Welcome to the microwave show! What you're about to see shouldn't be attempted at home, so yeah, thanks! Thanks for doin' that!
Yeah, keep it in your pants!
Right!
Hello, and welcome to...
Elmo: Again, again!
Hello, and welcome to "Is it a Good Idea to Microwave This?" I'm your host, Jory Caron.
*Riley turns on Elmo, who begins laughing*
Okay, I know Christmas was when Christ was born... But this is Satan!
*Elmo annoyingly laughs*
*Riley laughs hard*
We're gonna microwave this!
*theme song plays*
Jory: It smells like victory!
Jory: All hands to the deck!
Jory: Nobody likes roasted nuts!
Jory: Let's get outta here!
Jory: Ventilation is key!
Jon: What're you doing?! Put that out!
Jory: Stopping, stopping!
Jory: The masks- they do nothing!
Riley: The tin foil shield- it actually worked!
Jon: Does it still work?
Jory: You're dumb!
Jory and Riley: 2.6!
Jory: Is it a good idea to microwave this?
Let's find out! Here at the Jory Caron Laboratory, safety is... (pauses to hear Elmo laugh) Well, he says it best- it's a laughing matter!
And that's why we hide behind this giant tin foil shield. It's to protect our nuts, because nobody likes roasted nuts! But we DO like chestnuts roasting on an open fire! Isn't that bizarre?
This item right here? Donated by Jim Getsy. Let's go and microwave it!
*Elmo laughing*
Jon: What I don't get, Elmo, is that you're about to die! Why are you...?
*Elmo laughs repeatedly*
*Riley laughs at how stupid Elmo is*
Jory: He was trying to escape!
Jon: I don't think so!
Jory: No... We also have these fans, to circulate the air, and the Chefmate microwave. Her name's Candy... Right?
Jon: Candy, yeah!
I don't know! They're alll... They're a dime a dozen now! (laughs) So, let's open her up and throw in our merry friend over here!
*Elmo continues laughing*
Jon: (laughs) Put it in there for, like, six minutes.
*Elmo laughs from inside Candy*
Jory: Yeah, we did do it again, you son of a bitch!
Riley: (laughs) Who's laughin' now?!
Jory: Who's laughin' now, you son of a bitch?!
Jon: Merry Christmas, Elmo! We've gotta put ya down, though!
Jory: The Tickle-Me-Elmo thing was actually, like, a huge deal, I remember!
Jon: Yeah, a lotta you kids are probably too young to remember. Back in, like, 1999, 2000, Tickle-Me-Elmo...
Jory: People were, like, killing each other, trying to get one of these!
Jon: Oh! Did you see his feet lighting up?
Jory: Oh, yeah, I think he IS on fire! Yeah, yeah, he's definitely on fire!
Jon: Oh, I see flames! Alright, you've got the fan on, suckin' up the air.
Jory: I mean, I'm all for Christmas cheer, but...
Riley: Let's do 20. Let's do 10 more.
Jory: And... Go!
Jon: Let's see if Candy survived, and let's hope Elmo DIDN'T! 'Cause, otherwise, he's gonna be a really, really pissed tickle monster!
Jon: (imitating Elmo) Again, again!
Riley: Shhh! Wait! I thought I heard him still laughing.
Jon: Oh, my God!
Riley: OH, MY GOD!
Jon: (laughs) His face is on fire!
*Riley laughs*
Jon: AW! It looks like Elmo got sat on by a 500-pound truck!
*Jory makes "Elmo" make a feeble, disgusted noise*
Jon: (laughs) Welcome to Sesame Street!
Jory: (mumbles something as "Elmo")
Jon: Hi, kids! This is your nightmare!
Jory: So, you may be wondering, is it a good idea to microwave a Tickle-Me-Elmo?
Riley: Yeah!
I'd say "yeah"! I mean, that thing is Satan!
Jon: That thing is the devil!
Jory: And you might as well send it back to hell! And the best way to do that?
Jon: Light his collarbone on fire!
Jory: Short of a grenade, a microwave is probably the best thing you could do!
So, that's about it for this episode of "Is it a Good Idea to Microwave This?"
Riley: Merry Christmas! Happy holidays!
I'm your host, Jory Caron... (remembers it's holiday episode because of Riley) Oh, yeah!
*end credits play*
*Elmo annoyingly laughs*
Elmo: Can't stop...! (shuts off)
*Riley laughs hard*
Jory: Can't stop!
Riley: (laughs) I thought he was, like... He twitched like he was shot!
So, just to spread some merry cheer or something, look for some mistletoe. I hope you guys get what you want! And if you do, give us a cut!
Jon: Hey, guys! There's mistletoe right there!
Jory: What?
Jon: There's some mistletoe right above you there!
No, that's a microphone!
Jon: You should make-out anyway, though!
I don't think we should!
No, this is the wrong program! Wrong program!
Jon: Come on, guys, I've got the camera rollin'!
No, no, you're thinking of "Three Steps to Success." THIS program isn't gay!
All: OH!
Wait- I'm IN "Three Steps to Success"! [Beep]!
Well, happy Christma-Hanu-Kwanzaa-kkah from all of us here at Ideo Productions! Again, all THREE of us- merry Christmas, happy Kwanzaa, happy Jewish! What?!