Ethan: My name is Ethan Klein [safari music]
...and I'm on a safari to find the rarest creatures on Earth.
This week, we're looking for the endangered species known as Viners
Here's an example of a Viner in his natural habitat:
"And then he was like and then she was like"
"And then I hit her in the face like *punch* and I was like YEAH GIRL"
This piece is called "How ratchet girls tell story's" by Jake Paul and it
was awarded the coveted "best funny vines of 2016" by "Haha funny vine compilations lol XD 😂"
Congratulations, Jake.
After Vine was shut down by Twitter (ka-ching) they were displaced across the globe taking YouTube and
Instagram by storm with their fresh original content.
Logan Paul: "Aha, now I'm a strawberry."
I've recently discovered that they've all relocated to Hollywood, California on a street called
Vine. They're Viners and they live on the street called Vine, get it guys?
You get it? That's real, that's, I'm not making that up.
Today we look closely at the activities of one of the alpha males known as Jake
Paul. He has resurfaced and is making a very bizarre tribal music known as "Song"
and with moves like this it's already being celebrated as the whitest music
video ever made. Although there is very little discernible rhythm or artistry, (ROASTED)
his tribe known as "The Jake Paulers",
"GOOD MORNING JAKE PAULERS, WHAT'S GOING ON?" *cancerous dabbing*
which is just his name with a -er at the end, identify with it.
Hila: "What up Hila Kleiners?"
Today we will explore this phenomenon on Ethan's Safari. Join us.
Michelle Obama: "Wow, Ethan, great moves. Keep it up, proud of you."
Hila: What up, Hila Kleiners?!
Ethan: WHAT UP, HILA KLEINERS?!
I'm a Hila Kleiner for life, bro.
I can see that you're heavily inspired by the very influential Jake Paul.
Hila: You could say that I copied him.
Ethan: I don't know if you can copy- you were heavily inspired, okay?
I don't think he can invent putting "er" at the end of a thing, and then that's just the thing now. Hila: He invented it.
Ethan: That being said, I am a huge Jake Paul fan.
Which is why I am so excited to talk about his Hot New Summer Single (HNSS) -
"It's Every Day BRO"
BROING INTENSIFIES
So Jake Paul is actually; for those who don't know, Logan Paul's brother,
That's right, there's two of 'em
and they're so hot and fit young little twinks
that I'd like to take them both back into a dark room
and see some colors for the first time
you know what I'm sayin'?
Aha now I'm a st- BROOOO
Nope. -It's insane that there's two of them.
So Jake just put out this single called "It's Every Day Bro"
And it was number one trending on youtube;
it's up to twelve and a half million views
as of right now after two days
But, like, eugh
I mean, the song sucks.
It's really a trash song
it's - it's really god awful
it's like, it's just horrible
but this is - this is what ticked me off.
When I saw this, I'm like
"This kid is going down."
He's got the balls, to say
"Sorry Kendrick!!" and he tags him.
"I'll let you have your spot back when the Jake Paulers are done"
Because he passed him on iTunes
after begging his twelve year old fans to go spam it
on iTunes! Look at this shit!
"#8 KEEP GOING JAKE PAULERS ARE SO STRONG"
"#3 ON ITUNES LET'S GET #1"
"LET'S GO"
"#2 LET'S GET #1 GUYS SO CLOSE"
"LET'S GO GUYS WE CAN DO IT #1 TODAY LET'S HIT IT"
🔥🔥BRO🔥🔥
It's not happening, dude.
I bet Kendrick felt really bad
Kendrick's like "Sit down be humble, kid"
Cause you're gonna be off the chart
in about fuckin' five hours,
right, and I'm Kendrick Lamar still.
As of today, however, Jake Paul is not in the Top 10. (r.i.p)
In fact, he's not even on the top hundred (Surprise)
so everybody the apocalypse is off, everything's fine.
🔥🔥BROOOOO!🔥🔥
Time to take out the trash, Hila
let's watch this. -Ouch.
[Basically it's Jake Paul telling how rich and famous he is]
WHITE BOY
Y'all can't handle dis
Y'all can't handle dis nine year old white boy
I actually cannot handle it.
You - y'all see me on my hoverboard?
