*WHOOPOSH!* TOP OF THE MORNIN' TO YA LADDIES MY NAME IS JACKSEPTICEYE
and welcome to "Irish Time With Jack."
There's a lot of the people out there, a lot of the time who've been asking
"Is Jack really Irish or is it just put on for videos, for views, for subs, for likes, for comedy,"
and as if you couldn't tell by how pasty white my skin is,
but as if you couldn't tell by how pasty white my skin is
yes I am Irish! A hundred percent born and bred in this country
Yes I am Irish, a hundred percent born and bred in this country
and I'm fucking proud of it dammit!
and I'm fucking proud of it damnit! Even though I'm like the most non-Irish person ever, so!
Even though I'm like the most non-Irish person ever SO
I got something that's gonna help us be as Irish as possible.
I got something that's gonna help us be as Irish as possible
I got a massive book, full of feckin' Irish slang that's great craic for any shower of savages
I got a MASSIVE book full of FECKIN' Irish slang,
"That's Great Craic For Any Shower Of Savages."
So, we're going to look through this and we're going to look up some Irish slang words,
and we're gonna try and explain through them, and by the end of this video, we're all going to be Irish!
and we're gonna try and explain through them and by the end of this video we're all going to be Irish
Um, so, to get in the mood we got a little somethin' somethin', so first
you gotta get your beer I am here drinking my favourite beer called *voice over brand name* ALCOHOL
I am here drinking my favorite beer called my favorite beer called *mouthing "Coors"* ALCOHOL.
So to get in any Irish mood, you gotta drink
So to get in any Irish mood you gotta drink.
Oh by jesus thats good!
Oh my jesus that's good!
and secondly, after you get your alcohol, any good Irish person needs tea bags
And secondly, after you get your alcohol, any good Irish person needs tea bags,
so you sprinkle your tea bags and you pray to the tea gods that you will be as Irish as possible
so you sprinkle your tea bags and you pray to the tea gods that you will be as Irish as possible.
Now, has everybody got their whiskey?!
Put your babies in your prams and give them their feckin' soothers and we're getting into this.
put your babies in your prams and give them their feckin' soothers and we're gettin' into this
um, ok, the book has a f*cking sleeve on the outside of it, I dunno why, I hate those
Um, okay, the book has a f*cking sleeve on the outside of it.
I don't know why, I hate those.
Probably to keep the rain off it!
As any Irish thing would say.
So, we're gonna just flick through and find a random thing. Um, right....
We're gonna just flick through and find a random thing
um
Right *adorable laughter*
*laughs*
The first page I went to had Jack at the top of it
The first page I went to had "Jack" at the top of it, and it said,
and it said: Dubliner, tradesmen in Dublin are so shite they're called Jack's of all trades
"Dubliner; tradesmen in Dublin are so shite they're called Jacks Of All Trades."
That's not Irish, they call them Jacks Of All Trades everywhere!
That's not Irish! They call them Jack's of all trades everywhere!
Here's a good one you hear from time to time; "gas."
Gas.
Not- not smelly gas that you think coming out of your arsehole or a pipe in the ceiling.
Not smelly gas that you'd think, comin' out of your arsehole or a pipe in the ceiling
Nothing like that. Gas is something that's funny
Nothin' like that. Gas is something that's funny.
"Aye, sure jesus, that's a gas lad over there, isn't it?"
Say it with me now: Gas, gas lad, aw jaesus you're a gassin' yolk (yolk can mean pretty much anything in Irish)
Say it with me now,
"Gas, gas lad. Oh Jees, you're a gas yoke!" *laughs*
*coughs*
Gas means, "amusing, funny, or hilarious.
*books definition* gas means amusing funny or hilarious
"It was gas when Cormac broke his collarbone."
eg. It was gas when Cormac broke his collarbone
Tha- that's funny.
that- that's funny
Someone breaking their collarbone that's- that's Irish.
*laughs*
God I haven't heard any of these words in so long, oh!
God, I haven't heard any of these words in so long!
Oh, "geebag"! Jeesh, you're an awful old geebag aren't ya?
Geebag! Jaes you're an awful ol' geebag aren't ya
"Woman of unpleasant character" is what you call a geebag.
*book definition* Woman of unpleasant character
is what you'd call a geebag, eg. My wife's a right geebag
"My wife's a right geebag!"
So you're walking down the street with your fellow mates
and you're walking down after having a pint and you're like,
and you're walking down after having a pint and you're like jaesus she's a right ol' geebag isn't she?
"Jaysus, she's a right ol' geebag, isn't she?"
*laughs*
Oh, God! Also at the top of this page is "gawk," or to stare at somethin'.
Also at the top of this page is gawk, or "to stare at something"
If you're gonna, don't be going gawking now, I see ya gawkin'
If you're gonna- don't be goin' gawkin' now. I see ya gawkin'.
Pointin' is also bad, but gawking is worse.
Of course, the base of learning any culture is to learn how to, like, introduce yourself to them.
Because it's all about mannerisms, it's all about body language, it's all about going up-
I know a lot of people think that we just go up, drink,
and then punch each other in the face, and that's how Irish people say hello.
But there's more to it.
