Hi, welcome. I'm Paul Friedman, I am the founder of The Marriage Foundation and
as an earlier divorce mediator it was I who came up with these discoveries which
led to techniques and methods for marriage that I think are unsurpassed.
Today's video is going to be on anger, and we get emails from people who want
to deal with their own anger, and other emails from people who want to deal with
their spouses anger. Anger is a problem universally and you may find this
interesting to know, but there's no one who doesn't have to deal with anger. Why?
And this brings us to the heart of the matter. We have to bear in mind, we have
to always keep in mind that we are Souls. Now, The Marriage Foundation is not a
religious organization, we're not connected to any religions or anything
like that. But let's be realistic just because we
don't have a dogma, and we're not connected to a religion or political
group doesn't mean that we can't understand that spiritual things are
just as real as non spiritual things. The fact that we are a soul is really hard
to argue with even though in Western psychology they call it an abstract
thought but that's silly because we have a mind and we know we're not our mind
because we can control it. You can't control something that you are and we
also have a body in the same thing the same thing applies. We can control the
body, we can control the mind. Well, who is it that's controlling? It's the soul,
you're a soul and in fact, the mind is sort of the battleground between the
body and its efforts to influence the mind and the soul, and it's more passive
efforts to influence the mind. So what's going on here, where does anger come from?
So the body is all about one thing it's about survival, and you know this from
your biology classes when you are kid in school, one cell, two cells to
trillion cells doesn't matter. Living things we define by its innate desire in
a force to survive. Do anything to survive
so what happens is this influence of the body, of the cells is getting the mind to
be its watchtower through the senses. And then its defense mechanism to protect
the body, the body is material. The soul is spiritual, so you have the material
body.
This may sound very academic but it's important for you to know you're
a human being you should know what's going on with you, and the soul is
spiritual. So you have these two forces the material forces and the spiritual
forces trying to influence the mind. Now, you might say that the soul is residing
in the mind as soul is residing in the body too but the minds
drive to survive is impacting influencing the mind. It uses the senses
to see what's going on, what's dangerous and because it's about survival and
where's the opportunity. But mostly, it's fear-based
survival is mostly fear-based, what's going to hurt me? What's going to attack me?
And so, it uses the senses the sight, smell, sound, etc. to know when
there's danger and it goes into the mind which includes this incredibly complex
calculator in order to decide what's really dangerous, and what
isn't, and well how does it know. So it draws from memory of past experiences
and memory of decisions that it's made in the past about that which is
dangerous, and it's all residing in the subconscious. And so, when the minds
filters, I hope this isn't too complex it's very important that you understand
this. When the minds filters see danger its first reaction is to run away or to
fight, fight or flight. That fight is an instinctive reaction that comes up in
the form of anger. Bam! And that's it, there's your anger. It is instinctive
and instinctive reaction to perceive danger and you might say, well wait a
minute I didn't say anything that caused my husband to be afraid. Why did he get
mad at me? Because it's perceived danger and it's not all animal-like I'm being
attacked physically but it's more sophisticated it's adapted. But it's
still that animal instinct that creates this animal
response called anger. What do I do with it?
Now, that's part two because part one is you have to understand anger. Part two is
what you do with it how do you deal with it. So we'll get to that next so look for
part two. Now, if you appreciate these videos. Subscribe, share them, like them
because we're here for you. If you need any guidance you could write
in to our free counselors they'll help you. If you need to read one of my books
you could do that or you could take the course if your marriage is in terrible
danger but we're here to serve you. Okay, so get a hold of part 2.