Y'all can't handle this
🎵["It's Every Day Bro" playing]🎵
WHITE BOY
It's like, you don't need to say you're a white boy, dog
you don't need to put that in the lyrics-
this is the whitest music video ever made
It's Every Day Bro, with the Disney Channel flow
5 mil on YouTube in 6 months (5 years fool)
Never done before
Passed all the competition
Man, PewDiePie is ne-
Okay so first off the bat, he kinda disses himself
YO IT'S EVERY DAY BRO
WITH THE DISNEY CHANNEL FLOW
MY RAPS IS LIKE BLUES CLUES
AND MY AUDIENCE IS SIMILAR
I GOT THAT DISNEY CHANNEL FLOW
I DONT CURSE 'CAUSE MY MOM SAYS NO-NO
It's that thug life
Step back, Kendrick Lamar.
Man, I'm poppin' all these checks,
Got the brand new Rolex
And it match the Lambo too
And I'm comin' with the crew
This is Team 10, bitch
Who the hella flippin' you?
WHO THE HELLA FLIPPIN' YOU
That's so HARD!
He's right, he does have that Disney Channel flow
Who the flip are you?
My mom made - my mom went over the lyrics
and she blacked out when I put a curse word,
so I said flip instead.
So who the flip are you dawg?
Step off, Kendrick Lamar.
I got that white boy flow.
HOLLA
Who the flip are you?
I'm serious, who the flip are you?
I have like amnesia; I have like a condition
Oh, I'm a Hila Kleiner
And you know I kick them out
If they ain't with the crew
Yeah, I'm talking about you
You beggin' for attention
Talking shit on Twitter too
But you still hit my phone last night
It was 4-
I wonder if they rehearsed that and shit, like
there's a producer/director and he's like
Ok. This is the 20th take.
Jake, we're gonna get this.
So it's just like: Boom, Boom, like that.
Jake's like:
[Ethan's great moves]
That sounds pretty realistic
Intense BROoOoOoOoOing
My mom says that dancing is evil
and it makes God - and it makes Jesus upset-
No, Jake it's fine it's fine you're saying flipping
you're right with God.
-and I got the text to prove
And all the recordings too
Don't make me tell them the truth
And I just dropped some new merch
And It's sellin' like a god CHURCH
WHAT!?
"I just drop new merch, and it's selling like a god church"
Yeah.
That doesn't make sense! That's not a word,
godchurch?
But he's selling merch like a god (Ethan) Church
Church
It's not "like a god", that would make sense
I'm selling merch like a godchurch.
At least you can tell with Jake,
he doesn't have a ghost writer
I wish he had a ghost writer, he needs a ghost writer,
but at least I can give him that credit.
And then in reality someone actually did write this shit for him
He actually did have a ghost writer
Ohio's where I'm from
We chew 'em like it's gum
We shootin' with a gun (It's Nerf or nothing)
The tattoo just for fun (looks like it was drawn by a druggie)
I'm Usain Bolt and run
Catch me at game one
I cannot be outdone
Jake Pauler's #1 (He is #NONE)
It's Everyday, Bro. It's Everyday, Bro. It's Everyday, Bro. (How about no)
I SAID IT'S EVERYDAY BROOO
That's the chorus.
It's everyday BROooOOOOOO
🔥🔥BROOOOOOOOOO🔥🔥
What's everyday?
That daily vlogging life.
I eat EVERYDAY BROOOOOOO
I have lunch EVERYDAY BROOOOOO 😏
It's crazy, you don't need to write a song about it
but it's cool; I have lunch mostly every day.
Not everyday, that's pretty cool.
I don't have lunch everyday.
That's actually thug life.
If you have lunch everyday, you are fucking killing it
BRO
Yo' it's Nick Crompton-
And my collar stay poppin- (lol nah fam)
Yes I can rap (That is debatable)
And no I'm not from Compton-
Yes I can rap and no, I'm not from Compton
In case you thought that I was because
I'm a chubby English white boy
and I'm definitely not from Compton
Sick verse, dawg.
This song is like, when-
when you hear- when you hear other people's songs
and you're like "Damn, I wish I could do that".
"Maybe I could."
That's right.
And then, this is what happens.
When someone says " Yeah, you can".
" I can do that" and then here's what happens
and then they go to a production company
and they have a sound engineer,
someone to make the beat,
someone to remaster the audio and the beats;
have you seen what people can do in post production audio now?
You can literally these days sing like a potato,
and in post production they'll make you sound like Pavarotti.
I feel like these guys, they kinda ruin everything, right?
Cause they're just like
"I wanna - I can make a hip-hop song".
Well at least they're not pretending
It does sound bad.
