From accidentally cussing someone out in sign language to trying to ask someone out with
telepathy, the Planet Dolan crew re-enacts some of the best true stories from our subreddit
about the dumbest ways we’ve asked people out.
I’m Zaraganba, and today I’ll be your narrator.
Number 10 was Submitted by Eggs-Ben-Addict Legna
In 5th grade, Legna had a crush on a girl named "Emily."
He wanted to ask her out, so he did it on Valentines Day, when everyone gave each other
cards and candy.
When nobody was looking, Legna went to her desk and left a note that said "Do you love
me?"
without putting his name on it.
When Emily got back to her desk, she picked it up, and yelled in front of the whole class
"WHO WROTE THIS TO ME?!!".
Legna, being stupid as usual, blurted out "Me!”
He was sent to detention for "Flirting.”
He lost his recess that day, and he never talked again...
Number 9 was Submitted by iFrantiic Spinal Palm
When Spinal Palm was in 7th grade, there was a girl he had a huge crush on.
He wanted to ask her out, and eventually learned that she knew sign language.
Spinal Palm asked his brother, who also knew sign language, to teach him how to ask, "Do
you want to be boyfriend and girlfriend?"
in sign language.
He agreed, but it turns out he wanted to sabotage Spinal Palm.
He didn't know this at the time, but when he "asked her out", he actually told her to
"fuck off."
The girl never talked to Spinal Palm again and he was confused when he was suspended
for "using vulgar language at school".
Number 8 was Submitted by crackc4t Grgak
There was this REALLY hot guy at school that almost every girl liked.
Grgak wasn’t a girl, but he sure was into this guy.
He had come out a week prior and was scared out of my mind.
He had no idea if the guy swung that way, but he decided to suck it up and do it.
Grgak bent onto one knee in front of the whole cafeteria and shouted, "GAY?
THAT'S ME!
ARE YOU?"
Somehow, they're still together to this day.
Number 7 was Submitted by SecretBoy56 Dolan
Dolan had a girl in his class in middle school that he always had the biggest crush on.
Now, Dolan took advice from the internet daily.
He heard from a voting site that complimenting a girl's bust was the best way to wrap them
around his finger.
So one day, Dolan caught his crush right before English class, gathered all his courage and
said: "Nice boobs, makes you way more beautiful than you are."
Dolan’s hopes were dashed with a slap in reply.
Number 6 was Submitted by TrashQueen09 Spincess
Spincess had what she was planing to say in her head, and it was perfect.
She was GOING to say, “I have had a little bit of a crush on you for some time and I
was hoping we could go out.”
Instead, Spincess got really nervous and said “I like your face.
Can I kiss it?
I like your face and also you, not just your face.
Am I babbling?
I just wanted to ask do you like me?”
He slipped a note in her locker later saying he had liked Spincess even before she asked
him out.
Number 5 was Submitted by Jediarereal26 Gooby Gooby’s 7th grade English class had to write
poems one day.
A guy she wanted to ask to the Halloween dance was in her class so she had the bright idea
to write a poem asking him.
The problem was, Gooby got really nervous, so she had trouble coming up with anything.
Her poem ended up being "Roses are red, grass is green.
Will you go to the Halloween dance with me?"
The worst part was, the teacher chose a few poems to read out loud in the last few minutes
of class.
Gooby’s was one of the few poems.
Her face was bright red for the rest of the day.
Number 4 was Submitted by mettatonslegs14 Ladybot
When Ladybot was in the seventh grade, she wanted to ask out a girl that she liked.
But Ladybot didn't know if this girl liked other girls.
So she went up to her with a taco and a hot dog at lunch and said "which do you prefer?"
The girl picked the taco, and Ladybot meant to reply with, "since you like that taco so
much why don't you go out with a real one?"
Then she was going to wink.
Instead she got flustered and said "s-so tacos h-huh?" and winked with both eyes - one slower
than the other.
Ladybot didn't get that date...
Number 3 was Submitted by Firedragon_X Hellbent
Hellbent had a crush on a girl that he often played Call of Duty: Black Ops 2 with.
They were playing Zombies mode, and he decided to ask her out as he was reviving her.
Hellbent started asking “Would you like to go out with me,” but then got attacked
and freaked out.
So instead, he said “would you FUCK ME IN THE ASSHOLE OH MY GOD YOURE SO UGLY LEAVE
ME ALONE OH MY GOD!”
She seemed mad at the time, but five minutes later she started laughing about it.
She asked Hellbent what he was going to ask her, and when he asked her out, she said,
“You chose the worst possible time to ask, but sure.”
Number 2 was Submitted by BossBliss1234_4321 Ramona
One day at school, Ramona and her crush were sitting at a table with their friends.
Ramona’s best friend knew about her feelings and whispered that she should find a creative
way to tell him.
Without thinking, Ramona turned to her crush and stared right at him, trying to tell him
with telepathy.
He noticed and stared right back.
The others thought it was a staring competition, so they started cheering the two of them on.
Ramona finally blinked, and he smiled and told her nice work.
But then, he randomly said “yes.”
Ramona totally forgot why she was staring at him in the first place, but then she noticed
her friend holding up a sign
that
said “she is asking you out!!!”