You have to go up and you have to say, "How're ye?"
Cause that just means hello or hi.
In other languages would be "How are you?",
but the Irish are SO evolved and so evolutionarily smart,
that we just shorten it all down to "How're ye? How's it goin'? Are ye well?
Jaysus, story horse!" That's probably in there as well.
That's advanced, that's- by the end we get to that, but first you say "how're ye"?
Hello or hi. "How're ye, ya big bollocks?"
Say it with me now, "How're ye, ya big bollocks?"
Very good! Pen Pineapple Apple Pen.
After you say how're ye, there's two--
there's a bunch of ways that you could go about that.
You could go up and say, "How she cuttin'?"
That just means, "How is life, my good friend?"
How she cuttin'? You go, "Jaysus Peter, how're ye?"
"How she cuttin'? Are you well? How- how's the missus?"
(Indecipherable Irish sounds)
"See ya' later!"
That- That's Irish right there.
"How is life, my good friend?"
"How she cuttin', Your Honour?"
You wouldn't say that to Your Honour.
Well, I guess if you're out and if you're
out in f*ckin' Sean's bar at the weekend
and then you go around and you get in
trouble, then you'd be like "Oh, how's she cuttin', your honor?"
Cause you'd be in trouble. BUT ALSO
coming off "how's she cuttin'", and "how're ye",
then
well sometimes you can just go up and
say, "Well." "Well". Just well instead
of how're ye. But also you say "How's the
craic?!" (said like "crack") That's a very Irish thing.
Having the craic, how's the craic,
where's the craic, (Cengshkale? Halp pls) Again, that's
advanced. But how's the craic just means
how're you, or what's
happenin'? And it's spelled craic, C-R-A-I-C
You see what I mean? Craic just means
fun.
I mean craic, craic is just having the
laugh. Just getting out there and having
the craic. You go out on the weekends and you
have a few drinks, a few pints, with your
mates, and you have the craic. That's
what it's all about!
A bit of f*ckin' ceol, a bit of seisiún (Irish traditional music)
And then, God I'm getting even more Irish as the f*ckin' video
goes on. *Takes swig* Oh jees, that's mighty.
"I will in me arse." I will in me arse or I will in
me bollocks or I will in me hole. That
just means you absolutely refuse to do
what you suggest
so if you're like, "Hey Jack, will you play
more episodes of Happy Wheels?" And I'll say
"I will in me hole." That kind of thing. You
know what I mean? You're just saying no,
basically. But I will in me arse. I will in
me hole. I will in me fuckin' (dramatic pause) bollocks.
Now you've probably heard me say this a lot
in this video already. You've probably heard me
say it in other videos as well. But that's
"Jaysus." Now, we're saying Jesus but we're
saying it in the way that the Irish would
say it because, again, we are evolved, we
are descended from POTATOES, so we are
carved out of potatoes from the hillsides
so we have (high pitched voice) a funny way of saying things.
We drag out vowels all the time. So instead of
just saying Jesus we say "JAAAAAYSUS. Ah, good
Jaysus, Jaysus Christ almighty! Lord above
Jaysus and his blessed saints.
Holy Mary Mother of God! Ah, Jaysus you
puked in me pint!" That's also a very
common thing that you gonna hear in
Ireland because these are things that
you come if you just want to hang around
Ireland and you just want to see what
the places are like you go over you say
"Hello Mr. Sheep!!" and you go over and you pet a
cow and then you come in to fuckin' "Sean Og's"
Or you go into the um, ah the come on in
And then you're just like, "Ah, Jaysus. Give me a pint
there now Peter, will ya?
Good man yourself. What is it, fourty
Euro? Jaysus pints have gone up a lot!"
See what I mean? You just work it into your
language like that and it just comes out
naturally. And then, if something goes
wrong you say, "I'll kick the shite out of ya'!"
Not--
Not, "I'll kick the shit out of you,
friend! I will kick the shit out of you
compatriot!" No, "BY JAYSUS
I'm gonna kick the SHITE out of ya'!!"
You did something awful, you did something
fucking hard. I want to watch Coronation
Street but what did you do?? No, you changed
the channel over to fuckin' Fair City.
No, I'll kick the SHITE out of ya'! *aggressive pointing*
*deep sigh* *irish song starts* This one is near and dear to my heart
because as you may or may not
know, I'm right-handed when I write stuff
but I'm left-footed when I kick stuff.
Whenever I go out and I kick a football
I'm left-footed. I know a lot of people
will be like, "How the hell do you kick
with your left foot?" But it's not as uncommon
as you'd think it is. But over here we call
them ciotógs. If you do anything with
your left
it means you're a ciotóg because i
think that means left. Not sure, again
"Worlds world irishman" (we love you anyways, Jack) Um, but that's
left-handed or a clumsy person that we
always get a bad rap because people
think that left handed or left footed people
call them ciotógs all the time, that
we're just a mess! That when we do stuff we're
not doing it well. Well you know what? I
can kick a football. I can kick a fuckin'
football better than you can, Shane (Yeah Shane, we're sick of your shite).
