if you want to build self-confidence you
would do well to listen to the words of
Marcus Aurelius he was the Emperor of
Rome from 161 to 180 ad and is
considered as the last of the five good
Emperor's during his rule Aurelius found
the time to construct a series of
autobiographical writings now known as
the meditations and the meditations is
regarded as one of the greatest works of
philosophy which is why in this video
we'll be using some of his wisdom as a
motivation to talk about 10 things we
should do to build our self-confidence
number one focus on building your
character Marcus Aurelius says consider
at what price you sell your integrity
but please for God's sake don't sell it
cheap in the initial phases of our lives
our self-confidence is developed by the
love and affection we get from our
family members but it only serves as a
foundation on which our confidence can
grow we need additional skills to aid us
in social situations where we may feel
uncomfortable people skills and a strong
character are basic assets that we
really need character refers
specifically to the moral dimension of
the self character development deals
with developing your personal integrity
and internal compass of acceptable
behavior the formation of character
involves a continuous self-evaluation
process in which individuals compare
their description of themselves as they
are which is the real self with their
descriptions of themselves as they would
like to become which is their ideal self
and as they fear becoming their dreaded
self according to the Stoics we should
use every occasion every challenge as a
way to exercise our character to become
a better human by constant application
we should seek to become kind honest and
hardworking people we should educate
ourselves and learn to treat everyone
with respect because your character is
the one thing that can never be taken
away from you
a man can rise or fall just due to the
virtues or faults of his character and
it's often this that leaves a legacy
number 2 practice self acceptance in the
words of Marcus Aurelius
tend to seem what he really are
self-acceptance is the cure for
perfectionism and unhappiness it's so
easy to focus on your faults
everyone can dwell on their insecurities
instead of the things about themselves
that they're happy with and doing this
can cause you to dislike yourself you
may also be too busy focusing on the
others around you and not focusing on
loving yourself some people don't want
to be alone and fear to do things on
their own this can really hinder your
journey to self-love as you have to
learn to be comfortable being with
yourself self-love is one of the best
things you can do for yourself being in
love with yourself provides you with
self-confidence self-worth and it will
genuinely help you feel more positive
you may also find that it's easier for
you to fall in love once you've learned
to love yourself first when you truly
love yourself and you're happy you
should stop comparing yourself to others
so much and should find yourself more
confident not worrying as much about
what others think of you understand that
you're a whole and complete person as
you are no one expects perfection from
you if you're overweight your friends
call you fat and you think less of
yourself don't do that accept what is
love yourself regardless when you're
ready you can always get into eating
more healthily and exercising more like
the ketogenic diet you can do
intermittent fasting with weight lifting
and then see the amazing transformation
after a couple of months there are many
ways to practice self-acceptance but the
most important of them is being honest
and forgiving yourself reflecting on
your mistakes can help you forgive and
forget if you can look back at some poor
choices you may have made and forgive
yourself you can start to move on and
forget about the past
loving yourself despite any mistakes you
made in the past is great for yourself
worth self-love and self-acceptance is
nothing but your choice you may have
many problems and they'll usually be
solutions but even without one you a
still you why not accept yourself the
way you are instead of beating yourself
up
number three focus on your thoughts to
quote Marcus Aurelius the happiness of
your life depends upon the quality of
your thoughts if you chronically feel
down about yourself it may not just be
an issue of negative thoughts here or
there but instead it may be that your
core beliefs about yourself
negative ideas like I'm unlovable or I'm
a loser might be at the bottom of most
of the decisions you make so that's
where you need to start challenging such
a fundamental idea can seem daunting
that concept has a really good lawyer in
your head who's constantly presenting
tons of evidence to prove his case that
you're a loser
so make a list of all the proof you have
in your mind that supports the argument
that your loser
now that you've presented that case you
need something that's lacking a defense
lawyer to challenge this notion now sit
down and make a second list a list of
reasons you're not a loser why the first
lawyer is wrong
