[MUSIC - MIKE RENO AND ANN WILSON, "ALMOST PARADISE"]
Almost paradise.
We're knocking on heaven's door.
Almost paradise.
How could we ask for more?
Paradise.
Hey guys.
I'm Tracy.
And I'm Andy.
And "Paradise" is officially away.
Whoo!
[CLAPPING]
That's how we signify it on my desk.
And you know what that means.
We're back in business!
We are.
I'm so excited.
I missed you guys.
We have--
We've been down for a while.
We have so much to talk about.
But before we get into it, we obviously
you know what we gotta do.
Corey Palent, get in here!
We're back.
We had such a great summer, and we
didn't get to finish wrapping up "Bachelorette."
So just to like start it off, congratulations
to Becca and Garrett.
Sure.
Congratulations.
It was a great pick.
I will say-- you're not happy with it?
No.
Are you happy with it?
No.
Obviously, Blake was my number one from the get-go.
I think they were both lame, and I'm all about Jason still.
They're made for each other though.
I think somewhere Blake is still out there sweating.
Just sweating.
At one point he's getting dumped,
and there was just like a little drop, just like--
Just like a single tear.
It wasn't even a tear, it was just like sweat.
--just a little drop.
It was just like right there.
"Paradise" is my favorite time of year.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, I love "The Bachelor", I love "Bachelorette,"
but I live for "Paradise."
All these different characters, we already know them.
Have fun and cry.
It's awesome.
Oh my god.
In an amazing location.
Well, because you get the best of the best.
You get all the people who you want to see.
And the worst of the worst.
And you already know who they are,
so you don't have to get caught up with their stories.
And their personalities.
Yeah.
You don't know who all of them are.
When Angela walked down, I was like, oh, it's--
What season was she?
OK, so Tia was the first person to walk into Paradise.
Makes sense.
Totally made sense.
It reminded me of when Raven was the first last time.
And Raven was kind of like top dog.
She ran the show last season.
She was.
And it seems like they're setting it up
that Tia's going to run the show this year.
Because she was going to be the Bachelorette.
But here's my thing about Tia.
And I like Tia, but I will say I feel
like by the end of this episode I liked her a little less,
because I'm annoyed with the--
I'm inundated with the Tia/Colton situation.
Well, but here's my thing about the Colton situation
is that everyone is so mad that Colton--
I mean, you can say what you want
about Colton being a famewhore and wanting
to be on TV and the whole thing--
but no one is acknowledging the fact that Tia totally
sandbagged the relationship with Becca.
Yes.
She showed up and was like, I still have feelings.
And then Becca dumped Colton who said he had feelings for Becca.
Colton did a little bit on their yacht date.
Oh yeah, but all the other people on "Paradise"
are all rallying behind Tia, and they're like--
But let me say one thing--
And then the gang of guys are like, we're
going to take them down.
The Goose Brothers.
The Goose.
The Goose Gang.
Side note for the producers who are putting together
"Bachelor in Paradise," what a Nugget for them.
They got Tia and Colton, built-in relationship.
Which they milked.
You guys, I'm not going to lie.
I even fell for it.
Oh I know, I know.
When everybody came out, I was like, oh, I
guess they're not bringing Colton out this early.
And then the perfect set-up of giving her the date,
falling in love with him, and then Colton.
She takes Chris.
Those producers.
But poor Chris gets the date, and you
know that producers are like, so we're
going to screw over Chris.
Oh, for sure.
And he's going to get the date.
Every date is just them sitting at their little sweetheart's
table for dinner--
They'll get fireworks.
--and then a mariachi band or fireworks.
But I will say, it's like, yeah, that was that date.
And then Colton gets the yacht and the jet skiing.
It felt like uneven dates.
Well, yes.
Tia got them both, so I guess it doesn't really matter.
That's both relationships though.
I love that Tia goes on two dates,
and everyone's just sitting around eating quesadillas.
But I will say that date, they did have chemistry.
We got a little back story of that time when they had met.
She was like, you cooked me dinner--
Which was totally downplayed in "The Bachelorette."
