When couples lose desire or interest in their partner, many times they'll blame
that they don't have enough time in the bedroom. This may be part of the problem,
but the problem is more complex than that.
After all, sex is only one type of intimacy.
Today on Reaction Reset, I'm going to talk to you about five types of intimacy,
and why practicing them is crucial to your relationship.
When couples are first together, they explore things together, and they're alive
with their feelings of connection with each other. But as you stay married and
you have kids, have financial concerns or struggles at work, there's less
communicating between the couple. When they come home, they're exhausted and
they're busy. So what ends up happening is more pressure is put on the sexual
connection. One partner feeling urgent and a need for it
and rejected, the other partner feeling used or that they're only there for one
thing. This causes tension within the relationship. That tension goes on to
create more arguments, more conflict, and soon neither partner is interested in
sexual or other types of intimacy anymore. Intimacy, not sex, is the glue of
a long-term loving relationship. Today, I'm going to talk about five different
types of intimacy. I encourage you to talk with your partner to begin
practicing the other forms of intimacy. The reason is because you'll start
noticing your feelings change towards your partner. You're going to want to start
hanging out together more, and with that you're going to spark your relationship -
the physical/sexual part as well as the emotional connection. The first one is
experiential intimacy. This is taking the time to experience things together.
It can be as simple as a hike or sitting on the park bench and talking, or it can be
as exotic as taking a trip abroad or going bungee jumping. It's not what you
do together, it's that what you decide to do together you do without distractions
(and that means phones or kids). Second type is emotional intimacy. This
means you feel safe to be vulnerable and share what you're feeling, and you're not
going to be judged or criticized or looked down upon by your partner. This is your
partner's ability to sit with you, be present with you while you cry, and still
be a supportive mate. Basically, couples who don't have this part developed well
in their relationship are at a higher risk of divorce. Emotional
intimacy is the main glue of all intimacy for the relationship. The third
type is intellectual intimacy. This is very important because many couples
overlook this; but it's the ability for couples to share interesting books
or even magazines, or going to movies that one of the partners
finds exciting and talking to their partner about that. When you have this
type of intimacy shared on an intellectual level, you're going to add
excitement into the relationship as well as personal growth. It's very important.
The next one is spiritual intimacy. This one is something as powerful as
witnessing a miraculous event together - whatever that is for the couple - and
actually being able to share it. It's the ability for the couple to wrap their
minds around doing something or creating something that's contributes to
something bigger than they are - whether it's a project they work on together or
practicing the same faith together. Spiritual intimacy bonds the
relationship and keeps it tight. The fifth one is physical intimacy. This is
not the same as sexual intimacy, but this is the ability to be affectionate to touch a
partner - to hug them, to touch the back of their neck when they're driving - it's the
little things that couples do to demonstrate their presence. Following
this is obviously the sixth form of intimacy, which is sexual intimacy.
This is not to be neglected because it's a very important part and, in fact, it is
the absolute most intimate you can possibly be with your partner. Although TV makes you think this is all people
want, I rarely see this in my practice. In fact, what I see more is that sexual
intimacy is enhanced when the other intimacies are combined with it. It
basically is the format of what every human being wants - to be loved, to feel
exclusive to another person, to feel as if we're connected and we matter to
someone we hold in high regard.
Remember, change your reaction, change your world.