hey guys welcome back thanks for joining me for another video so in this week's
video I wanted to talk about why people fear change and how to really handle
change when it comes up because it's going to come up whether it's good
change that you wanted to have happen and you're making the choice to have
this change you know take place in your life or something bad that's happened
and something that you didn't expect to happen but it's happening and we have to
kind of roll with the punches so to start off I think it's important to kind
of go to the beginning with this and start with our minds how our minds
work because when you understand how your mind really works how your brain
works then it's easy to understand why we do some of the things that we do as
we're growing up our core beliefs of how we think the world should be how life
should go are developed so you can call it your blueprint you can call it
programming it's where our core beliefs are actually formed and this is why they
say when children are young that they're adaptable and that change comes very
that they do well with change and it comes easy to them because their core
beliefs their blueprint is still being set in stone it hasn't their
subconscious is still wide open and is still taking in information when we
become adults that door kind of is closed right so if this is why they say
it's harder to teach an old dog new tricks so when we're children were more
adaptable we're more flexible because our blueprint is still being made when
we're adults our blueprint has already been formed so to speak so to change
that it's doable but it's a lot harder to do and we fight that change another
way a core belief can be formed either as an adult or as a child is by an
experience so either an experience or repetition of someone verbally saying
something to you over and over again causes a core belief so if something
really abusive happened to you an experience maybe once that was really
traumatic or even if it happened over and over again you're going to form some
kind of a belief based off of that experience and it's the same thing with
record tition so if you were around you know a
mother or sister and uncle that constantly every single day told you you
a worthless didn't listen to you didn't validate you you know didn't see you
didn't have empathy for you whatever it was you're gonna have a core belief
based off of that behavior based off of that repetition or you're gonna have a
core belief of what you think of yourself
so maybe the I'm not enough phrase is played over and over again in your mind
and you have low self-esteem and low confidence because the repetition over
and over by the people that you had surrounded yourself with as a child were
was was a negative story that they were giving you so now if you were programmed
to have a belief that you should be married by the time you're 30 that you
should have kids at this age that you need to make this much money in order to
be successful that you know all men are pigs or all women are gold diggers
whatever the belief is and it can be a lot of different beliefs but when you
have these beliefs and then life doesn't match that belief that's where we get
depressed that's where we become fearful that's where we become stressed is
because life isn't mirroring what I had in my mind as a blueprint as the way
life should go and that is huge for me that was absolutely huge because when I
realized wow a lot of my suffering actually came from the fact that I was
telling myself this story and of the way life should be that I should be married
and I should have these kids and I should do this and this and this and
when life didn't mirror that experience and when changed happened you know like
I was getting divorced or if I lost a job or just something that happened that
was out of my control and it didn't mirror this blueprint that I had laid
out for myself that's when I became fearful that's when I became stressed
that's where we get anxiety that's where we get depression it's when all of these
things start to happen is when the blueprint of our lives doesn't match the
reality so the next reason is your ego does not like uncertainty and this is
again really important information because you have to understand why
you're fighting something so bad you're fighting it because of the
blueprint that you have that you know life isn't marrying what you want you
wanted to have happen and number two is your ego doesn't accept change and wants
to keep you comfortable it doesn't want you venturing out it's gonna tell you
all the reasons why this good change that's happening is bad for you and that
you shouldn't take this opportunity or why you know even this change that you
didn't want to have happen is happening and what are all the terrible things
that are gonna go wrong because you know someone's leaving you or you know a
company is getting bankrupt and now you have to switch jobs and this is why this
is one of the biggest reasons why amongst other reasons why people stay
stuck in relationships for way longer than they should
aside from self worth and self respect and all of those things um it's this
it's this fear of the unknown it's this fear of change happening that forces
people to stay stuck in relationships it's it forces people to stay stuck in
jobs that they hate every single day because they fear change they just fear
that little tiny step that it would take to just get out of their comfort zone
and they're allowing their ego to play over and over again all the things that
are gonna go wrong and how you know they're never gonna find another job and
they're not capable and they're not good enough and you know you need to stay
where you are because you're very comfortable and you know you have this
salary or you're comfortable in this relationship and yep it's not everything
you would want it to be but you know what at least you have a partner and
you're not single these are the stories that you're telling yourself and it's
because that might that part of your mind that ego part is caught is forcing
you to stay stuck because it doesn't like change it doesn't want you to grow
human beings and human beings are programmed we are creatures of habit so
most of us I'm sure wake up every day and we have a routine of what we do
everyday we wake up we hit snooze five times or we wake up and we make
ourselves a cup of coffee and then we go take a shower and then we do that I mean
we're creatures of habit and when you become a creature of habit when change
happens especially when change happens that you didn't see coming and it's
unexpected it is going to knock you off your game
because again it was unexpected you weren't going really with the flow of
life and embracing every single day you were very fixated and on like this is
the way life goes and this is what I do and when something comes and kind of
knocks you out you know a change happens cuz it's going to happen because that's
life we sometimes don't know how to handle it when life happens and
something hits us and we didn't expect it coming and now it's here and it's
forcing us to move even though we didn't want to move we were nice and
comfortable in our own little world and now change is going to happen you know
what do we do and one of the things that is really
necessary is you have to you just have to embrace it the more you fight it the
more you try to go against it the worse you're going to end up being and it's
perfectly fine to mourn you know the loss of something whether that's a job
or that that's a relationship whether that's whatever the transition is even
good change we sometimes mourn the loss you know when we get married sometimes
we fear obviously the unknown of that relationship but we are also you know
mourning the loss of our single selves there's a part of us that was by
ourselves for a while and now we're going into this relationship and things
are changing and yes it's good change but it's still scary and it makes us
fearful at times but when it's good change we tend to still embrace it in
