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Have you ever met someone who was so passive-aggressive, that you couldn’t call them out?
They seemingly said nothing wrong, but the tone they used implied something else…
“You’re doing great for someone with your kind of...experience.”
Wait, what?
What’s that supposed to mean?
Truth is, passive-aggressive people just have a sneaky way of using aggression, so they
aren’t flat-out caught with ill intentions.
Instead of handling their negative feelings, they express them subtly through passive-aggressive
actions.
The term “passive-aggressive was first used clinically in World War II.
Soldiers who refused to comply with officer’s orders were described as ‘passive-aggressive.’
Passive-aggressive behavior is characterized by indirect resistance to the demands of others,
and avoidance of direct confrontation - often by pouting, procrastination, or misplacing
important materials.
So, why do people use this type of behavior?
Well, here are a few of the reasons, and they may just surprise you.
ONE: They Have Passive-Aggressive Personality Disorder
Some people may even have Passive-Aggressive Personality Disorder.
While PAPD is not a medical diagnosis, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental
Disorders, Fourth Edition explained that it was a negativistic personality disorder and
included the term PAPD as a proposed diagnosis.
It is now viewed as a personality trait, personality syndrome, or dynamic behavioral pattern that
people can exhibit.
According to the American Psychology Association Passive-Aggressive Personality Disorder is
“a personality disorder of long-standing in which ambivalence toward the self and others
is expressed by such means as procrastination, dawdling, stubbornness, intentional inefficiency,
“forgetting” appointments, or misplacing important materials.
These maneuvers are interpreted as passive expressions of underlying negativism.
The pattern persists even when more adaptive behavior is clearly possible; it frequently
interferes with occupational, domestic, and academic success.”
Those who often experience PAPD may have underlying mental health conditions as well.
TWO: It’s Easier Than Being Assertive
Do you hate confrontation?
Do you find it hard to assert yourself?
Some individuals simply haven’t had enough experiences where they’ve needed to be assertive.
Many haven’t developed the social skills necessary to assert themselves and manage
their emotions.
Therefore, passive-aggressive behavior is an easy go-to when you lack the skills needed
for emotional management.
THREE: They Desire Revenge
You’ve all seen your favorite revenge flick.
Either the main protagonist is seeking sweet revenge by targeting the villain for his wrongdoing
unto them.
Or, maybe your favorite antagonist seeks revenge as well.
For many, revenge is the way to go.
But it’s not the healthiest.
It’s hard to provide evidence for passive-aggressive behavior.
Someone who exhibits this behavior often has a perfect excuse!
So if one is seeking revenge, they may go unnoticed by others due to the vagueness of
comments or actions.
The true aggressive intention remains hidden to everyone besides the aggressor.
FOUR: Anger is Not Viewed as Socially Normal
Have you been taught that you shouldn’t express your anger?
Many children are told that anger is something we should stop feeling.
Childhood is a critical time in emotional development.
Being repeatedly told to suppress an emotion can have serious consequences in development.
Anger is often viewed as the unattractive emotion we all want to hide away, but it’s
important to teach children how to handle and express their feelings.
When one is not taught how to express negative emotions in a healthy way, they could look
to passive-aggressive behavior as a means to communicate it.
FIVE: Hostility with a Smile Is Less Often Called Out
So, you’re now an adult who has been constantly told anger should not be expressed.
Socially, it’s often unacceptable to openly talk about anger.
So, you find another means.
What is socially acceptable?
Hidden aggression said with a smile.
As long as you’re smiling, you simply didn’t ‘mean it that way’.
After all, the anger won’t just go away because you ignore it, it will instead manifest
in that evil grin your wearing.
SIX: They Developed the Behavior in Childhood
Many researchers believe that those who often use passive-aggressive behavior learned the
behavior in childhood.
Child abuse, cruel punishments, and neglect could cause a child to develop passive-aggressive
behavior.
Researchers also theorize that parenting style could be a major influence.
A disruption in children’s authority figures such as parents, teachers, or caretakers could
have an effect on the development of this behavior.
Learning how to assert oneself in childhood, and even now, can help prevent this behavior.
It’s important to note too that some behaviors are often mistaken as passive-aggressive behavior.
Certain health conditions have symptoms similar to the behavior.
Some associated with passive-aggressiveness include anxiety disorders, ADHD, bipolar disorder,
and depression to name a few.
One can also exhibit passive-aggressive behavior while suffering from a mental illness.
This behavior has been known to compromise successful treatment of other mental disorders.
So it’s important to recognize the behavior and work on it with a mental health professional
as well.
If you recognize that you often exhibit passive-aggressive behavior, you’re already on the right step
to learning how to manage anger.
Some tips to implement?
If you feel a negative emotion come over you, give yourself a moment to think before you
act.
Attempt to calm yourself down with a few deep breaths.
Ground yourself in reality, and identify why you feel this way.
Moving forward, try to be aware of your behavior and opt in to express your emotions in an
honest, and healthy way.
So, how often are you passive-aggressive?
Do you have your own reasons as to why some often use this behavior?
Let us know in the comments down below.
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