We have a great show tonight.
(ringing) Hold on just a second.
I am told I'm getting a Zoom call from, really?
One of my writers, yes.
Oh, it's Laurie Kilmartin. Hey Laurie.
Hi Conan, how's it going?
It's going great.
Is it okay if I call you back?
'Cause I'm taping a show right now.
Oh, I won't keep you.
I just wondered when you have a minute,
could you write me a letter of recommendation?
Letter of recommendation, like a job recommendation?
Yeah, I'm trying to apply for this job.
Here, let me show you.
Prince William and Kate Middleton
are on the hunt for a housekeeper with discretion.
Wait, you want to be a housekeeper for the royal family?
Oh, very much.
Okay, I get that you're a big fan of the royals.
I've always known that, but Laurie,
you're an incredible standup comic with a great career.
And you're a writer for me.
I mean, that's like the Holy Grail.
Why would you want to be a housekeeper?
Well, I don't know,
I guess because Kensington Palace would be my house.
I see.
Do you see?
Look, this is my current house.
[Conan] Okay. It's nice enough, yeah.
[Laurie] And this would be my future house.
[Conan] Okay, I get it, I get it, yeah.
So let's just shuttle back and forth
between the two, shall we?
Tell me if you could spot any differences.
Okay. No, no, no, no. My house, their house.
[Conan] You don't have to do that, I get it.
My house, their house. I get it, I get it.
My house, their house. I get it, stop.
My house, their house. Stop, that's fine.
But Laurie, the job post says
they're looking for a housekeeper with discretion.
That means whatever you saw,
you'd have to keep it to yourself.
Do you think you can do that?
Conan, I worked for you for 10 years
and I've never told anyone
that you have a panic attack before every show.
Well, I don't think it's every show.
Every single night, full-blown panic.
You grab your producer Jeff, and you start crying
and you say, "they're gonna eat me alive, mommy."
And then he has to slap you
and you start crying harder, "hold me, mommy."
All right, all right, all right.
You know what? I'll write you a recommendation, all right?
And what about that time you tried to start
hoop skirt Mondays at the office.
Only you showed up in a giant blue hoop skirt,
no one else did.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
I said I'd write your recommendation,
and it wasn't a bad idea.
I could have, but I never mentioned
your Anthony Michael Hall back tattoo.
I could have.
He was great in "Johnny Be Good."
You paid someone to chew your food for you
and you say "baby bird want his lunchie."
All right, all right, we're good, we're good.
I'll write you the recommendation, okay?
Thank you. Thanks. (disconnection ding)
Got a terrific show.
Ricky Gervais gonna be joining us.
We'll take a break, we'll be right back.
I'm getting hungry. (relaxed music)
Andy, can you chew my food?
Baby bird wants his lunchie!
All right, I'll be right there.