Hey, do you want to know
Watch to the end of this video, and you'll find out all 12.
I am Rebecca Zung.
I'm an attorney, an author and a narcissist negotiation expert.
That means that I help you with step-by-step guidance
to manage, deal with and negotiate powerfully with narcissists.
Make sure you subscribe to the channel, and
you hit that notification bell
so you can have real tips and guidance on how to do just that.
Let's talk about the 12 things that narcissists just never do
because they are very insecure, like, to the max.
They have no inner sense of value.
They have to suck it all from the whole world
in the form of narcissistic supply.
There are certain things that because
they're so scared inside, they're just simply not going to do.
It makes them feel like they're losing,
whatever little sense of self that they absolutely have.
They feel like they need to protect it.
They live in a world of scarcity and survival
almost as if they're like out in the wilderness or something.
They don't think about it that way,
but that's how they are.
The big secret is that you are actually the most powerful one.
You're actually the one that has the value.
They attach themselves to you because you have so much value.
If you didn't,
they wouldn't think that you're a good source of supply.
That's the huge gaslight that they do on you.
They make you think
you're the one that's devalued and it's really the opposite.
So, let's talk about the 12 things that they don't do.
They can't do that. There's no way for them.
They really live in this world of like,
there's this little inner self and then
there's like the self that they show people.
It's very much a dichotomy.
I always think of
But they really do and that's what no one ever sees.
So that's number one, they don't show their true selves.
They don't trust whoever it is that they're with
because they can't show their true self, so
there's really no security in any of their relationships at all.
They don't trust anyone.
They really can't have a true connection,
which is sad, but it's not your responsibility.
They'll do whatever they need to take everybody else down first.
That's why, when you see the demise of the relationship,
when it starts to go downhill, you start to see
the birth of the smear campaign because
they want to make sure they're going to get you
before you get them.
With narcissists, think they're very black and white,
you're either for them or against them.
Things are fantastic or they’re horrible.
A person is amazing or they're worthless and
once you have shown your cards that you're no longer for them,
then in their minds, you're against them and
you have become public enemy number one.
The slightest little slight is grounds for war sometimes.
That's number three.
They'll just never allow themselves
to be portrayed as the bad person.
They'll do whatever they need to maintain control
over the situation; even lie, manipulate, cheat, steal,
may take other people down, burn things on their way out.
It doesn't really matter, but they'll do whatever they
need to try to maintain control of a situation.
I had a mediation one time, where the guy came in and
he was like demanding that he gets the dog back
from their adult daughter before he would even start mediating.
It was like his way of establishing that
I'm in control of this situation, that I'm running this mediation
because, what were we going to do with the dog?
make him sit in the car? have them be in the office?
I mean, it was a completely ludicrous demand but
it was to establish that he was the one in control.
They will use apologies in a certain way
to try to manipulate, to try to get what they want.
Some never say sorry at all,
they just can't bring themselves to do that.
If you want to know more about what a narcissist means
when they're apologizing, when they're saying sorry,
and how they're using that,
make sure you check out my video on that topic.
I have a whole video on that.
I mean, even if you show them proof,
you've got a text message, you've got an email,
you have or you said this or this happened…
They’ll somehow figure out a way to
wrangle it around so that they're not wrong.
Maybe find some shred of something to spin,
so that they're not wrong.
They always have to be looking down, if possible.
They're just not going to see others as equals.
That's part of building themselves up so
that they can feel more powerful than other people.
They just can't feel what you're feeling.
I kind of liken it to having a really horrible toothache,
you know, when you have a terrible toothache
all you can see and feel is your own pain and
you kind of know other things are going on out there,
but it doesn't really register, and
that's because that's what's going on with them.
They’re only for themselves.
They're extremely broken hurt people.
They just can't have sympathy or empathy for other people.
There's got to be some reason why they're going
to do something for someone, you know,
what am I getting out of this situation?
They're not going to just do something,
just to do something.
That whole Anonymous donor thing or altruistic tendencies,
they don't have that.
That doesn't even register on their Richter scale, so they
definitely don't do anything that doesn't benefit them.
If you think I'm spot-on so far,
They just hear the words coming out of your mouth
but it's not registering to them;
as far as like taking it in, hearing what you're saying,
being able to provide feedback,
being able to have that empathetic listening,
all those sort of things.
They can't do it. It's not possible.
They don't listen.
They will, if they think that it's going to benefit them
in some way, you know, “you're doing great”
but maybe they're saying these things because
they want this person to work harder to be their friend,
to, you know, whatever it is.
There's always some manipulation to it.
Then, once you are in their little web of control,
it becomes like, backhanded compliments, something like,
“You're doing pretty good for someone who this or that…”,
“you're losing some weight for somebody who's obese…”
I mean, like they'll just kind of weave in the compliment
with also a backhanded dis at you.
That's the next one.
So charming, right?
It kind of goes back to what I was saying before about
taking you down before you take them down and
that's actually the key, by the way,
to negotiating with them.
You have to understand that more than anything,
they want to make sure they look better,
That their image is preserved, that that they don't get exposed.
So, when you are creating your leverage in your negotiations,
that's the thing that you need to think about.
A lot of people think that it's money, that motivates them,
money can be a factor,
but more than anything,
image is the thing that you're going to want to be
thinking about when you're creating your negotiation strategy.
If you want to know more about that,
grab my free “Crush my negotiation” prep work sheet
at winmynegotiation.com.
Come join my free private Facebook group
at “Narcissist Negotiators with Rebecca Zung”.
Lots of more support in there, for sure.
If you like this video,
give it a like, give it a share,
drop me a comment,
let me know that this was spot-on
or some of the other things
that you think that narcissists just don't do.
Make sure that you have subscribed to this channel, and
hit that notification bell.
I'm Rebecca Zung.
I am so glad that you stopped by,
stick around and watch a few more videos.
Remember, today is a great day to start negotiating your best life.
I will see you in the next video!