having that list of reasons you're
pretty darn awesome will help you
dismiss that negative core belief and
replace it with something more honest
accurate and rational it may seem scary
or even impossible to change your
thoughts but you can change your
thoughts to improve your self-esteem the
automatic thoughts you've had for years
of familiar and served a purpose at one
point in your life however think about
how many of these are negative and
hurtful the more negative thoughts you
have the lower your self-esteem will be
so wouldn't it be nice to change your
thoughts and improve your self-esteem
number four make a plan and stop
thinking as we learn from Marcus
Aurelius turn your desire to stone
quench your appetites keep your mind
centered on itself the truth is that we
live in the age of procrastination we
waste far too much of our time in making
plans attending meetings strategizing
but getting nothing done sure if you
don't have any goals to work towards
that's the first step but once you
decide on your goals it's time to stop
thinking and start doing thoughts and
plans don't mean anything a genius idea
is not of any worth either not unless
you put the work in and take the steps
necessary to make it a reality
wanna switch careers great decide
something new to try then go get
qualified or certified then start
applying for jobs wanna finally get in
shape awesome lift weights three times a
week and start eating the right amount
of calories stop doing research
stop getting prepared and stop telling
everyone about your sweet plan and just
get started today because planning is
just planning and it won't help it's
your actions that boost your
self-confidence because you'll be
getting things done there's a reason the
ancient Stoics like the great Marcus
Aurelius were so successful and
accomplished and that's because they
took action over and over again number
five keep your word we're told by Marcus
Aurelius to live up to it make good on
your promises be what your father hoped
for you to be keeping your word is
critical to restoring your sanity and
creating a meaning driven life keeping
your word means honoring what you commit
to it's keeping your promises with
everyone and especially with yourself
when we promise ourselves that we'll do
something or promise to stop doing
something we feel it's for our own good
we believe that life will be more
satisfying with the change what we often
failed to take into account is that the
promise is not just about improving
relationships or conditions in one's
life but it's also a test of integrity
to have integrity is to honor one's word
to know that we won't do anything
unexpected or surprising that would have
us break our word and to recommit to our
word if we find ourselves faltering
making a promise to someone is one of
the most powerful forms of communication
in existence yet how many times do you
make vows that you can't possibly keep
you tell a friend your child your
partner that you'll do something for
them but then you don't actually go and
do it we already know breaking promises
has a disastrous effect it not only
disappoints the person we've promised
but it also erodes bits of our
self-esteem to brain research shows that
breaking promises actually registers in
our brain activity showing up as
emotional conflict for the
promise-breaker as a result of
suppressing their honest
keeping our promises is the key to
experiencing life as we dream it to be
number six take ownership of your
actions as Marcus Aurelius so succinctly
puts it do your job without whining the
inability to accept a responsibility is
a telltale sign of low self esteem this
shows up when someone is indecisive and
when they blame other people people
blame others because they believe what
you do is who you are which means when
you make a mistake you somehow diminish
yourself they don't realize by blaming
others they've made themselves powerless
by becoming a victim of circumstance how
many times have you heard or maybe even
said I was late because of stupid train
delays I didn't get promoted because I
don't smooth with my managers or I can't
find a job because of the economy
although these may be valid reasons
people with strong self-esteem don't
focus on the external factors that may
have caused the undesired result but
rather spend their energy thinking of
ways to achieve the outcome they want
they don't put themselves down for
making the mistake they just learn from
the experience and move on when you
begin to do the work and take ownership
over your life you start to realize the
power of time management control and
autonomy you live your life on your
terms this way it truly is the only way
number seven don't speak too much about
yourself Marcus Aurelius instructs us to
accustom yourself to attend carefully to
what is said by another and as much as
it is possible try to inhabit the
speaker's mind we're all guilty of
talking too much about ourselves we talk
about ourselves thirty to forty percent
of the time that's a lot studies have
shown that talking about ourselves is
strongly associated with increased
