This video is about "What I learned from Two Years of Grieving..."
I'm gonna share the lessons I've learned after losing my father exactly two years ago to this day...
To find out more please stay tuned to this video..
Welcome to The SCG Show! Please hit the like button for the YouTube algorithm
and turn your life around with BetterHelp! The link is in the description just down below!
This video is for entertainment purposes only and is not a
substitute for professional guidance or instead of professional guidance
I like to also include a trigger warning for mentions of very sensitive subject in this video
Please always speak to a trained medical professional. Thank you for your understanding...
Grief is intense sorrow and a deep emotional response to a great loss. In March 2020
the entire UK (and most parts of the world) went into extreme and sudden lockdown
to stop the spread of covid. I was staying at home with family at the time and both my parents
caught the illness right at the beginning when it was its most contagious and its most deadliest
I turned into their full-time carer as I looked after them the best I could
however my 62 year old father got hit hard by the bug. A week after being bedridden an
ambulance came to take him to a local hospital... a few days afterwards he was put on a ventilator
and then gradually more life support machines as the virus spread throughout his body. Three weeks
after entering hospital the doctors called us to inform us "unfortunately he wasn't going to make it..."
and just within a space of only a few weeks my Dad had passed away at 62. Only two months after
his birthday and his final holiday with my mother which was to the Caribbean. He was literally here
one moment life was normal too, the next the virus spreads around the world... he caught it
and is now no longer here... This isn't a covid heavy video... this is just how my father passed away
Losing someone in a lockdown was and will always be incredibly hard
but nevertheless here are the lessons I learned after two years of grieving...
This is way easier said than done, but you should never take good people for granted when they're
in your life, that's what grief has taught me.. If you're new to my content you may be unaware
that my most popular videos are about "The Power of Walking Away" and to "Stop Caring about People
Who Don't Care about You" thanks to YouTube I have almost become the leading voice as such
when it comes to walking away from people in your life = and that could be from spouses and friends
a job, colleagues and of course family members too....Nevertheless that is why I make the clear
distinction between never taking good people for granted rather than toxic negative and
destructive people. Irrespective if they're your husband, wife, mother, father etc here
are the signs of typically good people = they are supportive, they are complementary to your life,
they make you laugh, they make you smile, they have a kind heart, they are extremely generous, they are
good natured, they are warm and compassionate and they are fun, but also genuine... and toxic people
are rude, they lack empathy, selfish, they're argumentative, create drama, envious, deceitful,
and untrustworthy.... but what has this got to do with grief? Although flawed (like we all are) I genuinely
believe my father was a good man and perhaps maybe I did take him for granted in some cases
but since he's passed away the good people have been given my undivided attention love
care and support in my life, and those who have instead abused my time, energy, money, boundaries
etc have been given the gift of my absence...I don't wish these toxic people any harm, but I prefer to
focus more on the good than the people who want to waste my precious life making me feel more pain
than I unfortunately already do... Now losing anybody close to you can have a detrimental effect on our
mental health and that is why I'd like to tell you about my sponsor BetterHelp! I've personally
used BetterHelp and found it very effective for dealing with my grief... BetterHelp is an
online portal that provides direct to consumer access to behavioral health services. The online
counseling and therapy services are provided through web-based interaction such as phone
and text communication. BetterHelp gives you four live sessions a month
an unlimited messaging in between sessions as well as access to group therapy webinars which
are updated each and every week (which are about different subjects sometimes including grief) You
can sign up for the BetterHelp online counseling service in the description below. By using that
link you'll be supporting my channel and I'll give you 10% off your first month too. So combat
your pain and misery... turn your life around with BetterHelp the link is in the description below!
Since losing my dad and having to endure immense amount of stress and pain alone in isolation
something has really shifted in my patience towards people. I have a zero tolerance
for nonsense, for BS, for manipulation, game playing, lies, drama, deceit, scams, time wasters...
Dating during covid has been and was nothing short of an absolute living nightmare...Factor
in grieving too and it just made things even more difficult... but something I noticed was I just had
zero time for women who were BSing aka the flakes, the validation seekers, the pretty girls that just
wanted attention and Instagram followers, the ones who just wanted to string me along...
I just lost my Dad...I couldn't even say goodbye to him and some random girl on a dating app
couldn't be bothered to confirm meeting up for a walking date or having a Facetime call? Yeah
it's a no from me... who has got the patience for such petty things and stupid games etc?
Well certainly not me....As well as dating the same rules have been applied to friends and family
in a social dynamic if family calls drama, negativity, problems unnecessarily I'm not
going to associate with them. If friends cause arguments, disagreements, pressure me into doing
things I genuinely don't want to do.. guess what I'm not going to associate with them. Yes this may seem
very harsh, very extreme and so on but I have been hurt and heartbroken through my family tragedy...
My tolerance for people who are inconsistent emotionally dishonest and I maybe typically
might have given the benefit of the doubt back in the day is at an all-time low, and funnily
enough I've actually experienced more peace and serenity and confidence by having these stronger
firmer boundaries... The next thing I learned is nobody else understands your pain...
yes nobody can truly understand and relate to what you've gone through if you're grieving...
I don't wish it on anyone (not even my worst enemies) but i've learned this the hard way... Ten years ago
my friend lost his Dad when he was 21. It was very tragic, his Dad was a good guy and his death is so
sad all these years later... as much as I tried to be there for him and offer my compassion
I could never really relate to what he was going through... those times where he felt so low
where he'd just be emotionally all over the place... where nothing he did made sense, but of course
after now losing my Dad, I finally understood how he felt and what he was going through...He was one
of the first people to speak to me just after my Dad passed away... it was almost like a complete
mutual understanding. "I totally understand what you are going through now..." I said to him
and he said "I never wanted that to happen to you guys but unfortunately at least now you know"
Again I am NOT wishing ill on anyone...I don't want you to lose your father or anyone
or someone you love so you can relate to understand me more... but like you could do
a PowerPoint presentation to other people explaining your grief... you could do like a
role play of showing how much pain you're in and you might be met with disinterest, boredom
confusion, real social awkwardness, absolutely no compassion, zero understanding and no empathy
It is not your duty or your job to educate people how to be compassionate
respectful or considerate and if they're not and they're telling you to get on with it... whatever
keep your distance and focus on your own mental health and your own journey instead...
My opinion one of the biggest myths about grief that I recently debunked is that typically
people go through the stages in the following order of = grief, shock and denial, pain and
guilt, anger, depression, then an upward turn reconstruction and acceptance. Unfortunately
and again this might just be my own experience grief comes in waves... sometimes you feel okay and
you're ready to go on with your new life without your loved one... then sometimes it hits you like
a ton of bricks and you can't feel good again and it beats you emotionally to your knees. I genuinely
thought I had come to terms with my Dad's passing despite all the amazing work I'd done myself
in the process but when his memorial came around I did not realize it but I was angry, depressed, alone
and I emotionally spiraled. Now after the memorial I'm mending my broken heart together again
in order to move on with my life with my father forever in my heart and soul along the journey...
You cannot hide from grief or rush it... you cannot defeat it... you cannot even
master it.... grief is a process... sadly it's something we must all go through and just like my friend who
lost his Dad 10 years ago, he tells me "it's still hard despite after all those years," things never
necessarily get better when you lose a loved one... your life's not going to be the same without them
but things do get more manageable and a little bit easier over time... which I hope
if anyone is watching this is going through this.. you guys will be able to get to
just like I did = a good level of management of your grief, to your new way of life...