Yeah, oh I know. Remember that time? Oh
you fuckin' do *Drinks in Irish*
Now if you want to sound really good when you're ordering
a drink, a lot of people go in and when they're
asking for Stouts, they're always like--
Or Guinness, we'll use Guinness as
an example
Oh! I know it well, oh the best Irish drink
there is.
*sorta quietly* I don't really like Guinness, *back to loud* but when you
go in and you order a Guinness, you don't go in and
say, "A pint of Guinness, my good man!" *posh voice*
No, because you wouldn't say it like that
because an Irishman wouldn't say that.
Pint o' Guinness! I mean, sometimes
you would, but you go in and you say "A pint of da
black stuff!" Ohhhhh, now that's how you
know a proper Irishman! You walk in,
sure your skin might not be as white as
the fuckin' full moon like mine is, or as
white as a pint of milk, but if
you go in and say, "Hey, give us a
pint of the black stuff," and if you say
"SHTUFF" instead of "STUFF" then you're
definitely Irish! Oh sure you're out from
the wesht (west) Ireland then if you go in and
ask for a pint o' da black shtuff. And then
they'll be like, "Jaysus, I thought you were
like from I thought you were from South
America, but NO! He said that like a true
Irishman." GLORY! (arstotzka?) You know how some
people say you're the "bee's knees"?
You'll be walkin' around and you do something
really cool like you throw a frisbee
through a gap in the fence and then
everyone's like, "Jees, he's the bee's
knees!"
Yeah, but over here in Ireland we'd say you're the "dog's
bollocks." That's a better one, isn't it?
The bee's knees sounds cool but
everyone's like, "Why would being a
bee's knees be cool?" Being the dogs bollocks would
be fuckin' cool! That's what's really
cool. You walk in and you like kick off
your shoes at the end of the day and they
fly over and they land on the press (a kitchen cupboard) in a
perfect position! You're like "Jees, I'm the
dog's bollocks, aren't I?"
Here it says, "The dog's bollocks:
first-rate, perfect, genuine. 'That gobshite
with the Rottweiler thinks he's the
dog's bollocks'." Now I know I'm trying to
amalgamate words here.
Gobshite was in there as well. A gobshite
is just a feckin' eejit, or an idiot.
Something like that. If you're a
gobshite then you're not a smart man.
You're, "Jees, you're a cute hoor (meaning scoundrel). Oh look at that
oh, you cute little cunt, ya. Yeah,
you're a gobshite altogether." See,
over here we use insults as a term of
endearment. A lot of people out there
they say terrible words and it cuts
deep. Some cultures
don't like words like that.
*music cuts* Yeah, you go out and you say certain
things and people get very VERY upset.
But over here in Ireland it's like, "Ahh, you
cute little hoor, ya'. Oh, look at that little
bollocks over there!
Oh ya' cute little cunt ya'!" See, it works better.
And then we don't get in trouble for it
because we're cute.. There's reasons--
um, realizing that there's a lot of
slang based around either insults or
drinking
Um, so this is DEFINITELY an Irish book.
And we're gonna end on a hard one! Because this is one that'll
be misinterpreted a lot and that's the
word "nippy." Now if you were to think--what
would you think "nippy" means? *Coughs in Irish* Yeah see,
you're probably thinking that nippy just
means it's cold, and that's right.
There's a nip in the air, it's fierce
nippy out, and your rubbing your
nipples cause it's fierce nippy. And
that is what it would be, "Nippy: cold. Her arse
must be a bit nippy wearing that skirt."
And it probably is, cause she's out at the disco and she's
out a fuckin' friday night and she
thinks she's all that and a bag of chips.
But you know what? Sometimes practicality
has to kick in. Ireland's not a nice
place.
It's very cold all the time, especially
at night-time when you come out of the pub at
04:00 in the morning. But no, it's gonna be
fierce nippy, so you don't wear a skirt too
short. But also, nippy also means agile
and fast. So something is fierce nippy, me
little honda 50, she's rapid and she's
nifty. You nip across the place.
Something that's really nippy is fast. "Nippy:
fast, agile. Her arse must be a bit nippy
wearing...that...skirt..." It just gives the same
explanation for both. *Shouting in Irish* That does it for this video!
This is a very handy book!
This should be called the "Irish Survival
Guide," because if you're gonna come over
here and you want to go with your
friends and drink pints out in melulas
at the weekend or you come over for a
tour and visit, you're gonna have to know
some of these words.
Otherwise you go out and you drink a pint of the black
stuff and you only get
a box in the face by the end of the
night. That's just the way it's gonna go,
but hopefully you learned something
here today and hopefully you can
incorporate some of our beautiful slang
into your regular daily dialect. But
anyway, THANK you guys so much for
watching this video; if you LIKED it,
PUNCH that like button IN THE FACE,
LIKE A BOSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!! And, high-fives all around!!!! *whpoosh!* *whpoosh!* But THANK
you guys and I will see all you dudes...IN THE NEXT VIDEO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Please take this moment during the outro music to thank your local captioner. Good gravy, it's not easy to caption Jack)
I feel
like we learned something here today. We were
all eegits at the start of the day but now
we're going home smarter than before! (Thanks for the Irish Knowledge, Jack!)