EVERYDAY BRO (cough)
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ENGLAND IS MY CITY( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) (Canada is my solar system)
And if it weren't for for Team 10
Then the U.S. would be shitty- (sure)
I'll pass it to Chance-
"England is my city"(I Have Cancer)
[papa bless pls]
Step off, Kendrick Lamar.
["It's Every Day Bro" playing]
["ENGLAND IS MY CITY"]
*circles country* Then the US would be shitty (go back to England, nick)
I'll pass it to Chance
-Two months ago you didn't know my name-
-And now you want my fame?
-Bitch I'm blowin' up, I'm only goin' up-
-Now I'm goin' off I'm never fallin' off-
-Like Mag who? Digi who? Who are you?
It's weird to see these youtubers bragging
like you see it in hip hop like rappers brag, -Yeah, yeah
but it's weird coming from a youtuber or a vlogger.
Right. -Or a viner.
Kendrick Lamar can get on the mic and talk like-
King Kunta -Yeah King Kunta. Right. Exactly.
But you can't on your first single, you're a vlogger;
tone it down, all of you guys Tone. It. Down. OK?
Should be like "Yeah, I'm a Youtube vlogger, and this morning I had Chipotle"
"I know it's a little wild to have Chipotle for breakfast,
but I'm a bit of a thug and that's what my life's about."
Like that's kind of appropriate lyrics that I'm looking for.
But like, tone it down you guys; you're just youtubers, ok?
Yes, they all copy me
but, that's some shitty clothes
Stay in all designer clothes (hate to break it to you, but sweatpants and an ofc t-shirt isn't designer clothes you idiot)
And they ask me what I make, I said it's ten with six zeroes, (you sure it's not ten with no zeroes?)
''Always plug merch-link in bio'' (Broke-ass)
"I always plug merch like in my bio"
That's not a sick line!
aLwAyS pLuG mErCh LiKe iN bIo
"I'M DESPERATE FOR MONEY"
"I'M TRYING TO MAKE AS MUCH MONEY AS POSSIBLE"
"BEFORE THIS FIZZLES OUT"
"SO I ALWAYS PLUG MY MERCH IN MY BIO AND DESCRIPTION"
"PLEASE CLICK THE LINK"
Seriously, how is that a thing?
By the way he's not lying, here it is:
"Get our new merch here: fagjoy.co"
"I ALWAYS PUT MY MERCH IN MY BIO"
"PLEASE BUY IT TODAY"
["It's Every Day Bro" playing] And I will see you to... morrow
'Cause it's every day BROOOOOOOOO
BROOOOOO
BROOOOOOOO!!!!
BrOoOoOoOo (*broing intensifies*)
Ya'll can't handle this
Alright, so look, here's the bottomline:
I can't really hate on these guys too much,
because if I was that successful at that young age
I would have also probably turned into a-
Cringe Machine?
It would probably be embarrassing.
I would embarrass myself, I'm sure of it
so, in a way, I can't really hate on them too much
but at the same time,
IF YOU'RE GONNA CALL OUT KENDRICK LAMAR,
WITH THIS SHIT,
This is garbage, dawg. (ROASTED AGAIN)
I just want you to know.
I just want you to know so that you know.
Okay, I'm not gonna hate on you for making it,
God bless you, you're rich, you're successful,
you're handsome, it's fine. God bless you.
But if you're gonna call shit, and talk shit
on Kendrick, and put out this crap?
Come at me dog.
I will - I will fight you.
I will fight you 1 versus 1.
DDR, that is.
Put - throw down your best Dance Dance Revolution
moves, you will not beat me.
Not physical. You'll - destroy me.
I am old and out of shape. You will beat the shit out of me.
But on Dance Dance Revolution?
Bitch, step to me, on my turf, and you will go down every time. (diss track papa, pls?)
What up, Hila Kleiners?
Peace
It's everyday, Bro.
See you guys tomorrow, and make sure to click the link
in the description of my merch.
His lines.
The only last thing they had to say is:
"Please leave a like"
PLEASE LEAVE A LIKE AND SUBSCRIBE
That's true they pretty much-
that's really true.
Just... They probably almost did like-
The one dude behind the camera
teaching them how to dance was like:
"Ugh maybe not- maybe just keep the like and subscribe out?"
"We'll leave the merch in, but let's not do the like". Yeah, let's compromise.
Anyway guys, it's everyday bro.
Thanks for watching, we appreciate you, we love you,
and make sure to uh, -
keep it everyday.
Making bowel movements, drinking water,
eating lunch. Keep it everyday my bros.
[Safari Music playing]
[Ethan looking with binoculars]
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