- One thing you'll notice is that
the more you build your Sexy Confidence
and you get out there and attract great guys,
the more options you're going to have.
And usually this is a really good thing.
But sometimes you might be in a situation
where you're talking to a guy,
and you're just not feeling it.
And you want to be able to just gracefully
and honorably just tell him, "Not happenin' bruh."
And this is one of the questions
I got from one of you sexy single ladies.
"How do you gracefully, honorably,
"and respectfully tell a man you're not interested in him?
"Whether you realize he isn't up to par,
"or you aren't feeling it,
"or simply aren't attracted to him.
"Although I am brutally transparent,
"I have a challenging time letting go."
So in this video I'm gonna talk about
how to turn a guy down and do it gracefully.
Keep watching.
(relaxed music)
- Hey there, Adam Lodolce from sexyconfidence.com
where I help you find love,
and do it with Sexy Confidence.
And look, this is a real problem,
albeit what I call a champagne problem.
It's a problem you wanna have.
But it's a problem, if you are starting
to attract a lot of guys (mumbles) life,
there are naturally going to be guys
that you're just not interested in,
and you shouldn't be ashamed of that
but you should wanna do it with grace and respect.
So before I get into specific situations
of how to turn a guy down gracefully,
let's talk about the overarching theme of this video
and that is to never lie
about how it is that you're feeling.
It's really easy to lie to someone,
and kinda justify in your mind,
well it wasn't a lie per se,
I was just trying to massage the truth.
But I ask you to always tell the truth,
because I do believe in dating karma,
and that is the energy you put out there
is the energy you will receive from others.
So if you want guys to tell you how it is,
and to be real with you,
then it's time for you to be real with guys
if it's not really working out.
But of course you don't wanna be mean about it,
you wanna be nice about it 'cause you're a kind person.
So here are a few scenarios and exactly
what you can say to turn a guy down.
Let's say you're at a bar, or a party,
and you're talking to a guy and you're just
not feeling it and you're not attracted to him.
Just cut off the conversation, just move on,
go back to your friends and just be abrupt.
It's going to feel abrupt, it's gonna feel awkward,
and if he tries to ask you for your phone number,
just tell him you're really flattered
but you just need to get back with your friends.
Remember, at this point you've just met the guy,
you don't know him, you don't owe any real explanation
and if he starts to get rude about it, just walk away.
You have the power to walk away.
I feel like a lot of women feel that
they need to be nicer than that,
in that particular situation because
they don't wanna hurt the guy's feelings.
But if the guy is being so forward
to be pushy about getting your phone number,
or wanting to keep the conversation going,
then he deserves to get really rejected.
And if all else fails, just grab your friends,
go to the restroom and then just don't go back to that guy
or that corner of the room, just move on.
The second scenario is after going out
on a first date with a guy, and it just didn't click.
Now I typically give the advice
to give a guy a chance and go on a second date,
because usually guys are very very nervous
on that first date and you might
just see something in him on the second date
that you really didn't see on that first date.
But for the sake of this video,
let's just say you went on a date, and this guys was awful.
If he starts texting you a lot after that date
and wants to keep seeing you, just send him a text
just letting him know that you had a really nice time
with him but you don't think it's gonna work.
This is where a text is more than sufficient,
you only went on one date with a guy,
and if he is completely heartbroken
after that one text and that one date not working out,
that dude's got his own issues.
And the final scenario, is when you're not
in a committed relationship but you've been kinda
talking to someone, but you've realized
that it's just not gonna work.
This is where I think a phone call is really important.
And this is hard, like it can be really awkward
to call someone and break it off
with them especially if it was never
anything concrete in the first place.
But what it does is creates closure
in this situation so that both of you
can just move on and know that it's completely over.
I remember years ago back when I was single,
I started really living by these exact principles
and I was kind of casually talking
to this woman and it felt like things were starting
to heat up between us, and I just wasn't in a place
where I wanted anything serious.
And I picked up the phone and I called her
and I said, "Look, I've really enjoyed
"getting to know you but I just don't think
"that this is going to work out."
And then there was just silence.
And then she responds and says,
"Wow, thank you.
"Thank you so much for calling me
"and just letting me know that, it's too bad,
"I wish that you didn't feel that way
"but I appreciate you just being kind of upfront
"with me about that."
I was not expecting a thank you on that phone call.
And it showed the power of just being
real with someone and just letting them know
if you're just not feelin' it.
All of these scenarios of turning someone else down,
is all about just ripping the Band-Aid off.
In reality, if you are not willing to be straight forward
with someone then it's really your problem and not theirs.
So no more justifying in your head
that you're just being nice by kind of leading people on.
It's time to be more straight forward in your love life.
So I wanna hear from you in the comments below,
what questions do you have for me
for future Sexy Confidence videos.
And also if you find it difficult
to break toxic love patterns and actually
be able to turn people down and focus
on the right types of guys,
then I have a course in the Sexy Confidence Club
membership called Breaking Your Love Patterns,
it's available to all Sexy Confidence Club
members when you join.
I'll leave a link in the description,
or I'll leave the link in my bio.
Thank you so much for watching,
and I will speak to you, you sexy single lady, next week.
Bye bye.