Yesterday was day two
of the Democratic National Convention, and
we're gonna tell you why Joe Biden
had a party in a children's library,
why this man is holding a plate of calamari,
and why Kamala Harris isn't really Black.
So let's do this, people.
Welcome to The Daily Social Distancing Show.
-♪ ♪ -ANNOUNCER: From Trevor's couch in New York City
to your couch somewhere in the world,
The Daily Social Distancing Show presents:
Last night was the halfway point of the all-virtual
Democratic National Convention, and the night began
with the convention's keynote address.
Now, traditionally, the keynote is given by one speaker
who goes on to either become president
or the grandpa you hide from company.
But this year, the keynote
was delivered by 17 people,
which actually gave exposure to a broader range
of the party's rising stars
whilst also capitalizing on everyone's
deep fondness for getting trapped
on an endless facetime call.
And it wasn't just the keynote that was switched up
for this new online format.
The traditional roll call also saw a major change
and, in my opinion, it was for the better.
Because, normally, when each state announces which candidate
will be receiving their delegates, it's just
a bunch of people shouting in an arena while
wearing the world's dumbest hats.
But this year they mixed things up
and they did roll call from a picturesque
or meaningful location in each state.
And I got to say, I-I thought this was
a much more interesting way to do it.
I mean, you got to see people
in front of cows or on the beach
or locked outside their house.
And while many of the people in the videos were party activists,
some recognizable faces popped up, too,
like Amy Klobuchar, representing Minnesota
from the banks of the Mississippi River,
or Mayor Pete Buttigieg, beaming in live
from Men in Black headquarters.
And my favorite, by far, was watching everyone
try and hype up their states.
Ohio casts 20 votes for Senator Bernie Sanders
and 134 votes for the next president,
Joe Biden.
-O.H.! -I.O!
Tennessee became the 36th and deciding state
to ratify the 19th Amendment,
granting women the right to vote.
Tennessee casts 23 votes for Bernie Sanders
and 50 votes for our next president of the United States,
-(cheering) -Mr. Joseph R. Biden!
And our state ap... appetizer, calamari,
is available in all 50 states.
The Calamari Comeback State of Rhode Island
casts one vote for Bernie Sanders
and 34 votes for the next president,
Joe Biden.
Okay, first of all, it is so awesome
that Rhode Island has a state appetizer.
I mean, technically, New York has one, too,
but it's that liquid that drips off a building
into your mouth by accident. Yeah.
I never look up to see where it comes from,
because as long as you don't know,
there's still a chance that it's just water, man.
Please let it be water. Jesus, let it be water.
But the thing about the Rhode Island guy
is he could totally be making up this calamari thing
and nobody knows enough about Rhode Island to call him on it.
I mean, he could have said "Rhode Island is the only state
where Shaquille O'Neal can legally own a convertible"
and I would've been like, "Oh, that's cool.
I didn't know that."
But, in general, I loved everything about this roll call.
It was like state Tinder.
Although, it also proves America has no business
being one country.
I mean, you've got Tennessee proudly mentioning their role
in women's suffrage, and then Rhode Island being like,
"We have bomb-ass appetizers."
Now, the whole night wasn't just
a fascinating tour of American seafood.
There were also speeches from Jill Biden,
Bill Clinton, Colin Powell,
and a quick appearance from A.O.C.
In a time when millions of people in the United States
are looking for deep,
systemic solutions to our crises of mass evictions,
unemployment, and lack of health care,
en el espíritu del pueblo and out of a love for all people,
I hereby second the nomination
of Senator Bernard Sanders of Vermont
for president of the United States of America.
Okay, okay, now, I know what you're thinking:
I know what you're thinking. You're thinking
A.O.C. snubbed Joe Biden at his own convention.
And I get why you might think that,
because a bunch of media outlets,
who should know better,
tried to make it seem like that's what went down.
But the truth is that this was
exactly what was supposed to happen. All right?
By the rules of the Democratic Party, any candidate
who wins enough delegates-- like Bernie Sanders did--
gets nominated at the convention as a way to remind them
that they lost in front of the entire country.
But, look, I think it makes sense that a lot of people
didn't know the rules about the Democratic convention.
And if you didn't know the rules and you saw what A.O.C. did,
you would be confused.
I mean, that happens with any situation.
Imagine if you had never been to a wedding before, right?
And then, on your wedding day,
the priest went through the rituals.
You could also get confused with that.
Does anyone have here any reason
why these two should not be married?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Should not be mar...
Are you trying to sabotage my shit?
Sir, it's just a tradition.
A tradition of some bullshit.
I'm not paying the deposit. This guy's trying to ask people
for a reason I'm... You know her mama's got a reason.
I don't want people talking about reasons.
But the night's big moment was when Joe Biden
officially became the Democratic nominee.
And for reasons I don't understand,
the DNC also made it the weirdest moment.
("Celebration" by Kool & The Gang playing)
(cheering, whooping, applause)
-♪ It's time to come together ♪ -Well, thank you very, very much
-from the bottom of my heart. -♪ It's up to you... ♪
-Thank you all. It means the world -♪ What's your pleasure ♪
to me and my family.
-And I'll see you on Thursday. -♪ Everyone around the world ♪
-Thank you, thank you, thank you. -♪ Come on! ♪
What.
The hell.
Was that?
The music, the basement library,
the cheap party decorations.
I thought the Democrats had millions of dollars for this.
Why did it feel like the grand opening
of a used Kia dealership?
Like, did they blow all their money on the calamari?
And by the way, I don't know whose idea this was,
but you can't be jumping out from behind Joe Biden like that.
The man is 77 years old.
You're trying to send him to the White House, not the hospital.
I mean, I get that they had to adapt because of corona,
but there must be a middle ground between packed arena
and basement school library.
A school library isn't where
you accept a presidential nomination.
It's where you go to have lunch when you don't have any friends.
Before we go, I wanted to remind you
that there are a lot of groups right now out there
who are working hard to protect and advance voting rights
for the elections in November.
One of those organizations
is the Alliance for Youth Organizing,
which is a national network of local youth-led organizations
mobilizing people to vote. If you can help them,
and you would like to join in their cause,
then please visit the link below,
and donate whatever you can.