One of the most basic facts about the human condition is that we know ourselves from the inside?
But we know others only from what they choose or are able to tell us a far more limited an edited set of data
We are continuously and intimately exposed to our own worries hopes desires and memories many of which feel
Overwhelmingly intense strange vulnerable, or sad yet when it comes to other people
We're tightly restricted to knowing them through their public pronouncements to what they can or choose to reveal
The hints and clues we're left to play with are hugely imperfect guides to the reality of another person's existence
The result of what we termed this psychological
Asymmetry is that we almost always think of ourselves as far more peculiar
Shameful and alarming than other people we run into our
experiences of anxiety anger Envy sex and distress
Appear to be so much more intense and disturbing than those of anyone in the vicinity
We art of course in truth really so odd. We just know a lot more about who we are
The results of psychological asymmetry are loneliness and shyness
We are beset by loneliness because we cannot imagine that others long and desire
Envy and hate crave and weep as we do we feel ourselves cast out into a world of strangers
Inherently different from everyone we live alongside and potentially fundamentally offensive to all those who might know us properly
it appears in dark moments that no one could possibly both know and
like us
We also get shy easily intimidated by people who we assume cannot share in our vulnerabilities
And whom we imagine would be entirely unable to relate to the petty
grand perverse or idealistic thoughts that pass moment by moment through our minds if
We reach important positions
We feel like imposters beset by an impression that our quirks separate us from others who have occupied
comparable roles in the past
We grow boring and conventional mimicking the externals of other people on the false assumption that this is what they might truly be like inside
The solutions to psychological asymmetry lie in two places art and love
art provides us with accurate portrayals of the inner lives of strangers and
With Grace and compelling charm shows us how much they share in troubles and hopes we thought we might be alone in
experiencing and love gives us an occasional deeply precious sense of security to
Reveal who we really are to another person and the opportunity to learn about their reality from a position of extreme
secure proximity
To overcome the effects of psychological asymmetry we must constantly trust especially in the absence of any evidence
That everyone is likely to be far closer to what we are that is far
Shyer more scared more worried and more incomplete than they are to resemble the personas
They show to the world we are
Fortunately not any of us quite as odd or quite as special as we might assume or fear
At the School of Life we believe in developing emotional intelligence
To that end we've also created a whole range of products to support that growth
Find out more at the link on the screen now