activity in the mesolimbic dopamine
system the same part of our brain that
experiences pleasure through things like
food sex and money
the truth is no one wants to sit through
a slideshow from your latest outing on
your latest gadget no one really wants
to hear another person going on and on
and on about themselves all of that
talking is costing us time productivity
and energy it's also costing us
credibility and our relationships people
who go on and on and appear to
undervalue others contributions
lack curiosity and self-awareness and
seem self-absorbed and even nervous this
is just terrible for your
self-confidence we should stay away from
the conversations that concern with
gossiping and passing judgments on
people to indulge in gossip and judge
people who aren't present to defend
themselves simply doesn't seem to be the
virtuous thing to do we should instead
develop our listening skills and respond
less to gossiping and passing judgments
and occasionally introduce a challenging
topic that you feel might lead to a
mutually beneficial conversation with
your friends number eight
remind yourself of death Marcus Aurelius
says you could leave life right now let
that determine what you do and say and
think the Stoics made it routine to keep
the prospect of death in mind and you
two can practice this every morning
there's a phrase within these stoic
philosophy called memento mori which
means remember that you will die the
point of this reminder isn't to be
morbid or promote fear but to inspire
motivate and clarify this morning
routine will help you approach your
daily life fearlessly and make you feel
confident about doing things that really
matter
reminding yourself that every day has
value and every day that passes is
another day closer to your expiration
date can provide the perspective and
motivation necessary to help you
prioritize your life in a way that
reflects the kind of person you truly
want to be number 9 ignore the naysayers
as we learn from Marcus Aurelius when
another blames you or hates you or
people voice similar criticisms go to
their souls penetrate inside and see
what sort of people they are you will
realize that there's no need to be
racked with anxiety that they should
hold any particular opinion about you
naysayers are the people who criticize
object to or oppose something the
naysayers just love to say nay whenever
you step out of the norm and declare
what you want and that you're going to
do whatever it takes to achieve
it you will attract naysayers it might
love you but they're afraid of progress
so they're against everything and their
opinions are just terrible for your
self-confidence one you don't have self
control over what other people think or
how they act around you you do have
control over how you react their voice
does not deserve to be heard don't hand
over your peace of mind to outsiders to
disrupt it as they please the truth is
you're the average of the five people
you spend the most time with so if
someone just has a history of being a
naysayer ignore them
number ten have an evening confidence
ritual in our final quote from Marcus
Aurelius he tells us these are the
characteristics of the rational soul
self awareness self examination and self
determination it reaps its own harvest
it succeeds in its own purpose self
confidence is a positive feeling about
yourself your ideas and your worth that
enables you to take good care of
yourself stand on equal footing with
others and feel pride about yourself and
how you live your life not all self
confidence is actually under your own
control
in fact about 50% of it is genetic
fortunately you've got the other 50% to
work with here are two easy exercises
you could do in the evening before going
to bed for confidence-building number
one keep a gratitude journal keeping a
gratitude journal is a simple process
every evening you should pick three to
five things every day that you're
thankful for and write them down
gratitude doesn't have to be saved for
the big things in life the habit of
being grateful starts with appreciating
every good thing in life and recognizing
that there's nothing too small for you
to be thankful for appreciating the
smallest of things in your life before
going to bed will also give you a good
reason to wake up and a confidence to
face new challenges in life number two
have a daily success review this is
quite similar to your gratitude journal
each evening during your success review
write down one two three successes of
your day success doesn't necessarily
mean major achievements although if you
have them by all means be proud of them
but don't overlook the power of your
everyday small wins some of your small
wins could be about making good
decisions or taking the time to exercise
helping someone anything that makes you
feel good this will give you a huge
boost to your self-confidence because by
focusing on daily victories you'll
reinforce your constructive actions and
thoughts thus making it likely you'll
have more small wins on subsequent days
if you like this video please do make
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