Hey guys, it's Brad Browning here.
And in this video I'm going to be talking about whether it's a good idea to be friends
with your ex.
This is a question that I asked daily.
All the time people are emailing me saying "my ex suggested we should be friends.
Should I be friends with my ex?"
Often times, the way this comes about is your ex will actually suggest this right after
breaking up with you.
They'll say "Yes, we've broken up but hey I still want to remain friends with you and
all of that."
So at the time it can be a very tempting offer to be friends with your ex because, you know
hey, it's better than nothing, right?
At least you could still have your friend in your life in some capacity even if it's
not in a romantic way, you could still be there and see them and that sort of thing.
Now again, that seems like a great idea at the time, right?
I mean... hey.
Better than nothing right?
But it's actually not such a good idea.
And the first reason it's not a good idea applies whether or not you want to get your
ex back.
So even if you want to just move on, get over your ex, this is still a bad idea to be friends
with your ex because it makes the recovery a lot harder.
If you're friends with your ex you're going to be seeing them all of the time.
You're going to be constantly going to be reminded of your ex and basically you're not
going to be removing them from your life so it's going to be a lot harder to recover,
to move on, and to stop thinking about your ex.
And that applies if you want to get them back, you still need to get over the first few weeks
of the pain and the emotional suffering even if you want to get them back.
So that's one of the first reasons you definitely do not want to be friends with your ex is
that it makes the recovery more challenging and it takes a lot longer.
The second reason you don't want to be friends with your ex is that, in order for your ex
to get back together with you, they need to miss you.
It needs to happen organically.
You can't just, you know, walk up to your ex and say a few magic words and getthem back.
It's just not that simple.
They need to organically and naturally want you back.
And in order for that to happen, they need to miss you.
They need to feel the nostalgia of the relationship.
They just really just have to want to get back together.
And how do you make someone miss you?
Well, you completely disappear from their life altogether.
Suddenly, cold turkey, the person that they knew and had a long history with, and were
very comfortable around, has disappeared from their life.
So for your ex, it's going to be a lot more challenging for them.
They're going to miss you a lot more if you just suddenly drop off the map.
If you remain friends and you talk to them everyday, it's going to be a lot more challenging
to develop those feelings of nostalgia and to make your ex miss you.
You want them back, you want them to miss you, and in order for them to miss you, you
can't be friends with them because you'll simply be around too much for them to ever
develop those feelings.
Now let's talk about the science here for a second.
Breakups stimulate the same chemicals and hormones in your brain as withdrawal from
a drug or alcohol addiction.
The first few days and weeks of withdrawal, and the first few days and weeks after a breakup
are extremely difficult and painful, you're going to be going through the heartache and
heartbreak, it's all going to be very difficult.
And if you're recovering from a drug or alcohol addiction, you're going to be going through
withdrawal through the first few phases or first few weeks, I should say, and you're
going to be tempted to take another hit or take another drink or whatever it is you were
addicted to, just to make the pain go away.
That's the easy, quick fix.
It's just, you know, the bottle sitting there on the shelf, you're going to want to take
a sip and it's going to make all your withdrawal symptoms go away.
And it's exactly the same with a breakup.
Your ex is going to be feeling extremely emotional, heartbroken, lonely, everything that you're
feeling right now, your ex is feeling even if they were the one that dumped you.
So they, during the first few weeks, and you know, depending on how long your relationship,
depending on how serious it was, it may be months before they're going to be feeling
the same emotions.
They're going to want to get back together with you in order to make all those feelings
go away.
It's a quick fix to make them feel better.
So if you want them back, then you want your ex to be tempted to take that quick, easy
way out by getting back together with you.
Now, the final reason you don't want to be friends with your ex is you're going to end
up being their emotional dumping ground.
Your ex is going to use you, essentially, have that intention.
But that's what they're going to do in order to prove as an emotional dumping ground, to
be their support network while they get over their breakup and find someone new.
So you're going to have to sit there and listen to them talk about their new guy or girl they're
dating or you're going to have to listen to their life story.
You're going to sit there and end up being their emotional dumping ground.
And that is not helpful at all for you because it makes you look like some sort of a weakling
and desperate, and it also can just be extremely painful and hurtful to hear your ex say some
of those things.
So that's another reason, if you need another reason to not be friends with your ex.
Now let's talk about how to say "no" if your ex suggests you should be friends.
So if your ex hasn't suggested this yet but they do in the future, a good way to get out
of it or to avoid getting stuck in that friendzone that you don't want to be in with your ex,
is to say something really simple like, "I don't think being friends is a great idea
right now, I was interested in being your boyfriend or girlfriend or whatever it is,
but being friends will be hard for both of us right now, so no hard feelings, I wish
you all the best, but I don't think we should be friends right now."
That's all you need to say.
You get the message across without causing any conflict.
Now what if you already said yes when they suggested you should be friends?
Well, the best thing you should do hear is slowly fade away, naturally, start replying
to their messages less often, start ignoring their calls every now and then, over the course
of a week or maybe even two weeks, you slowly just go from being friends to basically just
disappearing and ignoring them.
Now you don't want to be rude, you don't want to offend your ex, but you need to sort of
slip away, quietly into the distance, and stop hanging out with them and talking with
them regularly, and get out of that friendzone.
If you find yourself stuck in the friendzone and you need help getting out, head over to
my website: www.BreakupBrad.com and watch the free video there that's on my website
and you'll also find my email address right there and you can send me an email there and
you can send an email with a question if you are stuck in the friendzone and hopefully
I can help you get out of it.
And finally, please like this video if you've found it helpful and subscribe to my YouTube
channel, I really appreciate it.
Thanks very much for watching.
Talk to you soon.
Bye bye!
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