i haven't said the last president's name
in five months why would i
when senator rick scott of florida
presented him with the so-called
champion for freedom award over the
weekend
it's an annual award that stretches all
the way back to three days ago because
they made it up just to sue the ego of
king baby coward
and just look how tiny the trophy is i
believe that's the saucer they use to
serve rick scott his breakfast mouse
stephen in case you haven't heard donald
trump is gone
and we have a new president now for you
to make fun of
her name is kamala harris
[Applause]
as the chaos continues over a tragic
shooting we finally heard from the
people who really matter most
noted criminologists and social
scientists
ben and jerry's they tweeted
the murder of dante wright is rooted in
white supremacy and results from the
intentional criminalization of black and
brown communities
the system can't be reformed it must be
dismantled and a real system of public
safety
rebuilt from the ground up hashtag
defund the police
meanwhile the silence from haagen-dazs
is deafening
[Laughter]
that was a good cackle anyway so mr
wright
according to bnj was killed because of
bigotry
despite evidence it was a terrible
terrible error
by the police officer but from there you
conclude that the system must be
destroyed
and that's leftism in a nutshell the
whole thing's got to go and no we have
no clue what to do next
the combination of fatuous platitudes
and woke catchphrasing is so bad
it's giving me an ice cream headache now
i'm patiently waiting for baskin robbins
to announce their 31 flavors of white
privilege
but it's got to be great to be ben and
jerry's everyone
loves ice cream so they get a pass every
time they shoot their mouths off about
something they know nothing about
never mind that they're based in vermont
a state so white it makes rachel dolezal
look like
malcolm x but really who's worse for the
world
law enforcement or ice cream eating lots
of ice cream
you're going to be at a higher risk for
diseases from heart disease type 2
diabetes even cancer
what are the biggest risk factors for
severe cases of covid
is obesity maybe ben and jerry should
come with a mask
at least 2.8 million people each year
die from overweight
and sorry it's not cops making them fat
ben and jerry's ice cream brand actually
hit the store shelves in the mid to late
1970s
between then and now obesity has nearly
tripled
that's also when airlines introduced the
seat belt extender
for their larger passengers
a coincidence i'm sure but
so is smoking and getting lung disease
or dating pete davidson and getting
everything
now i'm not saying ben and jerry's
caused the fat pandemic
but public health experts call them the
menendez brothers of obesity
but just like nike if your business
hurts people just repeat far left
talking points
so this all begs a bottom line on
lethality
tens of millions of traffic stops are
made a year and among them a few dozen
can involve
the death of an unarmed suspect compare
that to three million dead due to
obesity
and according to a statista.com in
2019 roughly 40 percent of all black
adults were designated as obese it's not
hard to see that a product
that packs more fat than chris
christie's swim trunks
isn't doing black americans any favors
is it time to cancel ben and jerry's
to defund the scoops or should they
develop flavors that are more honest
about their contribution to society
like say strawberry coronary
or triple bypass fudge or blueberry
eulogy
or banana split aorta actually sounds
pretty good
finally let's compare two vocations
making ice cream
and law enforcement to protect and serve
versus
to protect soft serve in one arena you
make everything everyone
everyone loves but it's bad for your
health
and the other it's something so many
elites hate but keeps them safe from
harm
don't you think the people with the easy
job of making people
fat might want to understand the
professions that are slightly more risky
than theirs if your biggest on-the-job
hazards are brain freeze and muffin top
how about a little respect for people
who get shot at for a living
and not with cool whip
period let
us welcome tonight's guests
she's more southern than a chicken fried
pickup truck
boss business network anchor david
mcdowell
and he's too smart to have hair that
gorgeous
recent associate editor robbie suave
and imagine what he wears when he's not
on tv
he's made thousands of people laugh
sometimes with his jokes
ryder comedian and host of michael
loftus live on fox nation michael loftus
and finally she's like
botox toxic in your face and has a lot
of fans over 50.