Well, of course, because it was about Colton and Becca.
They just kept saying that weekend, that weekend.
And now it's like, oh wait, they actually.
Yeah.
And they do have chemistry, and they are cute together.
And so look.
If it's going to happen with them, let it happen with them.
But let's stop talking about it, and move on
to the other interesting people.
Well, it's going to be every episode.
We're never getting rid of it.
By the way, I don't know if I'm jumping ahead,
I couldn't type it fast enough.
David is a loser.
The worst!
Oh my god!
The whole tape he's with is mom.
Oh, it was terrible.
I kinda want to just discuss the people that came in.
Throw out your favorites, because, I mean,
obviously Kendall comes.
Joe.
Joe to look at is one of the cutest things I've ever seen.
Agreed.
Got a great smile, I'll give him that.
I could look at him all day.
But I will say once, especially on "Men Tell All,"
and a little bit in "Paradise," everyone was
like, how could you send Joe home on night one?
And then you hear him talking, I'm like,
I kinda see how she could send Joe home.
Me too.
But I mean, is it really about how they sound?
Who else was I excited about?
Obviously, baby drama.
And she looks like she's going to bring the baby drama.
How about her uterus joke?
That fell so flat.
Oh.
Glitter bomb.
[EXPLODING NOISE]
Which, by the way, we discussed when she was here.
We asked her about her voice.
Because we said, what's up with the whisper?
And then she, which I thought was bull, but she said,
I lost my voice.
I had laryngitis.
No, and then it was like her way of talking to Arie.
But then even Tia in the moment, she was like,
her voice is different.
Oh, I love that she called her out on it.
But now she's normal.
Well.
Right now, she is.
There's going to be a dark side of that.
The record scratch.
By normal, I just mean I feel like we're
seeing the Krystal that we kind of had in the queue,
which I'm all excited about.
They don't need her yet, but she's coming.
Oh, she's coming.
Jordan is here for Annaliese.
Which also, really the themes of this episode
were Tia and Colton and then--
Jordan and the Goose Boys.
Yeah.
Kenny's fun.
I like Kenny.
Kenny's fun.
Eric's fun.
Miracle season.
I was so happy that Eric was back.
Yeah, with a great attitude.
He has the best energy.
Oh, great charm.
He's does that.
Hey.
Yes.
That's exactly what it looked like.
It looks just like this.
Yeah, close.
Hey.
Well, but he does it every time.
They're like, you happy to be?
He's like, yes.
Hey.
I hate it.
Do you want a quesadilla?
Yes.
That's the go-to move.
Anyway, I'm excited about the cast.
The one person that I think is literally the worst
human on the planet is Nick.
Oh.
Why is he there?
I don't know.
Chelsea had to fake an illness to get away from him.
Oh god, that was so funny.
Do you want to know some inside scoop too?
Oh.
OK, I heard-- because I have some friends that work
on the show--
and I heard that--
Do tell!
--this season was so juicy and had so much drama right away
that they even got done early.
They just were like, forget it.
We got enough.
Let's cut them loose.
I heard that too.
I heard that also.
So before 14 days.
They just sent them all home.
That means so much happened in like--
10 days.
--10 days.
You heard it here first.
You guys, I know.
That's why I'm so excited to see what could happen.
So the tease looks so good.
I'm so excited about it.
I will say something that I was surprised by.
They keep teasing this drama, this love triangle, which
I think there are several.
With Joe?
But the big one was Joe, Kendall, and Leo.
Leo, yeah.
Leo shows up at some point.
Leo is just coming in to be a bull in a China shop.
Right?
What confuses me about that is that on Becca's season,
Leo was this sweet guy, and then he comes in
and he's starting all this drama.
OK, well, we are back, and I cannot wait for what's to come.
A big thanks for joining us, you guys.
And a thanks to Corey Palent and thanks to my boy, Andy Zenor.
Yeah.
Make sure that you tune in next week.
It's going to be a good one.
Comment below to tell us what you think.
(SINGING) Looking for love in all the wrong places.
Looking for love.