I know, it was weird having Derek do the review of the first Hyperdimenison Neptunia.
I was kinda shocked when I saw it, myself.
Had I known better, I’d have trapped him in the airlock.
But, ultimately, his assessment of the game was as accurate as any I could give: It’s
a dangerously clever idea, held back by some rather clunky RPG elements and... well, I
can’t even begin to describe what’s at play here, except that it makes me feel kinda
uncomfortable.
Not even excited, mind, just... kinda sad that, to the creators of this game and to
the dominant paradigm of the genre, this is what they think I want.
It’s not.
Really.
And it’s all the more distressing because, in every other respect, this game is in step
with my thoughts and understanding of the industry.
To paraphrase John Horatio Malkovich, “IT’S MY HEAD, UNDERTOADS.
IT’S MY HEAD.”
Hyperdimension Neptunia Mk2 chronicles the events occurring three years after its predecessor,
where the personifications of the three current-gen consoles (and Sega, just ‘cuz) are held
captive in the...
Look, I already covered that.
Cut to camera two.
That’s better.
They’re held captive in the Gameindustri Graveyard, alongside - one would presume - a
young girl with a taco affixed to the side of her head and... well, that girl with the
cassette logo on her apron actually represents the Data East DECO, a cassette-based loading
system for arcade machines like the original BurgerTime.
The rest of the plot is largely Collect the Heroes, Level Up, Fight the Big Bad.
But you’re not here for the plot.
You’re here for a game which, in 2011, is making callbacks to the Data East DECO.
And Karnov.
And features enemies like the Super FX Professor, strange four-block-and-a-face foes whose names
are anagrams of “Tetris,” cats with moogle wings (called, appropriately, Kupocats), thinly-veiled
ghosts from Pac-Man...
I could honestly go on forever.
It’s kinda like Kill Bill: anyone can watch and appreciate it, but the more familiar you
are with chambara, gokudo, and Hong Kong action cinema, the more you get out of it.
Case in point: This is the first thing you see upon starting a new game.
Yep.
That’s Takahashi Meijin.
Master Higgins himself.
The dude from Adventure Island, in the flesh, reminding you to play this game in a well-lit
room.
This dude right down here, in the TV?
That’s Keiji Inafune.
He created MEGA MAN.
And now he’s chillin’ out in another in a series of Nippon-Ichi slash Idea Factory
slash Compile Heart slash Gust co-productions.
Also, all of those companies I just named?
Playable characters.
As is your main character, Nep-Gear, sometimes called Ge-Ge, Gear, or, let’s just cut to
the chase, the Sega Game Gear.
She’s picking up the slack and trying to save her sister, while dealing with the reestablished
Arfoire syndicate (representing the R4 DS flashcart, fashionable amongst game pirates)
and trying to enlist the aid of Sony’s little sister Uni (AKA the PSP) and Nintendo’s
twins Rom and Ram (‘cuz they’re the DS, get it?
Two of ‘em?)
And, just as you’d expect, Microsoft’s got no little sister to offer, but her home
defense force comes staffed by Cave, a skilled policewoman who’s really good at moving
accurately through hectic crowds..
Somewhere, under all of these cute girls, allegory, and backhanded references to illegal
copies of Earthbound deleting all your data right before the final battle, there’s an
actual combat system, which allows you to maneuver around and exploit your tactical
acumen before spending AP to fire off chains of attacks, which can then lead to EX-Finishing
attacks for more absurdity.
Ever since Cross Edge, these games have been getting more and more elegant with their battle
mechanics, and Neptunia 2 represents the continuing refinement of these concepts.
And, if you’re particularly enterprising, you can even re-skin Nep-gear’s HDD outfit
simply by loading a JPG on your PS3!
You want Doraemon?
You want Asuka?
You want Black Rock Shooter?
How about Mega Man?
You can ask Inafking himself, he’s right over there, still chillin’.
Or, if you particularly like leeks...
Hyperdimension Neptunia mk2 is a dangerous game.
The more you love games, their history, their quirks, their stories, the more you’ll love
this monstrosity.
Unfortunately, the barrier to entry is some fairly questionable fetish content that I
can’t get comfortable with, and I was going to say “Try as I might” here but, frankly,
I don’t want to try.