oh silly box nation cat tip
welcome to the program always a pleasure
to see you
i'm nervous oh don't be nervous flop
sweat it's coming
here's the thing if let's say a ben
and jerry's was robbed should their
employees call the police
or would they be worried that it would
upset the owners of the business
that's what you call a brain twister yes
they should
well i will tell all right so i live in
new york city which you know
and we live not very far from each other
and sometimes looking to your window
yeah
i see you i see you so it's the
epicenter of the
anti-anti-crime movement right as the
new york post calls it
it is the no bail for you if you get
arrested get out of jail free
good luck getting to work without
getting punched in the face by some
lunatic
that land so if i cross the street
to the drugstore to buy some ben and
jerry's
it is locked in the freezer yes it is
you have to go to the manager right
to get the key to get some craptastic
stale ben and jerry's because people
aren't going to wait there so the like
pretzels
in the chubby hubby are stale yeah so
it's locked away
just like the deodorant the good hair
products
same thing same taste hairspray
yep same satisfaction same flavor
so i i i thought that that was very
tasty no you're absolutely right
they understand that there is criminal
there are criminals they're not cops
stealing their ice cream
you know rob you're you're a libertarian
which means you
understand statistics but you also hate
the cops
yeah i just hate being told what to do
by anyone uh especially after this year
yeah i support a lot of criminal justice
reform
and i think what this police officer did
confusing their gun for their taser is
terrible and they should suffer
punishment but
is every interaction between every
police officer and every person of color
automatically racist like that's where
ben and jerry's went that this is
obviously white supremacy and we're a
white supremacist country
and where's the evidence of that you can
just say that without having any reason
to actually think that
exactly and are they doing that because
underneath all of this they realize that
their product
is harmful to people's health so the
woke politics
is that kind of their buffer zone to
keep people from saying hey you're
making everybody fat i think it's
simpler than that they're making a
commercial
for like gullible woke young liberals to
get them interested in ice cream instead
of vegan whatever
that we have the right politics we have
the right views by our products yeah
you know loftus once again i'm glad that
you're not you're refusing to get
dressed up for this show
i'm not about it i gotta dig in i gotta
dig it
i know you're not gonna by the time by
the seventh appearance you're gonna be
coming shirtless
with like daisy dukes i'm gonna have i'm
gonna have tobacco chew
i'm gonna have overalls one nipple out
just like
when you're so lazy with overalls you
can't even do both of them
overall terrible you know okay stay
seated you know
[Laughter]
i'm gonna say this even though i find
that i find it idiotic
ben and jerry's is an amazing product
for one reason
it overrides your own necessity for
survival
it's like when you get a tub of ben and
jerry's
every kind of a message in your brain
that says
only eat a little uh it's good it's it's
like it's like two pounds of fat don't
it just all goes out the window i mean
you're eating a drug
that's what it is that's why they're so
rich yes it is
they are like drug dealers they are like
drug dealers yes and and it's the worst
kind of drug dealer cause they're
already high
if you've ever had to go through that
experience
and boy it takes forever right
and now these guys have like opinions on
politics
oh man we're going to be here all night
yeah we're going to bring out their
zeppelin albums
like we gotta defund the police and like
oh
and then it's all going to end up with
ancient aliens and how it all really got
started
screw these guys and they're triple
ripple dose intolerant which is
almost like being racist it is offensive
milk is white so me being lactose
intolerant means i don't like white
people
which makes me anti-racist so i'm
actually
on the right side of all of this cat uh
where do you
stand on this ice on ice cream i don't
really like empty calories that don't
alter my perception of the universe yes
as they say but look i i'm obviously
also libertarian i'm huge on criminal
justice reform
but platitudes and hashtags are not
solutions
and it's also obvious when it's clear
just how little sense they make
even according to their own aims right
yeah okay cool you don't want cops
what if someone doesn't pay their taxes
right right what if somebody doesn't pay
this massive tax bill for all these
programs these government programs that
you want
they don't really think it through yeah
but they also don't think i mean
i would be okay if if it were me
and i was taking the position of defund
the police i would have a second part to
that
okay so what do you mean yeah what do
you do
so and and here's the second part and i
know you will agree with me you might
agree
is that the uh you would uh privatize
uh yes security i didn't even know what
you were gonna say next i was gonna
agree with you
but i mean
the option the public option get rid of
the public option
you get rid of the public option do you
think people who can afford the private
option are going to go okay
fine no they're going to move out of the
cities and they're going to have
incredible what's the name from what's
in from deadwood the security company in
deadwood
do you remember the name oh i don't i
love that show too but it was like it's
like it was
you had secure you had private security
everywhere because you could be killed
on the road
and that's now we're going to go back to
that and we're going to think that's
better than having a public option
of course i do and hashtags are just a
lot easier than thinking about stuff
though
that is true