>>> THE CEO OF AMERICAN AIRLINES MET WITH THE HEAD OF THE NAACP
OVER ALLEGATION HAS THE AIRLINE IS RACIALLY BIASED.
I BET THEY BOTH SHOWED UP LATE. SEE, IT'S OKAY FOR ME TO MAKE
THAT JOKE BECAUSE I'M RACIST. YOU KNOW, OF ALL THE STEREOTYPES
ABOUT BLACK PEOPLE I HAVE NEVER HEARD THAT WE ARE BAD ON PLANES.
NOW IF YOU SAID THE NAACP HAD A MEETING WITH THE CEO OF
LOWE'S CINEMA, YEAH, THAT TRACKS.
BUT BLACK PEOPLE ARE AWESOME ON PLANES.
WE ALWAYS HAVE HEADPHONES. WE ALWAYS WEAR SOCKS.
WE NEVER TALK TO STRANGERS UNLESS WE ARE TELLING YOU TO
SHUT THAT BABY UP. THE REAL PEOPLE YOU NEED TO
WORRY ABOUT ON PLANES ARE WHITE WOMEN NAMED GAIL WHO COLLAPSE
WHEN PLANE LANDS. >> MTV HAS LAUNCHED A SPIN-OFF
OF ITS HIT "JERSEY SHORE" SERIES SET ON THE COAST OF ALABAMA AND
FLORIDA CALLED "FLORIBAMA SHORE," WHERE THE CAST MEMBERS
CAN CONTRACT GONNORMIDIA. A MOM IN WISCONSIN TOLD POLICE
SHE FOUND A PACT OF METH IN HER CHILD'S HALLOWEEN CANNY RIGHT
AFTER POLICE ASKED HER WHY SHE WAS RAKING THE LEAVES NAKED AT
MIDNIGHT. MIDNIGHT.
>>> THERE HAS BEEN A LOT OF SERIOUS NEWS THIS WEEK, BUT HERE
WITH HERE WITH "WEEKEND UPDATE'S"
"GOOD NEWS REPORT" IS EVERY BOXERS GIRLFRIEND FROM EVERY
BOXING MOVIE EVER. >> HEY MICHAEL.
>> HEY, ANGEL. SO HOW WAS YOUR WEEK?
>> I'M OKAY. I'M HANGING IN THERE.
>> OKAY. SO I HEAR YOU GOT SOME GOOD NEWS
FOR US? >> WELL, YOU KNOW, TOMMY IS
FIGHTING TONIGHT. SO I'VE BEEN BETTER.
>> WELL, I HOPE HE WINS. >> YEAH, WELL, I HOPE HE STAYS
ALIVE TO SEE OUR KIDS GROW UP. HOW MANY MORE -- HOW MANY MORE
HITS 'TIL IT'S ENOUGH? >> ARE YOU GOING TO THE FIGHT
AT LEAST? >> NO.
NO. I TOLD HIM IF HE FIGHTS AGAIN,
I'M TAKING THE KIDS TO MY SISTER'S.
SO THAT'S WHERE I'LL BE. YOU KNOW NOW.
AND COLIN, I WANT YOU TO KNOW, TOO, WE'LL BE AT MY SISTER'S.
>> OKAY. >> YOU KNOW WHAT, YOU ARE HERE
TO TALK ABOUT NEWS. SO LET'S DO THAT.
HOLIDAY SPENDING IS EXPECTED TO BE UP THIS YEAR.
>> OH, COME ON. >> DID I SAY SOMETHING?
>> YOU KNOW, I HAVE BEEN HERE BEFORE WITH YOU, HOLIDAY
SPENDING A LOT, OKAY? AND IT'S UP.
AND WE'RE HAPPY AND THINGS ARE GOOD.
AND THEN, BOOM, IT'S DOWN. I CAN'T WATCH THAT.
YOU KNOW, I HAVE WORKED IN A LOT OF BARS IN MY LIFE.
BUT I DESERVE TO BE HAPPY FOR MY KIDS, MIKEY, NIKKI, AND PEPPERS.
OKAY? SO IF YOU ARE GOING TO DO THIS,
HOLIDAY SPENDING, I'M TAKING THE KIDS TO MY SISTER'S.
>> OKAY. >> DO YOU HEAR ME?
>> YEAH. I KNOW.
>> DOES COLIN KNOW? COLIN?
WE'LL BE AT MY SISTER'S. >> I'M AWARE.
>> OKAY. >> LET'S MOVE ON TO SOME GOOD
NEWS. YOU'RE GOING TO LIKE THIS.
>> OKAY, OKAY. >> APPLE PREDICTS ITS RELEASE OF
THEIR NEW Iphone X WILL BE THEIR BIGGEST OF ALL TIME.
>> OH, COME ON. WHEN IS IT GOING TO STOP?
EVERY YEAR? A NEW iPHONE?
AND THEY TELL ME IT'S DIFFERENT THIS TIME.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? I DON'T GIVE UP ON MY OLD iPHONE
AFTER A YEAR, ALL RIGHT? YOU THINK -- YOU THINK YOU ARE
THE FIGHTER? I'M THE FIGHTER.
I HAVE STILL GOT BY 4S, ALL RIGHT?
THAT'S RIGHT. >> YOU SHOULD REALLY GET A NEW
PHONE. >> YEAH, YEAH?
WHAT KIND OF WOMAN WOULD I BE IF I DID THAT?
YOU KNOW WHERE I'M GOING TO BE THE DAY THAT PHONE COMES OUT?
>> YEAH, AT YOUR SISTER'S. >> AT MY SISTER'S, WITH MY KIDS,
YES. COLIN, DID YOU HEAR THAT?
>> I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING YOU ARE SAYING.
YES. >> WE ALL HEARD YOU, ANGEL.
