Have you been wondering how to get kids to do school work during the pandemic?
I've got some ideas for you.
There's a lot of reasons that parents are concerned about this right now for
good reason because this is an important way that your kids are going to develop
life skills. Let's go over four strategies that you can apply immediately. Strategy number
one, let's make a distinction between school work and homework. Do you hear the difference?
Normally school work is done at school and that's why the name for this thing is a dead giveaway
right school work and homework. Now here's the thing, during the pandemic many of us have been
enrolled in what I've affectionately started to call the involuntary homeschoolers association.
Now the IHSA doesn't hold conventions and meetings but as members of that association. Here we are
trying to become the teacher as well as the parent. This is familiar to homeschoolers. I was
doing the opening keynote at a large homeschooling convention a couple of years ago and these parents
get it because they've been doing this for so long. But for the bulk of us
we don't know how to be a teacher at home not necessarily we've got good ideas and we can be a
great teacher for our child. But we've been plunged into this through the pandemic in ways that are
kind of unfamiliar to a lot of us. So, welcome to the involuntary homeschoolers association
and let's make a distinction between schoolwork and homework. There are traditions out there in
the school system and different teachers and administrators feel differently about this.
Just figure out where you stand on this. Should school work be done at school
or should school work be done as homework or should there be some kind of a balance between
the two? Having been through the 21st grade myself I have learned that there's a difference between
elementary school and the tasks and the things that we need to learn in that setting versus
a junior high setting, the secondary schools, high school, getting into college. See, there's
different levels of difficulty and engagement at each of these levels. So, taking that into
consideration as you consider the needs for your child. Are we talking about homework which is more
self-directed and to be done in off-school hours? Are we talking about school work which is staying
focused and getting things done within the school time? That's one of the strategies. Let's establish
school time during which school work occurs and whether that's more self-directed or guided by
you as the parent. That doesn't matter as much as delineating the time that that is supposed
to happen. This is really easy if the kids are going off to school because there's an opening
bell there's a closing bell and everything in between is school time. You can do something
similar within your home so that they know every day from this time to that time school time and
we're doing school work. So some of that structure can help to get kids to actually engage a little
bit better because the expectation is there that well this is school time. Second strategy,
let's get clear about the why and I mean there why. When we ask why should our kids do school work.
We as parents and as teachers yeah we got 12 or 13 reasons why they should do it right. It makes
total sense to you the adult the educated one. Why should they do it? We need to think
like kids sometimes and start to engage with okay what's going on in their mind that would have them
wanting to do this, having a reason to be engaged with it. What is their motivation and this can be a
broad range of things. I love that a lot of parents are helping their kids to have a love of learning.
I'll come back to that in just a minute because we can create that kind of a culture in our home.
But there are other kids who just don't get it and they're not interested and they don't see it the
way that you do. Of course, they don't, they're not adults. So we have to structure sometimes
the motivation into how we handle other things in the home. So for example,
you could have engagement at school tied to availability of video games for example. Now
I pick video games because that's one of the most popular motivators for kids. Do they want
to do school? No, they want to go do their video games. So, a link between doing the school work
and doing video games. I mean that's so simple but it's such an effective way to help kids have
a strong why to do it. I would encourage you if you're going to do a linking like that between
a privilege that they enjoy and their engagement in school, stay positive. Stay positive about that.
Here's an example of what I mean. You could say, "If you don't do your schoolwork you won't get to play
your video games." Do you see how negative that is? How does that feel to you? How's that going to feel
to your child? Let's change up the wording you can say the same thing in a very positive way, "If you
engage in your schoolwork you will have access to the video games", Okay this links with that, and we
do it in a positive way. Most of the things that we tell that our children that come out negative
can be reworded in a positive way and that powers it up it changes the energy.
That's one of the tips of positive parenting as well so there's your second strategy. This
next strategy is something that will completely transform your parenting into a much more positive
experience for both you and your kids and that is to detach from the outcomes. Detach from the
outcomes. Think about this, you get attached to some particular outcome like your kids
completing an assignment or finishing their school work. Okay, if you're attached to it psychologically
they don't have to be. Whoever is most attached to the outcomes is going to solve the problem.
Think about that, whoever's most attached to the outcomes is going to solve the problem. Let's make
sure it's not you. You're going to detach from the outcomes which gives your child an opportunity to
become attached to the outcomes, why? Because of the other strategy we already talked about.
We're linking some outcome that they desire to their behavior with what it is that you
want them to do. Once that's linked up, back off you are no longer attached to the outcomes
and here's one way you can remind yourself to do this, "Hey, either way is okay with me. You can do
your school work or you can wait till tomorrow and try it again. Either way's fine with me",
and then flash him a smile, okay. I've found this works best if you're smiling,
raise your eyebrows just a little bit, have a little to your voice okay. Because that
communicates to your child that you are in control. You're not yelling and screaming and out of
control and demanding that they do it a certain way because you're so attached to the outcome.
You're simply saying, "Hey, this way that way either way is fine with me", and then they have to decide,
"Wait a minute, is this okay with me?", and when that when we've linked up doing what you want them
to do with the thing that they want to do. They can do the math and they start realizing, "Wait a
minute, if I don't do my schoolwork I don't get to have video games", even though you said it to
them in a positive way. When they do their school work they get to have the video game.
However, they're thinking about it they link that up and suddenly they are attached to the outcome.
Do you like that? You get to back off and be okay with either way. That's powerful, try it, practice it.
Hey, I was joking a little bit earlier when I mentioned the involuntary homeschoolers
association. But why not? Let's form one. Click on that subscribe button and you're in.
Now the final strategy for this particular video is to create an environment a culture
a home where learning is valued and there's positive energy attached to it. No surprises this
takes a little bit more work than simply doing the default. So you might need to look into ways that
that you can enhance the learning experience. Bringing in audiovisual materials. Having
hands-on activities that they can do to learn about something. Going on a field trip. These
kinds of activities create a higher level of engagement with your kids and the research shows
that this actually facilitates a deeper level of learning. We've been trained taught and educated
to learn things in a certain way and if you're like me you got to grow up in a
school environment where the main mode of learning was, "Okay kids, sit down, be quiet,
listen to the teacher, and do the assignments, and make sure you don't make any mistakes."
There's some things about that traditional learning style that are just not conducive to
children's learning. Pay attention to your kids and they'll give you some clues as to what's
going to be effective for them. What do they pay attention to? What grabs their interest and then
incorporate as many of those things as you can into the learning. We also want to have a family
culture where education not necessarily school. I make a distinction sometimes between school
and education. In fact, Mark Twain said, "You should never let school interfere with your education",
and in that sense let's look at educational opportunities in a more broadway
and in a way that is friendly toward our kids, their interests, their learning styles, and as
we create that culture within our home. It's much more likely that they are going to engage
and be committed to their own learning. There's a lot of strategy and a lot of
skills and tips and techniques that we can employ to teach children responsibility. Click
on that next up video where we talk about some of the ways to teach children responsibility.