OK, I know I’m supposed to tell you all about how to be a strong man, but guess what?
Let’s do something different today.
I mean, fuck all that male machismo crap.
Let’s talk about how NOT to be strong instead.
I’ll teach you how to be that weak, scrawny, lily-livered, bootlicking, latte-sipping whiny
piece of shit you’ve always wanted to be.
How about that?
Let's cut to the chase.
The easiest and most direct way to be a weak man is simply that–be weak.
Be suspect of anything that makes you strong.
Avoid strenuous things that may make you muscular after doing them.
This means lifting weights is a big no-no.
Treat the gym as a no-go zone.
But, if you must go, stick to the treadmill.
And walk, don't run.
Be careful...
never, ever go near the squat rack.
That's where the serious weightlifters go, and you must never get infected by their toxicity.
Remember, muscles are a sign of patriarchy.
Fuck muscles.
Women love the dad bod, it's true.
Why?
Because muscles scream, "Other women wanna fuck me, too".
You don't want your woman to feel insecure, right?
Not only that, be careful of what you eat.
The rule of thumb is simple–avoid animals.
There are two reasons for this.
First, meat has protein, and protein makes muscles.
And you don't want muscles.
You want a dad bod, and you get that by eating carbohydrates, not protein.
The second reason is even more important.
Women love guys who are kind, considerate and have lots of empathy.
How can you be kind, considerate and have lots of empathy when you fucking eat animals?
Can't you think of the cow's feelings?
Now that you've weakened your body, the mind comes next.
Look, nothing turns a woman off more than a man who is mentally strong.
You should be yourself, act like yourself, and be comfortable with yourself.
Improving yourself goes against this.
Like muscles, self-improvement is a manifestation of toxic masculinity.
Never improve!
Avoid Shogun Method or anything that makes you a stronger man.
Strong men not only have muscles on their body, but in their brain.
Strong men read books.
You want to be weak.
Fuck books.
Fuck knowledge.
Fuck wisdom.
Shit like Shogun Method can corrupt you.
Instead of reading, watch TV.
Those experts on CNN should know what's best for you.
Or, even better, listen to your woman instead.
Your woman has the answer to every question you have.
Trust in the wisdom of the female mind.
A woman will never lead you astray!
Remember, you're Adam, and she's Eve.
And Eve has always led Adam up the righteous path, right?
Right?
Finally, think about what your goals are.
I don't care what you want out of life, but if women are not your number one priority,
you're doing it wrong.
I mean, c'mon.
Nothing impresses a woman more than saying to her,
"You are number one in my life."
Everything you do, your woman must come first.
If you have a life mission, fuck that.
All your money should go to only one thing–buying shit for your woman.
When she calls, drop everything you do, and give her 100% of your attention.
Stop hanging out with your buddies because trust me, your woman hates them.
Agree with everything–and I mean everything–she says.
Don't talk back.
Women love to be right all the time, so let her.
Show her you're different from other guys.
Show her you'd love for her to boss you around.
Show her you're the weak, scrawny, lily-livered, bootlicking, latte-sipping, whiny little pussy
she loves you to be.
So, all-in-all, here's how to be a weak man women hate but to love–in five simple ways.
One, don't lift weights.
Two, stop eating animals.
Three, never improve yourself.
Four, never read.
And finally, Five, abandon your life mission.
Instead, in everything you do, put your woman first.
So, that, my dear brother, is how to be a sorry piece of shit that every woman loves
to trample on.
Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.