LET'S TALK ABOUT SOMETHING HAPPY.
SNOOPY BALLOON WILL BE RETURNING FOR THE MACY'S THANKSGIVING DAY
PARADE. >> OH, COME ON, THAT BALLOON IS
ALMOST 60 YEARS OLD. I CAN'T TAKE IT.
DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY MEN IT TAKES TO HOLD THAT THING UP?
YOU ARE DONE. YOUR BROKEN DOWN PIECE OF
RUBBER. ALL RIGHT?
AND IF YOU THINK FOR A SECOND THAT I'M TAKING MY KIDS TO THAT
PARADE AND NOT TO MY SISTER'S, YOU GOT ANOTHER THING COMING,
MICHAEL. OKAY?
>> YEAH, I HEAR YOU. JUST OUT OF CURIOSITY, WHERE ARE
YOUR KIDS NOW? >> AT MY SISTER'S.
>> EVERY BOXER'S GIRLFRIEND, EVERYBODY.
>> I'M THE FIGHTER. I'M THE FIGHTER.
I'M THE FIGHTER. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>>> A NEW REPORT RAMPGS THE NEW YORK CITY SUBWAY SYSTEM AS THE
BEST IN THE COUNTRY. THIS IS ACCORDING TO MASTER
BAITING HOBO MONTHLY. >> VERY IMMATURE.
>> NOVEMBER IS NATIONAL IMPOE TENANCY MONTH, BUT I JUST CAN'T
GET EXCITED. >>> THIS WEEK THE HOUSTON ASTROS
WON THE WORLD SERIES IN AN EPIC MATCHUP WITH THE DODGERS.
HERE TO TALK ABOUT IT IS NEW BASEBALL FAN, LESLIE JONES.
>> WHAT'S UP, COLIN. >> WHAT'S UP, LESLIE?
I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE SUCH A BIG YANKEES FAN.
>> YES, IMYOU BOUNTIFUL SNOWMAN. FOR ALL THE WRONG REASONS.
I LOVE TO SEE THOSE FINE MEN IN THEIR TIGHT LITTLE PIN SFRIP
PANT. YOU SHOULD HEAR ME AT THE BALL
GAME. HEY, GARY SANCHEZ, WHEN YOU
GOING TO COME HIT THIS OUT THE PARK?
HEY GREGORIUS, YOU CAN ROUND MY BASES ANY TIME BECAUSE YOU ARE
GREG-GORGEOUS. I AM A DIE HARD FAN, COLIN.
LOOK AT THIS PIC, OF ME, AT THE GAME.
THERE IS GARY SANCHEZ AT ME. AND THERE IS ME LOOKING AT THAT
ASS. CALL ME, GARY.
THAT NET CAN'T KEEP US APART. NOT FOR LONG.
>> WELL, YOU MUST HAVE BEEN PRETTY UPSET THEN WHEN THE
YANKEES LOST IN THE ALCS TO THE ASTROS.
>> OH, COLIN! WE WERE SO CLOSE.
ONE GAME AWAY FROM THE WORLD SERIES.
COLIN, HAVE YOU EVER GOTTEN SO CLOSE TO SOMETHING ONLY TO HAVE
IT TAKEN FROM YOU? >> I DON'T KNOW.
>> YEAH. THAT'S CAUSE YOU WHITE.
YOU GET EVERY DAMN DAMN THING. BUT I WAS MAD AS HELL.
OKAY? THAT LITTLE ALTUVE HIT ALL THOSE
HOME RUNS AGAINST US. THE BAT IS BIGGER THAN HIM.
AND GEORGE SPRINGER IS PANAMIAN AND PUERTO RICO.
HIS NAME IS GEORGE SPRINGER. THAT'S THE NAME OF A GOOFY
MATTRESS SALESMAN. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> EXCUSE ME. HOW IS THAT?
WHAT WAS THAT? LET ME KNOW.
>> FROM THE HOUSTON ASTROS, GEORGE SPRINGER, ALEX BREGMAN,
JOSE ALTUVE. >> PEARLS.
>> SINCE WE ALREADY KNOW THAT YOU DON'T ACTUALLY WATCH
BASEBALL, WE WOULD REALLY LIKE TO GIVE YOU A GIFT TODAY.
>> OKAY. YOU CAN GIVE ME ANYTHING YOU
WANT. >> THIS IS AM ASTROS SWAG SO YOU
CAN HOP ON THE BAND WAGON, TOO. >> OH, WHATEVER.
>> HOW DO YOU LIKE IT? >> OH, I LIKE BALLS.
>> I LOVE IT. I LOVE IT.
>> FUNNY, BECAUSE ACTUALLY LESLIE WAS --
>> SHUT UP, COLIN. I KNOW WHAT I SAID, BUT THESE
MEN ARE FINE AS HELL. OH, I'LL TAKE IT ALL BACK.
CONGRATULATIONS YOU GUYS. I LOVED WATCHING YOU ALL WIN.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] YES.
I THOUGHT IT WAS SO SWEET THAT CORREA PROPOSED TO HIS
GIRLFRIEND AFTER THE GAME. IT LOOK LIKE THIS DUDE IS ON ONE
KNEE RIGHT NOW. >> IT'S NOT JOSE'S FAULT HE'S
SHORT. >> OH, THAT'S OKAY.
COME HERE BABY, LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.
YEAH. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> WOO. NOW, THIS IS NOT SOMETHING I
USUALLY SAY AT ALL. I MEAN, NEVER.
BUT GOOD THINGS DO COME IN SMALL PACKAGES.
>> LESLIE JONES AND THE WORLD CAMP ON HOUSTON ASTROS.
FOR WEEKEND UPDATE I'M COLIN JOSE.
>> I'M MICHAEL CHE. GOOD NIGHT.