, and like who I am.
And I'm saying that all you guys here,
if you hate your body and hate the way you look for any reason,
you're stupid. You look great.
Give yourselves a round of applause
for being so beautiful, right?
( cheering )
And I actually-- I have an eating disorder.
I have a food addiction, okay?
And I know some of you here, especially the cunt that just laughed,
don't think it's a real thing, okay?
I see you.
It is a real thing 'cause I've done crazy things for food, okay?
I've sucked dick for food.
They thought it was a date, but I knew what I wanted.
I've eaten out of a trash can before.
Yeah, I'm not proud.
But I kind of am.
Kind of like when you fart so bad, you're just like,
"Oh, my God, that was horrible.
I made that."