some way shape or form and ride the wave and we have to learn how to do that with
change that happens in our lives that is unexpected that maybe we didn't even
want to have happen we have to learn how to embrace that and the first way to
really embrace it is to say you know what even though this isn't what I
wanted to have happen I'm going to really look at what are the positives
that could come out of this situation and for me when I was getting divorced
and I was going through that transition and I was about to be a single mother
and I was you know getting divorced and my child is very very young I had a lot
of transitions happening in terms of selling a house and you know moving and
having no friends and family nearby and being by myself
many many transitions and one of the things that really got me through it as
I said you know what this is an opportunity this is a second chance and
it got me so excited for life that I was able to embrace any or not even embraced
but really let go of any fear or self-doubt or worry or stress that I had
of course I had stressful times of course there were nights that were like
really terrifying but what allowed me to really move through that feeling was the
excitement the excitement that I was given a second chance I was given an
opportunity that I would have never had had I stayed in that marriage and in
that relationship and even though I didn't want the divorce to happen at the
time I'm so thankful that it happened and even in those brief moments of like
sadness and stress and worry and all those normal feelings that come up
because I'm a human being as well but what what allowed me to really let go of
all of that was again that feeling of wow I can do this all over again I can
work on myself I can focus on just me and my son I can create whatever life I
ever wanted to have happen and there are people that are watching this video that
are in you know tougher situations whether you were financially dependent
on someone or whether you've been with someone for like 35 years and each
situation is different but try to look at the blessing I would try to look at
what the positives are gonna be with this change happening that maybe you
didn't ask for but that's happening regardless one of the other reasons why
sometimes we fear change and I think that this happens really really often is
we we have a lack in trusting ourselves so a lot of the times when change
happens and it's something that we didn't want to have happen but it's
taking place we don't trust life and when you don't trust life and that even
though something is happening that you didn't want to have happen that it's
actually in your best interest and it's for your higher good when you don't
trust the process when you don't trust life like that that means that you don't
trust yourself that means that you don't trust that you're gonna be okay that
means that you don't trust that this is your opportunity to take responsibility
for your life and do whatever you want and create whatever
life you want so when you don't trust the process when you don't trust life
even when life cut you at your knees and you were perfectly happy the way you are
and now everything is all over the place and you have to start all over again
believe me when I tell you I know what that feels like and it's not an easy
thing to go through but I will say that if you can see the blessing if you can
see bits and pieces of the positive that is gonna come out of this situation and
if you trust the process and if you trust life and you trust yourself and
know that regardless of what happens I'm gonna be okay and I will get through
this and repeating that over and over again that will get you through a lot of
tough times now when we don't trust life and we don't trust the process and we
think that life is out to get us or you know God's not listening to us or you
know what did we do wrong then we become a victim and when we become a victim
we're again not seeing the positives of a situation and don't get me wrong
sometimes it's hard to see the positives when you're struggling and when you're
you know you've just lost your job or you've just lost your savings or your
husband just left you or whatever the situation is there are gonna be tough
days there's gonna be stressful days there's gonna be days where you're like
why is this happening to me that's normal to feel those feelings and
I'm validating those feelings and I even validated them for myself but what
allowed me to not stay stuck in that feeling was I knew I was being a victim
I knew that regardless of whatever I was going through even the toughest day that
I was being a victim and that there was a blessing of this tough day and when
the blessing was is that those tough days and those tough moments allowed me
to become a stronger person and again in the midst of those days I would have
handed over all of that strength to just have an easy day but now when you get
through and you're on the other side you see that everything had to happen the
way it did in order for you to be the person that you are
today so all of those tough days that I had to go through and the days where I
just was crying or I was struggling or whatever it is that I was experiencing I
had to go through that because I had to experience that in order to build that
strength within myself if you never experienced hard times first of all you
won't be able to be equipped for when life really knocks you down at your
knees and that's gonna happen and I'm sure we all know those people where you
know something happens to them and it's not catastrophic it's not the craziest
thing in the world and they don't know how to handle it and it's because they
haven't built that muscle within themselves and then we see other people
that have gone through ridiculously crazy terrible things in life and they
still wake up every single day with a smile on their face I mean it's because
they have worked that muscle for so long they had to overcome so much they've had
to get out of their comfort zone time and time again they've had to look fear
in the face and say I have to keep moving I can't be fearful I have to just
get out of my comfort zone and push myself further and further every single
day until I get through this transition it's really like going to war last thing
is in order to really let go of the fear of the unknown you have to let go of
control you have to let go of needing to know when something's gonna happen how
it's gonna happen you know having the troll over every single moment and it
goes back to what I said you have to trust the process work hard every single
day to do what you need to do to make that change happen whether you're making
the change happen yourself and you're going after the job you've always wanted
or you know you're working on yourself to create like healthy relationships in
your life whatever it is but you have to let go of all need of control and that
control comes again from that ego comes from that ego side of you is that you
don't need to control how things are gonna happen in your life if you just
work every single day on pushing yourself through all the fear through
all the worry and the stress that might come out because this change is
happening and you just keep pushing through
all those hard days all those terrible moments that you might have to
experience when you get on the other side you will realize that wow I didn't
need to I didn't need to try to have so much control over how this was gonna
happen or when it was gonna happen it just happens
that's why I always say just focus on yourself just worry about yourself don't
worry about the win don't worry about the how just know that whatever it is
that you want for yourself you absolutely can create so I hope that
that has helped you guys understand fear and the fear of change a little bit
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well if you are interested in any private coaching I will list all of that
information down below and I will see you next week