Jory: (in monotone throughout) Hello, I'm Jory Caron, the host of "Is it a Good Idea to Microwave This?" America's pastime: staying clean. We turn to the soap that floats- Ivory.
Oh, no! It's floating! It's floating, it's floating all the way over to the microwave.
*theme song plays*
Jory: Let's go roast some nuts!
Jory: I wonder how long I should put it in there? Three minutes? Okay!
Jory: Ventilation is key!
Jory: Oh, jeez!
Jory: Safety is our number-one concern.
Jory: Yeah, I think it's just gonna catch fire.
Jory: 'Cause nobody likes roasted nuts!
Jory: Definitely a good idea!
Jory: Stopping, stopping!
Jory: Is it a good idea to microwave this?
Let's go find out! Here at the Jory Caron Laboratory, safety is our number-one concern. That's why we hide behind an aluminum foil shield.
Jory: (muffled behind glass) It protects everything...
Except my head- that's not really important! We also have two fans, to circulate the stagnant air, because we're all sealed up in here. It really won't do much...
And here's the Sharp microwave, the love of my life!
Jon: She's pretty dirty!
Jory: I've named her "Diane," actually. Truthfully? It's Diane. And don't ever look at her that way!
Jory: In goes the Ivory soap, which just floated on in here! It's the only soap that floats. And I wonder how long we should put it in there for?
Jon: A minute, 45!
Well, that's so random, I'm just gonna do it! 1:45... Retreating!
Jory: Now, I think I've heard that it's supposed to just, like, melt, like Lava soap. Oh! It tipped over. I probably should've removed it from the packaging.
Oh! It's bulging! No, maybe not... Ooh! It's, like, foaming! It's foaming! That is awesome! It's way cooler to leave the packaging on! It's like shaving cream! It's coming out the other side now!
Jon: Oh, my God! That looks like Hiroshima!
*Ezra laughs in the background*
Jon: Oh, Lord!
Jory: That thing is huge!
Jon: Alright, now, it's totally multiplying in size!
Ezra: It's The Blob!
Jory: We're just gonna keep going. Oh, my God!
Jon: Oh, my Lord!
Jory: Maybe that's why it can float! And it's spinning, so it's actually cleaning the inside of the microwave right now.
Jon: If you microwave soap, you get the Marshmallow Man!
Jory: Okay, we're probably done. It's doing the same thing.
Jon: No, let's let it run! This has probably gone up in size, like, ten times its original weight!
Ezra: Volume!
Jon: Whatever!
Ezra: It can't increase in mass, because matter can be neither created nor destroyed!
Jon: Thanks, Einstein!
Okay, we're gonna turn this off now.
Jory: Oh, wow! It smells like soap in here!
Jon: That can't be bad, right?
Jory: It can't be bad! It'll just clean out our lungs!
Jon: Alright! Clean out the lungs the Jory Caron way!
Ezra: Soap's non-toxic.
Jon: Holy crap! That is really pungent! Alright, masks on, boys, masks on!
Jory: And opening, we're goin'! Oh, my God!
Ezra: Get the kill tray! We need the kill tray!
Jon: What kind of texture does that have, Jory?
Jory: It's actually awesome! It's kinda warm.
Jon: Ooh! That's really hot! But it's kinda like... It kinda feels like really warm marshmallow. But it still has the texture of soap, so it kinda, like, flakes away kinda. It's like cotton candy!
Jory: If you're really stingy and you wanna extend the life of your soap...
Jon: Microwave it!
Jory: Microwave it, definitely! It's the best thing I think I've ever witnessed! Okay, so you might be wondering, is it a good idea to microwave soap?
Jory: I can't speak for other brands, but Ivory soap is definitely a good idea! Definitely, unless you care about the inside of your microwave, which I actually don't care about the inside of my microwave!
Jon: It seemed to clean that one!
Jory: Yeah, it seemed to clean that one. And that's it for "Is it a Good Idea to Microwave This?" I'm Jory Caron. Do it with the packaging on, by the way, 'cause it kinda spewed out and it was awesome!
*end credits play*